Happy Valentines Day everyone!

It completely slipped out of my mind until deactivatein321 someone reminded me and argued that there's a dire need to keep the barely afloat JunDong ship sailing on this day. At least in ficdom. Idk how accurate that need is, but here is my JunDong Valenties fic. lol

If the title isn't enough of a hint, this is inspired by Hug Me + Best Friend by our precious iKON boys. I hope you enjoy reading this ^^

There’s this thing he and Junhwe does whenever the nights are cold and neither of them had anything better to pass the time with. They would meet at that crossing near their high school, regardless of how late it already is, then walk together towards the quiet playground park south of their neighborhood, where a small street food stand would be opened from late evening to the early cracks of dawn. Junhwe would always pay for the drinks and Donghyuk would always handle the food costs. The arrangement had caused friendly arguments over their limited student allowances and Junhwe’s obnoxious appetite, but it was still an unspoken necessity. Something unquestionable.

Such as their deep friendship.

Nowadays, the little night trips (or the “cheap boys’ night out” that Yunhyeong wittily coined for them) had significantly lessened. Not because of any unfortunate changes to their relationship, but because of work schedules that don’t match, and all the other little things that warrant their attention more. The locations had been upgraded to not-so-cheap ones, while the animated talks they usually share are now exchanged over phone calls or chatting logs full of annoying emojis and funny gifs. Junhwe sometimes pester him for a video call just so he could show off his good looks and if Donghyuk is feeling gracious, he’ll agree to it.

When the need for their traditional night out comes though, the invitation would be in the form of a simple SMS message with the sentence “Let’s talk” or any other variation. Amusingly, the moderately serious topics would be talked over light cocktails and overpriced bar food. The heavy, life-changing ones are reserved for a trip back to that quaint park in their childhood neighborhood. They no longer meet at that school crossing but would drive straight to the park instead.

The old man who once gave them student discounts for his street food is now long gone. His son had taken over, however, and greets them with a wide grin and a playful demand for them to buy as many snacks as they could. Junhwe assures the man with a loud laughter, as if he’ll be the one to pay for the food (they still have that food-drink arrangement all this time) and Donghyuk quips about the broken hard drive Junhwe had to replace.

Hotbars, fishcakes and a can of light beer - that’s their usual choices.The usual question comes when they’re settled at the swing that’s just a stone-throw away from the food stand, their first round of the snacks almost finished.

“What’s up?”

“Fine...” Junhwe (or Donghyuk) would always answer, usually with a trail-off, and just because. It’s either a tactic to stall or to gather the words, and from the way Junhwe is slowing chewing, Donghyuk can tell it’s more of the latter.

“I’m going to propose to Jinhwan tomorrow night.”

He wishes Junhwe had taken longer with his words.

“Oh. Oh. That’s great Junhwe! Finally!” He stops lightly swinging to grin at Junhwe. He’s starting to tremble a bit too, due to the cold gentle wind, he’s sure.

Of course not.

“Everyone’s starting to wonder, you know.” He stands up from the swing, successfully throwing the stick at the trash can a foot away, and pushing his hands down the pockets of his trench coat. He makes a move to shift his weight from one foot to another, pretending to create warmth for himself.

“It’s been 5 years, right? Since you and Jinani-hyung got together?”

“Four.” Junhwe sighs and shakes his head. “No, 5. You’re right. 5 years.”

“What’s with that? You should be sure by now.”

Donghyuk laughs, to make Junhwe see he’s really happy with the news, but more so to convince himself that he’s alright. He’s doing pretty well with holding himself up, he thinks. It’s been years for him, as well.

Years since he accepted Junhwe won’t love him back the same way he loves him.

“What’s wrong? You look pensive.” he asks when Junhwe didn’t so much as smirk at his laugh. The lack of response causes him to worry a little, especially when Junhwe stood up as well, unfinished hotbar stick forgotten by his side, while he makes his way towards him.

“Don’t tell me you forgot to buy a ring.”

“No. I’m not that stupid.” Finally, there’s the smirk. But it only appears for a brief second.

“Then what’s eating you up?”

Apparently, nervousness. Junhwe sighs; hunches his shoulders in helplessness and tells him the things he can’t say so easily to their other friends. It has always been the reason for the night trips since the beginning. It started with a simple fear to fail a test, then it grew to confessions of having crushes, until walls were completely let go and insecurities and fears are shared so willingly.

“What if he says no?” Junhwe whispers, eyes downcast in doubt and voice trembling, which is so unlike his usual confidence. “What if after everything, it just won’t work out?”

Everything entails both the pleasures and the pain. Everything speaks of similar nights like this, where Junhwe is either happy or angry because of Jinhwan-hyung, and Donghyuk is always there to listen. Always there to celebrate, to comfort and to assure.

“It will. And he will say yes because you love each other.”

Always there. For Junhwe. And it’s enough for Donghyuk. Always.

But perhaps it’s the slow realization that’s finally hitting him. Of the fact that these nights might soon be over too. That his role, the role he’s been holding on to, will soon be taken over by someone else completely.

And Junhwe has no idea. No idea that the way his fears have disappeared by his words and the wide smile replacing the tight line of his lips are both emphasizing the inevitable.

“H-Hey now.” At least the wide smile on Junhwe’s face drops in sudden worry for him. “Why are you tearing up?”

“I.. I don’t know.” Donghyuk shrugs, quickly taking out both hands from his pockets to wipe the tears. He laughs and uses the moment to think of an excuse.

“Must be that, you know? That feeling when your troublemaking dongsaeng finally finds his way in life…”

Junhwe deadpans at him, as expected. “You’re really gonna play that joke right now? For the nth time, the 2 months doesn’t mean you’re my hypothetical hyung.”

“But it made you ease up, didn’t it?”

“...Yeah.” Junhwe takes a deep breath and smiles again. “Yeah. Thanks.”

And that should be it. The end.

Usually, they would go straight to the food stand owner to say goodbye, and make their way to the parking lot. But right now, Donghyuk doesn’t want to end the night like that. He needs this particular night to be symbolic. A reminder.

And deep in his heart, a final selfishness.

He laughs at Junhwe’s unsure face as he opens up his arms for a silent demand to be hugged. Hugs are never a thing for the two of them no matter the circumstances. There are some rare moments though, all of them tragic, such as the day when his dad passed away, and when Junhwe’s sister left Korea for good. In a way, the context is fitting.

“Wait, seriously?”

“Seriously.”

He almost laughs again when Junhwe makes a show to begrudgingly open his arms to him too. Donghyuk grins and steps in, wrapping his limbs around Junhwe’s frame.

“You can do it, Junhwe. Be happy with hyung.”

“I will.” He feels Junhwe’s arms finally circling around him too. “I never told you this enough, Donghyuk-ah. Thank you. I’m very, very grateful you’re my best friend.”

Junhwe presses his hands more on his back, so Donghyuk grabs into his feelings more for the last time. He tightens his grip, curls his fingers around the fabric of Junhwe’s coat, and buries his face on Junhwe’s chest. But he still keeps a certain control. He takes in everything in that single moment, not more than necessary. Just enough to establish importance and limitations.

“Me too, Junhwe. I’m very grateful too.”

And when he pulls away, with the sincerest of smiles offered to his best friend, he knows he’ll be alright.

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There’s this thing he and Donghyuk does whenever the nights are cold and there’s nothing better to spend time with. They’d meet at the school crossing in front of the records shop they used to hang-out with Chanwoo and Yunhyeong-hyung, and would make their way to the lone nightly food stand at the South street park. 8 PM or 10 PM - it doesn’t matter. Junhwe would always sneak out because his parents would rather he read the next Math lesson, but he has a suspicion they just really let it slide because it’d be Donghyuk he’ll meet anyway. They always loved Donghyuk.

Donghyuk would whine about their homework but would still show up just in time or a few minutes earlier. He’d be bringing an extra scarf, and Junhwe would remember that it’s colder outside than in the confines of their homes, which would give Donghyuk the right to scold him for always forgetting. Junhwe would shrug and say sorry, but he never really tried to remember because he had always trusted Donghyuk to bring that extra scarf.

Just like how he’d trusted Donghyuk with everything else. Always.

A lot of changes had happened since those high school days. They graduated, became college students, graduated again, and applied for their first jobs. He resigned, decided to pursue poetry writing, and became successful much earlier than expected. Donghyuk stayed in that first company, did his job much better than his peers, and now handles his own Social Media Marketing team.

They met people. He dated two and stayed with Jinhwan-hyung after that. Donghyuk dated one person - Bobby, as he’s called, and then broken up after almost two years. After that, Donghyuk decided to stay single for the meantime and though Junhwe can see his best friend is happy with that decision, it didn’t really sit well with Junhwe. More than anyone, Donghyuk deserves to be loved and to be taken care of. He wants Donghyuk to experience the happiness of being with someone he truly loves and who truly loves him back.

But what does Junhwe know anyway? For long he’d thought he has that reality. In the end, he found out it’s just an illusion.

“Hey. I was starting to wonder what happened.”

Donghyuk finally arrives at the usual playground, joining him at the swings. Junhwe can sense the veiled worry in his best friend’s soft voice. He can’t blame him since he didn’t contact anyone for a week after that night he proposed to Jinhwan.

“So, what’s up?”

“...Fine.”

Donghyuk nods and waits for him to continue. When he stays silent, his best friend starts rambling a bit, taking note of the food stand being closed for tonight, and comments on the number of people around being lesser than usual. Junhwe knows it’s a way to lighten up the mood.

He feels bad for making Donghyuk exert more effort, so he says it in one breath.

“Jinhwan-hyung said no.”

Despite the feeling of resignation heavily lingering inside him, Junhwe still finds amusement on how Donghyuk reacts as exactly as he expects him to. There’s the widening of eyes and his mouth pursing and unpursing for words that he can’t speak out due of shock. Then there’s the softening of gaze, worry and panic in there, as a hopeless “I’m sorry” is spoken. And like he always does, Donghyuk starts to drown in his thoughts that surely implies having a fault in his peril.

“You’re blaming yourself. Don’t.” Junhwe blurts out with a scowl. Donghyuk gives him a sorrowful look.

“But maybe I could have--”

What? Talked to Jinhwan-hyung? Nothing could have changed Jinhwan-hyung’s mind. Both their minds.

“Don’t.”

He uses that warning tone that he rarely uses so Donghyuk doesn’t push anymore. Silence reigns automatically, which is fine since he needs it to gather his words anyway. He’d prepared the explanation already, practiced it again and again in his head, but he feels like no matter how much he sugarcoat his words, he’ll still end up making his best friend feel bad.

He’d thought taking the big step was what Jinhwan-hyung wants. Their relationship had never been smooth-sailing from the start, but he’d always been right with his choices, and that’s why they managed to stay strong for 5 long years. That’s what he thought, at least.

“He said we’re just desperately trying to stretch something that should have been let go a long time ago. He had enough.” he adds to his explanation. “I should know why, he said. That my ignorance has always been part of the problem, and that I should find out the reason by myself.”

“That’s… rather vague.” Donghyuk still sounds worried. “And you? Why did you just let him go?”

That’s the other thing.

Because when his love of 5 years had walked out the door, he didn’t feel any desire to get him back. Because in that moment when he stood alone in the room, he felt free.

And when the high of emotional and mental turmoil had died down, the first thing he’d thought of was that night when he told his best friend of his plans to propose. Of Donghyuk’s smiles and laughs. Of his tears. Of how he’d felt Donghyuk’s heart beat in tandem with his when they hugged.

Of how he’d wanted to keep Donghyuk for much longer. In his arms. Always.

He stands up from the swing and approaches Donghyuk, grabbing him up and wrapping his arms around him in a way that Junhwe admits is more intimate than how he’d embraced his now ex-boyfriend. Donghyuk tenses up instantly, obviously shocked, and blurting out a question of why he’s doing this; if he’s alright. Junhwe sighs and buries his head on Donghyuk’s shoulder. There’s a foreign kind of anxiousness in him, and yet he had never felt something so right.

“Just for 10 seconds… let me stay like this.”

Jinhwan-hyung had told him he should know why they had to stop. Junhwe thinks he knows now.

Donghyuk does give him the 10 seconds, just staying still and letting him savor the moment. A light joke about being too clingy is spoken after that, another attempt to lighten up his mood, and Junhwe appreciates it but he much rather continue having Donghyuk this close.

However, he also knows it’d be too much for the moment so he pulls away. Donghyuk is smiling softly, questions obvious in his eyes, but he doesn’t voice them out. Junhwe would want to explain and ease his confusion but only when the time is right. When both his mind and heart are absolutely sure, and he had put himself back together.

Junhwe hopes Donghyuk will still be there to listen when the time comes.

He takes a deep breath and nods at himself. “I’m fine now.”

Donghyuk narrows his eyes at him. “Really? You don’t have to pretend June-ya.”

“I’m not!”

To assure his best friend, Junhwe wraps an arm around his shoulders and announces an impromptu samgyupsal feasting at the Hongdae area as they start to walk to the parking lot. That should be enough of a cue for his best friend to believe him.

“Donghyuk.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m very grateful I have you.”

A soft pink appears on Donghyuk’s cheeks, only visible because of the intensity of the street lights around. Junhwe wants to believe it’s because of the intentional emphasis in the last word he said, but probably it’s due to the sudden talk of sentimentality.

“You should. What would you do without me, Koo Junhwe?” Donghyuk responds with a playful snort. Then he shakes his head and grins. “Let’s get out of here.”

Junhwe agrees with a laugh. Indeed, what will he do without Donghyuk? Now, it’s perfectly fine to leave the depressing talks at their beloved park.

The next time they’ll be there, it’ll be when he finally offers his everything. He’d realized and now admits he hadn’t done that with Jinhwan all along but with Donghyuk, it’ll be unacceptable if it’s anything short of that. His beliefs will never change. Donghyuk deserves to be loved, to be happy and to be taken care of.

For the sake of it, and from the very bottom of his heart and soul, Junhwe hopes Donghyuk’s eventual answer will be “Yes”.

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Of course, it's perfectly okay to pretend the 2nd half didn't happen if unrequited love fits your mood more. ^^;;

I wish lots of love for everyone ♥