Gift for IljaeSwegg

​Gift from ???

Title of the gift: Confidently insecure

Pairing(s): markjin

How many words: 2,415

Rating: PG

Warnings: maybe some bullism (?) and definitely too many kisses


Note to my giftee: well, firstly, happy holidays! Then… I have no idea what’s that ;-; actually I had a better plot but it didn’t really fit your whishes, so I’ve come up with something else and I hope you’ll like it~

Love ya^^

Confidently Insecure

Jinyoung understood that acting was one of his favourite things at the elementary school’s end of year recitation. He enjoyed it that much that he joined an acting club at middle school and then he even continued it at high school.

That club was occupying most of his free time, he spent most of his afternoons exercising on acting with his club mates. In that club he met his best friend Mark, whom was none less than the most important person in his life, with his parents, and he was definitely not having a crush on him. No way.

Jinyoung was the best among his club mates, however he was surprised when he received an offer to join a drama. It was just for a supporting role, but it was an important step for someone who has never appeared on TV.

The single idea made him nervous, but he wanted to do that and he was counting on his club mates support, so he went to tell them the news even before his parents.

“Why have they asked you?! I’m obviously more handsome than you.” Jaebum said.

Jinyoung chuckled, not wanting to take those words too seriously. His friend was only joking, right?

“Good luck, Jinyoung!” Youngjae high-fived him.

“Actor Park!” Jackson yelled. “Don’t forget about us when you’ll be famous.”

“I won’t, I promise!” Jinyoung joked along with him.

When they all finished congratulating him, Jinyoung excused himself as he left to call his parents and tell them the news.

They lived in Busan and they sent Jinyoung to study in Seoul also for giving him more chances to become an actor. Their reactions were the best, they kept telling him how proud they were and how much they loved him. Jinyoung’s eyes got watery, thanking them non-stop for their support.

When he ended the call he noticed that Jaebum was looking at him, as if he was waiting his turn to talk with him.

Jinyoung threw him a questioning look and the guy approached him. “You should decline this offer; you know?”

Jinyoung frowned. “Why?”

“Just a friendly advice. I don’t think people would like to see your non-ironed face in TV.” Jaebum brushed his finger under his eyes, as to point out Jinyoung’s wrinkles.

“I think you’re exaggerating now, Jae. It’s ok to tease me, but that’s too much.”

“I’m not teasing; I’m saying the truth. I’ll propose to replace you in that drama, you just have to give up on your role and I’ll do all the hard work.”

“I don’t want to drop out! Are you drunk? Why aren’t you happy for me like the others?” Jinyoung was so shocked and confused by Jaebum’s behaviour.

“I’m just saying that for your good, I care about you and trust me, to be and actor it’s not enough to know how to act, you also have to be handsome!”

“What’s wrong with my look?”

“Well, I’ve already mentioned those things at the side of your eyes, moreover your lips are too full, your eyebrows are… gross- like your smile and that sort of glaze you have over your eyes by the way – and let’s not talk about your ears’ shape. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting you down. I’m just being 100% honest with you.”

Jinyoung could only stare blankly at Jaebum as he was listing all the things that were wrong with him.

“Just… Just think about it, okay? What would people think when they’ll see you on their TVs?” And with that, Jaebum left him alone.

The next day, here he was. Giving up on his role. He was waiting for his turn to speak with the drama’s director, nervous as hell. Jaebum’s comments – 100% honest comments – negatively influenced his self-confidence, lowering it until under the ground.

“Jinyoung?” He heard a familiar voice calling him.

“Mark? What are you doing here?” Jinyoung assumed a pretty surprised expression.

“I could ask the same. Haven’t you already received the script? Why are you here?” The older boy asked.

“I have, but… I decided to- I decided to give up on my role in this drama.” Jinyoung stuttered. He hasn’t talked to anyone about it and he still wasn’t ready to do so.

“How comes that?! Being an actor wasn’t like- your biggest dream?” Mark unintentionally raised his voice.

“Uhm I don’t feel ready to appear on TV. That’s- that’s too fast.” For real, Jinyoung wasn’t ready to tell the truth yet.

“You aren’t ready?! The ? You’ve been acting for like- seven years and you are not ready?” Mark’s eyes were full of confusion and they were making it difficult for Jinyoung to keep lying.

“I don’t think that’s the right thing for me.”

“What do you mean? You’re great at acting, and no one would disagree with me. What’s wrong with you?” Giving up wasn’t on Mark’s list of things to do.

“What’s wrong with me…” Jinyoung whispered, flashbacks of what Jaebum said filling his mind. “A lot of things.” He continued, still keeping a low tone.

“I don’t know what happened with you, but I’m not letting you dropping this role.” Mark grabbed Jinyoung’s wrist and he brought the boy to his dorm.

“Spit it out.” Mark said since it seemed that Jinyoung wasn’t going to start talking anytime soon.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t pretend to be stupid. What’s the real reason behind your decision to not appear in the drama?” Mark tried to keep calm.

“I’ve already told you. I’m not ready and I’m not really sure if that’s the right thing for me.”

“You aren’t good at lying. You were so excited and happy about this whole situation, how could’ve you changed your mind so drastically?”

Jinyoung lowered his head. He couldn’t lie to Mark, he knew that. But at the same time he was afraid to say the truth.

“Jinyoungie please… Tell me what’s wrong. Don’t you trust me enough or what?”

The younger bit his lip while twisting uncomfortably on the bed. “Fine… I’ll tell you.” He took a deep breath before opening again. “Mark, you know… Actors shouldn’t just know how to act, they should also be handsome. I mean, they appear on TV, many people watch them and people want to see good looking actors on their TVs.

“What’s your point? You’re great at acting and you’re handsome. I just don’t get what’s wrong.” Mark said, genuinely confused.

“I’m- I’m not… For example, I have these things at the sides of my eyes when I smile, they’re so unattractive.” He traced a line under his eyes to help Mark getting his point.

“Who told you that?! They’re not unattractive, actually I find them cute and unique.”

“No one… Really, I was just thinking…”

“Well, you’re wrong. I love these wrinkles under your eyes.” Mark said and, to Jinyoung’s surprise, he leaned in to press a kiss right on the side of his eyes.

The younger blushed slightly. It’s not like Mark has never kissed him, but he found that this kiss was strangely intimate unlike the others which were just random pecks on his cheeks.

“Don’t you ever say nor think that.” Mark whispered. “What else has Jaebum told you?”

Jinyoung widened his eyes. “Ho-how did you know?”

Mark sighed. “I saw you two talking alone yesterday. I assumed that he was the one trying to make you feel insecure and drop your role. He’s just envious of you, trust me.”

“Yeah, maybe… But the things he said are still true.”

“For instance?”

“It’s true that my ears’ shape is weird.”

“It’s not.” Mark said and he leaned in to kiss the tip of Jinyoung’s ear. “It’s so cute on you.”

Fine, now his ears were red, too. As if his cheeks weren’t enough.

“What else?” Mark’s breath hit his skin. Just for you to imagine how close they were.

“He-he said that my eyes have a sort of glaze and that makes them-”

“Shine.” Mark interrupted him. “Your eyes are so beautiful, Jinyoung. Can’t you see how shiny and gorgeous they are?”

When Jinyoung saw Mark approaching his face, he instinctively closed his eyes. A second later, he felt the other boy’s lips linger gently over his eyelid.

When Mark pulled away and Jinyoung opened his eyes, he couldn’t help but blush even more. All these little kisses were making him feeling hot.

Maybe he was enjoying them a bit too much.

“Anything else?” Mark softly asked.

“He also said that my eyebrows are… gross.” Mark wasn’t going to kiss his eyebrows, right? Who the hell kisses people’s eyebrows?

Mark. Mark does kiss people’s eyebrows. He kissed Jinyoung’s eyebrows.

The younger couldn’t refrain a chuckle when the older pulled back.

“I’m happy that I’m making you feeling better.” Mark said, grinning.

“Thank you, Mark.” Jinyoung smiled wholeheartedly.

“Nothing about you is gross, did you hear me?” Mark trapped him into a hug and Jinyoung enjoyed the other scent and warmth, nodding softly in reply.

“Has he told you something else?”

“Uhm… He said that my lips are too full-” Jinyoung stopped halfway of his sentence because oh god was Mark going to kiss him there, too?

He hurriedly untangled himself from the embrace and he got up from the bed.

Mark looked at him with a questioning look, but shrugged it anyway. “You aren’t going to give up on your role, are you?”

“I’m not sure…” Jinyoung replied sincerely.

Mark got up, too, and he put a hand on the younger’s cheek, smiling encouragingly while speaking. “I’ve told you. Jaebum is just envious and you’re absolutely gorgeous. A really handsome actor.”

Jinyoung reciprocated the smile, encouraged by Mark’s words. “I won’t, then.”

That night Jinyoung thought about all the things that Mark has said and has done to him. Does he think those things for real? Does he really think that Jinyoung is handsome? Were all those kisses necessary? If he didn’t run away, would Mark have kissed him on the lips?

Even with so many unanswered questions in his mind, deeply, Jinyoung was aware with the fact that Mark made him feel much better, maybe much more confident with his look than he has ever been in his entire life. He believed Mark’s words because he knew he could trust the older, he was his best friend after all, or not?

Jinyoung fell asleep with a smile on his face, something he wasn’t expecting at all since what happened the other day with Jaebum. But Mark was like that, he could make him happy when he was feeling the worst.

When Jaebum became aware of the fact that Jinyoung wasn’t going to drop out his drama’s role he was angry as hell, but eventually Jinyoung managed to not let his insecurities come back, recalling what Mark has said to him every time he felt that there was something wrong with him.

Like now, his first day of shooting. He was in front of a mirror, checking up his look: he gazed at his eyebrows and then he took some time to look at his ears from different angles.

He curled upwards the corners of and he traced with his fingers the wrinkles that made their way on his face. He lingered a bit on them, as he was looking in his own eyes. Shiny eyes. His previous grin turned into a real smile.

“What are you smiling at?”

Jinyoung turned around and he saw Mark, not that he hadn’t recognized him from his voice. “Nothing, I was just making silly expressions in front of the mirror. What are you doing here?”

“How could I miss your first day as an actor?” Mark chuckled and Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “Jinyoung…” He lowered the tone of his voice. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m excited of course, it’s my first time-”

“No, I mean, about what we talked a couple of weeks ago. You don’t think those things anymore, do you?” Mark interrupted the younger, circling his waist with his arms and pulling him closer.

“Oh… I-I don’t know; I may need some more time. I think I’ve always thought those things, and Jaebum made me realize that other people could think that, too. I’m just…” Jinyoung sighed. “I don’t know.”

Mark pulled him even closer, connecting their foreheads together. “Jaebum didn’t mean that, I’m sure. He just wanted to send you out of his way. You’re beautiful.”

The closeness of Mark’s face and his soft gaze made Jinyoung’s knees weak, but luckily it seemed that Mark’s hold was enough to make him stay still and to not fall on the floor.

“And these lips aren’t too full. They’re just right.” Mark brushed his thumb over the younger’s bottom lip. “You practically ran away that night and I didn’t have a chance to say how amazing your lips are.”

Jinyoung was looking straight in Mark’s eyes and vice versa, none of them had intention to look away. Their faces were so close to each other that Jinyoung could feel Mark’s breath on his lips, his knees getting weaker at every breath.

“Park Jinyoung, it’s your time to have your makeup done!” A girl of the staff shouted from the hall.

Jinyoung was about to back away and break the almost magical atmosphere created with Mark, when the older got rid of the tiny space between their lips. It was really fast and Jinyoung was actually questioning himself if it had really happened, but the warm feeling that was spreading from his lips to his cheeks was telling him that he hasn’t imagined it.

“Good luck with your first drama, I’ll be there also for your second one, and your third, fourth, fifth… I’ll be there for all the dramas that you’re going to do.” Mark hugged him tightly. “I love you, Park Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung could have fainted, but Mark’s tight grip on him and his scent kept him awake. “I love-”

“Park Jinyoung!! Go have your makeup done!” The girl shouted again.

Mark pulled back and looked at him tenderly. “Go have this makeup done before she loses her voice and you lose your role in this drama.” Then he gave a swiftly kiss at the tip of his nose. “See you after the shooting.”

Mark left Jinyoung alone in front of the mirror. He turned around and put his hands on his cheeks, hoping that the makeup girl won’t ask him why his face is so red.