#np Eric Nam's This is Not A Love Song

2018

“I don’t want to. Sleep on my bed, please. I don’t want you to sleep here.”

I don’t know why, those words keep ringing in my head like a broken record throughout the night. Even though I told him to not treat me so kindly like that, he just won’t do it. His persistence, the way he speaks so gently reminded me that Shin Wonho is a truly kind man in real life. That night… It was all a mistake, something that he himself wouldn’t do if he was in his right state of mind.

Was I being too emotional?

That morning when I look down on the carpeted floor in front of the bed, he is still sleeping in an awkward position. Well, the floor was an uncomfortable place to sleep… Yet, he looks so handsome…

Carefully, I take the covers of the bed and wrap it around him. His body seems to relax after that and with that, my heart somehow feels at ease.

The purple mark on my neck, it is the first thing I saw when I look into the bathroom’s mirror. Ugly. It’s as if he’s making it clear that I’m his since it’s so obvious. It’s like I could still feel his teeth on my neck that I’m having strange chills. With that, I’m reminded again that I can’t just easily forgive Wonho. He went too far.

Surely there are no feelings in my heart left for that jerk because of this, I’m sure of it.

This hideous thing, it won’t rub off no matter how hard I scrub it during the shower. It can’t even be covered with makeup that my head boils with anger. I cringe, suddenly feeling embarrassed at the thought of Wonho’s parents seeing this. Surely, I can’t just go out and meet them with this!

The only solution is by wearing a turtle neck.

“Good morning, Omonim. You need a hand?” I ask politely when I approach Wonho’s mother who’s standing at the counter. It seems like she’s making kimchi.

“Morning, Jiyeon-ah. Come, I’m cooking breakfast and side dishes. Wash your hands.”

I comply but when I look at the ingredients on the counter, I start to feel nervous. Cooking is never my thing, it’s because nothing will come out right if I did. And so, I gave up long ago and decided that I’d just eat what other people made for me.

“Omonim… The truth is, I-I’m n-not really g-good in cooking…”

“No worries, dear. I’ll teach you how to make some food that Wonho likes.”

As expected, it’s a disaster. The kitchen’s all messy, I spilled too much salt in the food my mother in law was making. Thankfully she could fix them or I don’t know if we can have our breakfast for today or not.

“I’m sorry, Omonim. For the mess.”

“At least you tried… You never cooked for Wonho since you lived here, dear?”

“No… S –“ I wanted to say ‘sorry’ again but I stop. It would’ve sounded annoying if I kept saying that word.

“It’s okay. Well, now that I’ve taught you some basic things, you can try, right?”

“Haha yes…” I reply weakly, unsure of my answer.

“Wonho never liked greens. Oh and don’t put too much black pepper in his food, he doesn’t like it.”

Yes, I am aware of those things. Wonho has quite a child’s tongue when it comes to food. Like most of kids, he also really loves cheese especially if it’s on his pizza. I know that from our regular pizza nights during our high school days and from our dinner together since we got married. He still hasn’t changed.

“Yes, Omonim.”

“Jiyeon-ah… You know, I used to worry about Wonho since you two got married.” She pauses and looks at me with a soft gaze. “I was afraid if you two won’t get along well since you haven’t seen each other for many years. That boy… He always agrees to what his father and I told him to that sometimes, I wonder if the things that I want for him are also what he wants for himself…”

“Oh…”

“But…! Seeing you yesterday, I’m sure you two have found each other again after all this time.” She suddenly giggles playfully and brushes my head that I start to wonder.

Did we really look like a great couple yesterday?

“What do you mean, Omonim?”

“Aigoo, I’m too embarrassed to say it but at the same time, I’m proud of my son. I hope Wonho’s not giving you too much of