Gift for baekyeol_love_

Gift from ???

Title: Mistake

Pairings: JJProject

Words: 1,524

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: None


AN to Giftee: I really hope you enjoy this! I really tried my best! I wanted to make it ty but decided not to right now. If you want it to be ty, you can let me know and I can make a second chapter or something. Anyway, please enjoy your gift.

Mistake

Jinyoung ran faster, fumbling as the white snow outside kept sinking underneath his feet. He struggled as he ran over his blanketed walkway, thighs burning as he forced them to lift higher. He couldn’t let the other leave, not when there were rare tears in the corners of his eyes. “Jaebum,” Jinyoung called out. He fumbled again as he tried the move faster, the snow pulling him down. He stumbled and fell into the slush, the ice wetting his sweater and making the cross that sat in the middle of his chest freeze his skin. “Wait,” he tried again, “Jaebum, wait!” He climbed back to his feet before finally breaking onto the cleared sidewalk. He grabbed the other’s arm just as Jaebum reached to put his motorcycle helmet on his head.

“What,” Jaebum snapped as he slammed the helmet back onto the seat. He snatched his hand out Jinyoung’s hold, his fist clenched tight in his leather gloves. “What do you have to say to me?” He finally turned to Jinyoung, his face flushed from the cold and his anger displayed on his face. However, all his hatred drained from his body once he saw Jinyoung. The man was soaking wet, his sweater sticking uncomfortable to his skin. His usually immaculate raven hair was matted to his face. Snowflakes scattered in his black locks like stars dotted a midnight sky. His eyes were wide and desperate, red and puffy along the rims. His nose was a rosy pink, the color deepening ever time he rubbed it. He looked terrible. Jaebum sighed irritably but still shrugged his leather jacket off and threw it over Jinyoung’s shoulders. The other hurt him beyond words but he still held him close and rubbed his shoulders to warm him. No matter what the other did, Jaebum would never want to see his Jinyoung like this. “What do you have to say to me,” Jaebum asked again. His voice was soft as he whispered his hurt into Jinyoung’s ear.

Jinyoung flinched. Jaebum’s voice may have been soft but his words were still vicious. What did he have to say to Jaebum? How could he make the man understand? “What do you want me to say,” he asked into Jaebum’s collarbone. He rubbed his icy nose along the column of Jaebum’s throat. He didn’t shiver but Jinyoung didn’t expect him to. He was strong – unshakeable. It was always Jinyoung that bended and broke under the slightest touch. Now was no different, and when Jaebum’s cold gloves ghost his lower back he arched just like he was expected to. “No,” Jinyoung mumbled. He backed away, shoving Jaebum away from him. He was tired of folding, of always changing to fit someone else’s expectations. It didn’t matter anymore if it was Jaebum’s gentle strength or his father’s harsh words that molded him – he was done. “I meant every word I said in there,” Jinyoung stated, “No one can make me take it back. You are the best mistake I have ever made and no one can take this choice from me. Not even you.”

Pain flashed across Jaebum’s face and he backed away as if he was hit. Water lined the bottom of his sharp stare. His jaw popped from the side of his cheek as he worked his teeth together. “Don’t you think that,” he began before he paused. He took a choking breath, closing his eyes before letting it out with a shaky sigh. He was fighting to keep his pain to himself. He was fighting to hide just how badly Jinyoung had hurt him but he could only take so much. “That’s the problem,” he exploded, “That’s the damn problem, Jinyoung!” He then began to simmer down. He didn’t even have it in him to yell. “Look,” he sighed tiredly, “I’m just going to leave, okay. It’s obvious I don’t belong here.”

Jinyoung blinked back confused. “Obvious,” he asked, “It’s not obvious to me because I can’t see you anywhere else other than next to me.” Jinyoung then took a sure step forward. He placed his cold palm onto Jaebum’s cheek and rubbed his thumb tenderly under his wet eyes. Jaebum was breaking right in front of him. He threw a sour looked to house just behind them, glaring when his eyes caught his father standing at the doorway. “Don’t listen to him,” Jinyoung said. He pressed his forehead against Jaebum’s and rubbed his high cheekbone again. “Screw him, Jaebum,” he continued, “Screw him and his muddled interpretations of God’s Word. Only He knows our souls and only He can judge us. Don’t let my father’s words hurt you.” Jinyoung then smiled, leaving a peck on the corner of Jaebum’s mouth. “They never have before.”

It was then that Jaebum finally broke, tears finally dropping freely from his eyes. “It wasn’t his words that hurt, Jinyoung,” he said over the lump in his throat. He then wiped a leather covered hand over his face and threw a defiant glare of his own at the man that was watching them from the door. “Nothing that man said fazed me,” he said confidently and he meant every word. Jinyoung’s preacher father didn’t scare him. He had faced the man many of times and he knew that he would have to face him many more times. It wasn’t his disapproval he was afraid of. “It was your words that hurt me, Jinyoung,” he said. He looked the other in the eye now that he was composed enough to do so. “You were the one that agreed when he called me a mistake,” he said. He then placed his hand over the one that was still on his cheek and gently placed it back to Jinyoung’s side. “Being the best of the worst doesn’t make me good,” he explained. Jinyoung quickly jumped to deny Jaebum, to tell him all the things that Jaebum desperately wanted to hear but Jaebum stopped him. “A mistake is still a mistake,” he said. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he nervously worked his throat, his face turned away. No, it was never the pastor’s approval he needed. It was always Jinyoung’s. “I need you to tell me that this isn’t a mistake.”

Jaebum had his hands in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched. Jinyoung was convinced that he’s never seen Jaebum look so small. He’s never seen him so unsure, so insecure. Jaebum was always so strong in Jinyoung’s eyes. He took on betters without fear like David took on Goliath. People followed him just as the Israelites followed Moses out of Egypt. This wasn’t Jaebum. “Jaebum,” Jinyoung began. He reached for him but Jinyoung noticed how Jaebum moved back so he pulled way. He noticed then that simple touches weren’t going to be enough. He noticed that this time Jaebum needed him to be the strong one. “I love you,” Jinyoung declared. He grabbed Jaebum by the chin and forced him to look at him. “I love you,” Jinyoung said once more, “And I’m sorry I hurt you.” He touch turned gentle when Jaebum nodded but he wasn’t done quite yet. “You are a mistake,” he said, “I tripped onto you. You were unexpected but this – us – is the best thing to have ever happened to me. You are a blessing from God, Jaebum, and I am forever thankful to Him for giving you to me.”

Jaebum nodded slowly, awed and shocked. His heart was soothed as Jinyoung’s words covered it like a balm. He needed that more than Jinyoung could ever know. Constantly his worth was questioned. Friends would ask why Jinyoung chose him; family would tell him that he was just a phase for Jinyoung. However, Jinyoung’s reassurance overpowered everyone else’s doubt – even his own. “Thank you,” he whispered. He stepped into Jinyoung space again, pressing his nose against Jinyoung’s cheek. He chuckled when the other boy shivered and held him close. “Thank you so much,” he said, “You don’t know how much I needed that.”

“You’re right,” Jinyoung said. He wrapped Jaebum in a hug, dropping Jaebum’s jacket and rubbing soft circles into his back. “I didn’t know,” he agreed. He couldn’t have even imagined. He never fathomed that his opinion meant that much to Jaebum. He never thought that he would be holding Jaebum like this, comforting him, reassuring him. For the first time Jinyoung noticed just how ‘human’ Jaebum was. His skin was soft under his fingertips, his body shivering slightly from the cold. His hair was dampened by the falling snow and his once gelled locks now fell softly into the dip of Jinyoung’s collarbone as he nuzzled his throat. He was beautiful in a way that Jinyoung has never seen before. “Don’t hide this from me, Jaebum,” Jinyoung said, “Your insecurities, your doubts; I love them too.” Jinyoung bended once more when Jaebum held him closer, Jaebum’s hold folding him into Jaebum’s body. Maybe he could still bend if it meant bending into this wonderful man’s arms. “I love all of you,” he whispered into Jaebum’s ear, “Meeting you might have been a mistake but loving you will never be.”