#np MonstaX's Honestly

2018

All these while… Does she still have feelings for me? She shouldn’t be, especially when we’re already married and had agreed that nothing will change between us. It will make things very awkward, how can I treat her nicely after this?

And all the kind treatment I gave her, what if she mistook it to be something more than just a friend’s thoughtful act?

I still can’t sleep even though it’s already morning. My head’s filled with Bona and the image of that drawing. I tried to think positively, maybe it was just a meaningless drawing but a small part of me still can’t rub the possibility that she still has feelings for me.

I ruffle my hair in frustration after I read her text message. Why is she making things hard like this? We were just fine before… Was I being too nice and cared a little too much?

Yes, I guess it’s my fault too, I was being too careless.

I need to keep a distance, just like what we have agreed on.

***

“You’re just up, Wonho-ssi?”

Her voice greets me as soon as I open the door of my room. Bona’s wearing her grey coat while bringing her bag, ready to go out. I glance at my watch and it’s already dinner time. I guess I slept too much after lunch earlier, making up for yesterday’s sleepless night.

“Yeap.”

“Where are we going tonight?”

Our dinner.

I always bring her out for dinner every day since she lived here but when I think of what I saw in her room last night, I start to feel afraid. No, I shouldn’t get too close.

“I-I’m not hungry.”

“Oh.” There’s clear disappointment in her eyes that I feel a bit guilty. “I’ll go by myself then. Want anything, Wonho-ssi?”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Okay, text me if you want to eat anything.”

The room goes silent after she closes the door to the apartment. I can’t help but to let out a deep sigh. But then something bad starts to fill in my stomach, it’s either I’m hungry or I’m feeling guilty for lying to her but I guess it’s because of both.

I walk to the kitchen to look for something to eat. Thankfully, there are bread and eggs. Maybe I can make a sandwich or something.

Right after I put the piece of bread onto the filling, footsteps sound suddenly rings through my ears. Awkward air surrounds us as Bona stares at my food.

“Oh, Wonho-ssi.”

“B-Bona. I –“

“I-I forgot my phone.”

She hurriedly goes towards her room and not too long after that, she walks straight out without even saying any word. I freeze on my feet. I also can’t seem to look for her face. Even if she stays, I also don’t know what to say.

Things just got worse.

*

I didn’t wait for her to come home even though it’s already almost midnight and the next morning, she’s already gone. The house is so quiet but it is already cleaned. There is no sign of her anywhere.

What could she possibly thought of me last night? That I purposely didn’t want to eat with her? Well, it is true but it’s for the best. Both of us should know our boundaries.

Again, a part of it is also my fault. I shouldn’t care too much, I shouldn’t get too close. I was too careless.

I should just stick to what we had agreed on.

But the sudden sound of the front door made me turn. My stomach suddenly hurt when our eyes met.

“Good morning.”

“M-Morning.” I reply.

“W-Wonho-ssi. Can we talk?” She says and walk into the house. It seems that she just came after a morning jog, judging from her running attire.

“Sure.”

The two of us sit on the couch at the living room. She’s fidgeting with her fingers while looking down at them.

“Did I do something wrong to you, W