#np WJSN's Masquerade

2019

“No…T-This is wrong. Y-You’re crazy. I-I’m already married, Moon Taeil-ssi.”

The atmosphere suddenly turns up not into my liking. This person, I thought he meant nothing more since I worked with him, and that one bold move he made when we first met meant nothing but a silly random pickup line. He’s just a colleague, an employer to me, nothing more.

I take a step back but he inches closer that I start to feel afraid.

But then he stops.

“I-I know, I know you’re a married woman… And I also know that you’re not happy with that marriage, Bona-ssi.”

Am I? Do I look like I’m not happy?

“W-What do you know? You know nothing.” My voice cracks, I feel so vulnerable when he read me out like an open book this way.

“I might know nothing but all I know is this one thing. I want to make you happy. You deserve the world, Bona and I’d be the happiest to be the one who gives you that. I’m not asking anything in return, not even a penny. Please, will you let me?”

His words… They touched me.

I look into Taeil’s warm but lonely eyes. Seeing him this way, I can’t imagine harbouring feelings more than a friend towards him. But at the same time, I can’t open my lips and say anything.

Why can’t I?

There should be nothing more than a professional relationship between us.

Why did he do this? Why does he like me in that kind of way?

He shouldn’t.

But I still can’t say anything.

“You don’t have to answer me now. I’m just happy enough to be in your company, let’s know each other first. Give me time. I… I want you to look favourably towards me. Open you heart, Bona-ssi. Let me in, can you? I’m not asking for anything more.”

He chews onto his lower lip, looking nervously into my eyes I can tell.

Somehow, Taeil’s façade remind me of something… Something so familiar. The way he fidgets nervously with his fingers, the way his sight roams wildly around but my eyes, they remind me so much of my own self. The pathetic 18 year old girl who had a stupid one sided crush on someone who considered her only as a younger sister, nothing more.

I know how it felt to be rejected.

I know how devastated it would feel to be turned down by someone whom you really love.

I know how much it would hurt.

It hurts like hell.

“O-Okay.”

That’s why I couldn’t turn him down that instance.

***

I don’t like this.

No, I don’t hate Taeil. He always has that warm aura that always makes me feel happy inside but since he confessed, I can’t see or talk to him the same way I always do.

I guess another feeling that I have towards him now, it’s just…

Unpleasant.

He called me a bit too much since yesterday. That’s what lovers do, he said and that makes it even more uncomfortable for me. I mean, we’re not officially dating yet. When I said that, he would say he just wanted to know each other better. Then he would shift to topics like what the two of us did for the day, our meals for the day, small talks. We also complained about bad things that happened today.

No personal questions, Taeil assured.

But still, it just doesn’t feel right…

Besides, me… Dating with someone else while being a married lady is just wrong. What would other people say? What would my parents say? What would Wonho’s parents say?

What would Wonho himself say?

But strangely, I can’t say anything to discard Taeil and his actions.

I just don’t have the heart to.

“So, what do you want to do next?”

I let out a tiny sigh. I actually don’t want to go to this so called ‘date’ but he insisted for us to go out today and know each other better. He said he just wanted to appeal himself to me before I make final my decision.

Consider it as a normal meeting between friends, he said.

We had lunch together, and watched the hottest movie that came out at the cinema today. This morning, I left home quite early. I just didn’t want to see Wonho or I’d feel guilty. Yeah, I know he doesn’t care but considering the fact that I’m still his wife, I can’t help it. Even more when he doesn’t appear to be seeing another lady behind my back.

Am I doing the right thing by giving Taeil a chance?

I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

God, I just don’t want to be a bad person.

“Bona?”

“Uh?” I snap when I can feel his hand on my shoulder.

“Hm, you appear to not be having fun with me…”

“No, no. It’s not that… I… I just forgot that I have to buy groceries!” I blurted those words out, remembering my promise to Wonho to let him taste my cooking today.

“Really? Buying groceries with you would be fun. Let’s go.”

I quickly tail him as we make our way from the entrance of the cinema to