Chapter 41: Talk Love 1

Ego had offices in Busan, so Youngjae left early for work, leaving Daehyun alone in the big suite with nothing to do except watching TV. The weather was rainy and cloudy like Daehyun's mood. He was up all night, regretting being rude to Lizzy. It wasn't her fault that she liked Youngjae, it was impossible not to like Youngjae, he himself liked him a lot. Daehyun exhaled sharply and changed the channel, there was nothing interesting on TV, it wasn't like he paid attention anyway, he was very distracted with his thoughts about the chief editor.

    “It’s raining like hell” Youngjae said and Daehyun jumped in his seat.

    “How long you been back?” Daehyun turned around to see the younger man soaked from head to toe.

    “Not too long ago”  

    “You should go and change before you catch a cold”

    “That can wait, first I want to talk to you” Youngjae had his arms crossed and deadpan stared at him “I went to thank Lizzy for the wine and the gummy bears, but she gave me the cold shoulder, so I asked her why...”

    Daehyun’s heart stopped as he knew where Youngjae was going. Lizzy told him about their conversation. How could she? Daehyun held his breath and tried to stay calm. Unaware of Daehyun’s inner turmoil, Youngjae continued:

    “She said it was nothing, but I know her, so I insisted, and then she said I shouldn't talk to her, because my boyfriend didn't like that and she wanted to keep her job, and then I said WHAT BOYFRIEND? And she said YOU, she said YOU told her WE’RE BOYFRIENDS”

    “Wha-what...” Daehyun hesitated and tried to decipher what was going on the younger’s mind. Youngjae seemed calm, but sounded mad “I’ve never spoken to her! You know, I don’t even know her, why would I say those things to her? It’s crazy! She’s crazy!”

    “Are you saying she made up that stuff?” Youngjae eyes went wide open, eyebrows raised high, mouth dropped “Why would she do that?!”

    “I don’t know, maybe she misinterpreted our relationship…”

    “What relationship? We’re just friends”

    “It’s not my fault she thinks otherwise, I never said we’re boyfriends, never”

    “She didn’t just say that, she also said YOU said we keep up appearances by booking a suite with two bedrooms, but we actually share bed. She said YOU said we're very in love and I dumped my girlfriend because I fell head over heels for you, that’s how crazy I am for you, and then YOU told her to leave me alone, I'd never care about her, my eyes are only for you, I'd die and kill for you, I'd do anything to make you happy” Youngjae clenched his fists and gritted his teeth “Why would she lie like that?!”

    “I. Don’t. Know. I’m certain I didn’t say any of those things” Daehyun looked sideways, very impressed by Lizzy’s good memory! He couldn’t believe she told Youngjae everything word for word.

    “I almost forgot” Youngjae scoffed “She said YOU threatened her. YOU said if she keeps chasing me, talking to me, looking at me, smiling or whatever, you'd make me make his boss fire her”

    “Why do you hang out with people like her? It’s clear that she has some serious issues, maybe she forgot to take her meds, because I didn’t say those things, why would I?”

    “I don't know, you tell me” Youngjae's mouth corners turned down indicating how uncomfortable and upset he was.

    “I already said she's lying, who are you going to believe?” Daehyun started biting the side of his lower lip.

    “I want to believe you, but she isn't a liar”

    “So I am the liar!” Daehyun pretended to be offended and got up off the couch “Why would I go around saying we’re boyfriends? Are you crazy? Why would I do that?” Daehyun paced, seeking the nearest exit, he was kind of lost with the heated argument.

    “I don’t know!” Youngjae raised his hands in frustration “You're jealous of me because a beautiful woman likes me instead of you”

    “Trust me, I'm not jealous of you...” Daehyun bit his tongue before saying I'M JEALOUS OF HER.

    “You don't want me to be happy, you want me to be alone like you”

    “I can't believe you said that! I want you to be the happiest person in the world!”

    “Then what's wrong with you? Why did you say those things to Lizzy? Stop trying to place blame on her and tell me the truth”

    Daehyun’s eyes and head turned down, eyebrows held low, skin blushing red. He was ashamed of his behavior, but if he admitted he DID say those things to Lizzy, Youngjae would ask him WHY and Daehyun would have to tell him about his feelings for him, and he had promised himself to keep his feelings to himself, because he didn’t want to push him away, however, it was too late, Youngjae was pretty mad and demanded an explanation.

    Lying wasn’t working, looking for the door wasn’t working either, where was the damn door? The living room appeared to be smaller and smaller. Daehyun looked at Youngjae, and then he realized he wasn’t going to leave him alone until he told him the truth. Daehyun had been lying for so long, he didn’t remember how to tell the truth, but maybe it was time to be honest. He had fallen into a depressed and self-loathing state of mind, maybe talking about his feelings to Youngjae would ease those feelings.

    However, he was too scared that if he told him anything, he wouldn’t want to be around him anymore. It wasn’t like Youngjae wanted to be around him right now though, he just stayed because he required an answer.

    “Do you remember when we took Ganji to Han River?” Daehyun nervously played with his hands.

    “What does that have to do with what’s going now?”

    “You said if I like someone I should tell… her… and if she turns me down, I just move on…”

    “Yeah” Youngjae rubbed his neck “If you like someone you just say it. If you’re rejected, there’s nothing you can do, but at least you know and you can move on. Is this because I talked to Natalie? I thought we’re good, I apologized”

    “It’s not about her… Kind of…”

    “Can you be more clear?”

    “I don’t know what to say…”

    “I’m losing my patience” Youngjae squeezed his neck “Why are you going around saying we’re boyfriends?”

    “Because I like you… and I want us to be boyfriends…”

    “You like Natalie” Youngjae said “In fact, you love her”

    “I do, she's my best friend, I've had feelings for her since forever, but now I like you, love you…”

    “What the hell are you saying? Few days ago you fought with your cousin for her. You ended up in jail, remember?”

    “I remember, and I used my only call on you. I could've called anyone, but I called you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I just wanted to see you, because no matter what, I’m always happy when I see you, when I’m with you... Natalie asked me if I loved her, I could've said yes, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to take advantage of her vulnerability, but the truth is... I didn't say I love her, because I didn't love her anymore...”

    “What the hell am I listening?”

    “I started loving you, it wasn't part of my plan... You've been so kind to me...”

    “You're mistaking kindness with love”

    “No! Himchan, Jongup, Yongguk and Zelo have been kind to me, but I don’t have these feelings for any of them, so I'm not mistaking kindness with love! I don't love them the way... I love you... It's you, it's only you!!!” Daehyun’s eyes filled with tears “I don’t expect you to love me back” he said “Why would you? And I understand if you don’t want to be friends with me anymore”

    “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t my intention to upset you” he his lips before chewing on his lower lip to the point he tasted blood “I’ll talk to Lizzy, I’ll apologize to her and tell her I was joking. She’s nice and she really likes you, and you seem to like her as well… I’m sorry I got in the middle…”

    “I need to use the bathroom” Youngjae suddenly said while loosening his tie and trying to assimilate the information.

    “You need to use the bathroom?” Daehyun was both shocked and confused. He needed Youngjae to say something, anything, but not that.

there's nothing more romantic than confessing your feelings and get a “I need to use the bathroom” in response.

this is how daehyun looks at youngjae, with longing and thrist and a little sad

merry christmas and happy new year :) may the love, happiness and money be with you