#np Baek Ayeon's A Lot Like Love

2019

I mentally facepalm when I look at the poorly made mac and cheese on the table. The cheese is a bit too black, the macaroni appears uncooked. Sighing, I turn to Wonho’s mother who’s standing beside me. She’s putting on a serious look on her face, frowning as if she’s thinking hard.

I screwed up, again.

“I-I think I should cook something else…” I muttered but before I could lift the plate, she quickly swats my hand away.

“No, dear. This still can be fixed.”

“But the cheese’s all burnt…” I squeak, my voice’s getting lower than before, a bit intimidated after she suddenly just hit my hand like that.

“I’ll go and fix this. You stay here.” She snatches the trashy food away and runs towards the kitchen. “Don’t come, Jiyeon! You go prepare the table!” Her shrill voice echoes from afar.

Staring at the empty table before me, I let out another deep sigh. What a failure… She must’ve been so disappointed at me. It’s been months since I promised her to learn how to cook but I literally made no progress. I could’ve practiced yesterday.

It’s all because of Wonho… Last night was irrepressible, neither of us couldn’t stop. It’s like all the yearning I felt towards him was let out on that night, I’ve held it in for too many times before this.

It just felt too good to stop.

It’s different from any other day, the way he held me, kissed me, looked into my eyes. Without saying any word, it’s as if he’s telling me I’m the most beautiful girl in his eyes.

Even thinking about it now give strange sensations throughout my body.

“Jiyeon?”

I twitch when I can feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Your face’s all red. You’re okay?”

“I-I’m okay.” I reply, avoiding her palm that was about to land on my forehead.

“You still haven’t prepared the table?”

“Oh! I’m sorry, Oemonim.”

Wonho’s mother just shakes her while I hastily take a stack of plate at the end of the dining table.

“You know Jiyeon…”

“Yes?” I jumped a bit at her call. Both of us are arranging the plates on the table.

“I’m so glad that you’re a part of this family. Even if you can’t cook, I can find excuses to spend more time with my daughter in law. I can teach you many things, dear. Don’t worry, we can take all the time we want.” She giggles happily and slowly makes her way back to the kitchen.

I can’t help but to pull up a smile, she’s actually not disappointed at me.

But then, another nasty thought came to wipe off that small happiness in my chest.

Am I going to keep being a part of this family for a long time like she said I would?

***

Food was tasty but I didn’t eat much, thinking how it would be much, much better if I made the food myself. Next time, I must make my own cooking. I hastily cleaned up after dinner, while the guys were having their drinks at the dining room. We decided to spend the night here too, so no rushing.

And spending the night here means both of us have to sleep in his room... Gosh, I’m not ready to face him after all that happened between us but I have nowhere to escape. With nervous steps, I carefully make my way inside Wonho’s private room.

How long has it been since I’ve last been in here?

The smell… It’s still the same. A mix of pine and manly soap, just like how he would smell when I walked close to him back in high school. Well, he still gives off that kind of scent but now with a mix of his strong chypre perfume that I love. The interior of the room also hasn’t changed… Shelves of books filled the empty walls and a huge desk sits beside the huge windows.

His room’s grey, from the wallpaper to his bed. It’s his favourite colour. Even his current room at the apartment’s grey. There are Girls Generation posters pasted on the wall beside his desk. It’s quite funny now to remember how I used to envy Kwon Yuri for being Wonho’s favourite member… How silly…

My feet slowly tread towards his huge shelves. Books, countless books of law and order, English novel and literature… That’s all I can see as I walk past them until I stop at the end. That’s when I can see his desk. It’s empty considering the owner doesn’t study here anymore but then, I notice a picture frame on the end side of the table.

It’s the two of us.

The picture was taken during our school trip to Busan. I remember this stupid headband I wore, now I look at it, I just realize how silly it looked on my head.

Both of us looked so happy…

But then my sight darts towards something beside the picture frame. It’s the B2ST album that I gave him when they first debuted… After sitting on the bed, I carefully open the album, feeling slightly nervous.

And as I have expected, the small note is still inside that I feel like tearing up.

Wonho Oppang, make sure to listen to this okay? You won’t regret it, I promise! Hehe

There’s an ugly smiley at the end of the message. I can’t help but to cringe. How childish… I put the album on the side table of the bed and let out a tiny sigh.

How did it came this far… this childish feeling? And how did a silly feeling like this, turned into something so big, so precious, yet so painful?

The click sound of the door shook me.

It’s Wonho! No, not now!

Hurriedly, I rush inside the covers and plop my body onto the bed, staying still. My heart’s pounding so hard, I’m afraid if he could hear it in this silence.

Not too long after that, I can feel the other side of the bed is occupied. With him, now lying on the bed beside me, I thought I couldn’t breathe properly. I’m taken aback by his arm creeping around my waist but his warmth immediately envelopes me, his hold makes me feel safe but at the same time, I’m feeling so nervous.

My body trembles, I want to return his touch so badly but I hold myself back. Even more when I can feel his warm breaths against the back of my neck.

How can I sleep like this?

I don’t know how long time has passed and when I knew it, Wonho silently shifts his body. His arms are not around me anymore that I feel a bi