Fire Exit Blues 2.5
Half Past Eleven [MINOR REVISIONS]
Since the minimum 1 person quota's reached, I've finished and posted this. It's much shorter than the two-shot and I finished this while being buzzed out from caffeine so don't expect too much. This takes place before Dong composes his song. Anyway, enjoy this 1k+ worth of Junhwe's melodramatic mess! heh
Of all the people Junhwe considered to have a relationship with, Donghyuk was the last one in his list. He was even out of the list at one point.
It’s not because he hated Donghyuk, no. He likes Donghyuk very much. It’s literally impossible to dislike the guy when he never fails to smile at even the most apathetic person (e.g. Junhwe for like, 70% of the time). It's more because Junhwe had found their differences too many. Donghyuk was almost his complete opposite. The only similarities they have, the most obvious at least, are the facts that both of them are born in 1997 and both of them are in iKON.
If asked who he thought was the most compatible with him, Junhwe would easily answer that it's Jinhwan-hyung. They share the same interests, the same taste in music and in movies. Most of all, Jinhwan-hyung understands him the most and Junhwe can count on him for anything - just like how he will do anything for his hyung. Jinhwan is beautiful as well. Junhwe fully appreciated that when the two of them are paired for their fanservice. His hyung is so damn charming and he loved how most of Jinhwan's attention was on him.
That's why on the day Junhwe had realized he's already in love with his hyung, it didn't surprise him. It had felt like an expected outcome even if in response, Jinhwan didn't feel the same way. Junhwe only realized when he's not so blinded, that his hyung always had that faraway look in his eyes even when they're together. He had practically misunderstood his hyung.
Junhwe was hurt, he wouldn't deny that. He felt ing terrible and stupid on top of it. Still, he learned his lesson well and he's sure as hell won't repeat the same mistake. Yet he finds himself, months later, in love again with none other than Kim Donghyuk - his fire exit buddy and the one he had classified as the last person he'd consider.
Junhwe wasn't sure how it happened. He didn't even realize it’s happening until Donghyuk was paired with Jinhwan-hyung and the first thing he thought was "No, Donghyuk's mine". Since then, Junhwe's been afraid of Donghyuk falling for their mat-hyung too. He didn't want Dong to be hurt (and Junhwe didn't want him looking at someone else).
He would have thought it’s a sudden, impulsive but temporary kind of thing. Like a rebound, perhaps. But it's not. At least with that, Junhwe's sure. It's the conclusion, the truth. Even truer than what he felt for his hyung.
Because he wasn't psyching himself to fall just like what he did with Jinhwan-hyung. He had fallen, gradually and naturally, for Donghyuk. With all the differences they have that he began to adore, and the similarities he's eager to discover through their conversations. With Donghyuk, he feels complete.
But the thing is, it's Kim Donghyuk. The angel in their group, the one who's kind, affectionate and warm-hearted to everyone. It's not just him Donghyuk would comfort. Not just him who Donghyuk would smile and listen to. Not just him who Donghyuk would probably hang-out with at the fire exit if given a chance. How could Junhwe think of himself as someone special?
He told himself he won't make the same mistake with Jinhwan again. He blocks out the possible signs he sees so he wouldn't misunderstand. Even if he feels Donghyuk's eyes on him every now and then, and he sees the happy glint in Donghyuk's eyes when they meet at their secret spot, Junhwe tells himself no.
And it's so ing hard because he wants to do something, anything, that can show his true feelings.
For instance, Donghyuk has now fallen asleep and had accidentally leaned his head on his shoulder while they're listening to music. No one would be able to describe the magnitude of Junhwe's urge to pull Donghyuk into his lap and arms so he could sleep more comfortably. The sad piano piece of Yiruma still playing in the earphone can only emphasize his melodramatic feels and inner musings.
He reaches towards Donghyuk's phone and quickly taps the stop button before gently pulling out the earbud from Donghyuk's ear. Junhwe mimics the action with himself and after that, he relishes in the sudden silence and the feeling of having Donghyuk so close to him.
He shifts his head sideways, peeking at Donghyuk's face to see if he's okay. All Junhwe registers is how angelic Donghyuk looks like when sleeping and how he could just lean in to kiss those enticingly cute lips of his. Then Donghyuk would open his eyes, surely shocked, and Junhwe would answer with another kiss. Again and again. Until Donghyuk smiles and laughs and kisses him back.
God, he's such a ing sap.
Junhwe should have cringed at his cheesiness but since he likes the image in his head so much, he doesn't give a damn. He takes advantage of the situation, whispering to Donghyuk's sleeping face the thing he wants so badly to say but couldn't.
"I love you."
Half of him wants Donghyuk to actually be awake and hear what he said. The other half is terrified of that. Junhwe observes the rise and fall of Donghyuk's chest, taking note of the rhythmic pattern of his breathing. The half of him feels relieved Donghyuk's really asleep and, of course, the other says otherwise.
Junhwe is a wreck. And again, a sap. Not only that, he's also a coward. He's too afraid to take his chance out of fear that he'll lose this current thing he has with Donghyuk. Unknowingly (but not regrettably), their fire exit meetings have become a main source of his happiness.
Donghyuk is his happiness. He doesn’t want to lose him.
"Huh?"
Junhwe watches at the corner of his eye as Donghyuk stirs and raises his head from his shoulder, blinking at least 5 times.
", did I fall asleep?" He asks, rubbing his eyes in a way that is unfairly adorable.
Junhwe resists the huge smile from forming on his lips. "What do you expect? You insisted on that classical music thing when I told you Queen's better."
"A change of genre is better once in a while."
"That doesn't sound convincing when you're the first one to get knocked out." Junhwe smirks when Donghyuk starts pouting. "Those loud snores though..."
Donghyuk's cheeks flush red in embarrassment and Junhwe laughs as Donghyuk smacks his arm and insists that he doesn't snore. He also adds that he only fell asleep because he's tired from a late night practice with Yunhyeong. Junhwe knows but pretends not to care too much.
Junhwe teases him again and Donghyuk retorts. Back and forth they go until both of their SMS alerts ring to inform them that Hanbin is demanding their presence back at the practice room. His heart flips when Donghyuk briefly wraps an arm around his shoulder while they leave the fire exit, a bright smile on his face as he whispers "Thanks for letting me sleep a bit."
In his ideal world, Junhwe would have reached to hold Donghyuk’s hand in his and respond with "Anything for you, baby" or any of the cheesy lines in the romantic movies and dramas he'd watched. But since he's in reality, he settles with a nod and a "You owe me one" before patting Donghyuk's back.
Donghyuk snorts but still has that bright smile, and that's all it takes for Junhwe to forget the questions and frustrations on his head.
He doesn't know how long he could be satisfied with just that, but for now it's enough. The time they spent at the fire exit is theirs alone, together with the smiles, laughs and comfort they give to each other. Even if everything is just out of brotherly love for Donghyuk.
Junhwe supposes he can continue torturing himself with that just a bit more.
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