I sit at the kitchen table looking out at the sky. I never blink and I can feel my entire body limp against the seat. I try to will myself to get up but nothing works. Every so often Jimin or Hobi stops in to make sure I'm ok. I try to put on a brave face for them but I can't even manage to move without tears. So instead they just make me food that will never be eaten and bring me blankets that just sit on the other chair untouched. 

But one day as I'm sitting there a bird flies right up to the window and just stands there staring at me. He chirps and then flies away to who knows where. But it suddenly gives me the motivation to go to the park and find more birds just like him. 

I get up and get clothes on. I grab my keys and immediately head to my car and start it. There's a new fire underneath me that wasn't there before. As I drive I think about the crash and immediately I am tearing up so I try to put on some music. But instead Bigbang comes on and makes me cry even more. 

I shut it all off and then just continue to drive. I forget why I'm driving and instead just focus on nothing but the road in front of me. The birds no longer matter to me. What matters is getting him off my mind long enough that I can stop crying. 

It only takes a few seconds. A few seconds of me spacing out to not see the semi coming over into my lane. I try slamming on the breaks but it's too late. My front hits his tail hard. I hear the front end crunch and the glass from the windshield shatter. 

They always said that in a life or death situation your life flashes before your eyes. Whoever decided that it couldn't possibly be true had never been in this situation. Everything was flashing before my eyes. 

I saw him, Sehun. The way he treated me like I was beneath him. The way he pretended to love me and the way I fell for it. The way he never held me, only kissed me when he got bored and needed a little action. The way he would scream at me and even hit me when it go so bad. 

I saw everything I had ever hated about my life and when I thought this was how I was going out his face appeared. 

The way his brown eyes looked into mine so full of love and so gorgeous. The way he smiled anytime I had ever walked into a room or even just looked at him. He looked at me like I was the only boy he had ever seen. 

I saw the first day and him pulling me into the stall and telling me who he was. I saw the movie theater. I saw the first kiss on that swing out in the back. I saw the dream, the car crash, the flowers, the ashes. Everything. 

They say death is painful but I never felt a thing. I never felt the impact, never felt the way my body just gave up on me. What I did feel was the love that I had recieved for so long. I felt the love that I had reciprocated. 

I felt the wind on the top of that building and when I looked down I was terrified. But I knew that right behind me was Tae making sure that I never fell over. I knew that if I had fallen his hands would have reached out so quickly to grab mine. I wasn't scared of dying. I was scared of giving up. 

I heard the sirens and the constant voices talking to me. But all I could see was his eyes burned into the back of my memory. He was telling me that it was ok to give up. That he would be there waiting for me. I just smiled at him and I saw his brown eyes glint a bit of happiness. 

I died just seconds later. I remember seeing the bright light as I was taken away and brought somewhere where I knew that I would be happier. Where I knew that my Sunshine would be there waiting for me.