22:50

Flashbacks

This time I'm not dreaming.. I'm pretty sure of it. I'm lying on a bed, in a cold room, I think it's ventilated. My head hurts so much, but not like the knives stabbing my stomach. It feels so sour, tears flood my eyes and fall down my temples, moistening my hair.

I opened my eyes, and closed them from the sudden pain that hit my temples. They began to beat in rhythm with my fast heartbeat, and I felt a terrible thirst. Someone took my hand, forcing my eyes to open despite the pain and blur.

"Are you OK? Ellie-ya?"

His voice is really comforting. It's a calm, caring voice.. A voice that makes me feel safe.

"Sehun?" My lips released his name, followed by coughing. That caused my body to raise itself in a sitting position. The one I called Sehun, even though I knew it wasn't him, held my hand tight and my hair gently.

My eyes grew accustomed to the light and I finally saw him.

I released a quiet "you" with a weak voice.

"Me" he answered and threw me a sad half smile.

"What took you so long?" I pulled my hand and he let me go.

"I'm sorry" he said, his sad smile still drawn on his face. It was the same.. Just like the photo.

"Are you in pain?" He touched my forehead with a warm hand and sighed, while I removed it. I didn't want him to touch me.. His calm voice, his tender touch, I wanted none of those. All I wanted was..

"You're feverish, but pale. How is this possible. Ah"

All I wanted was..

"Jongin..."

An explanation!

Jongin who I remember from that picture was right in front of me. He wore a black jacket. His hair was shining from the wet snow.. It's snowing outside apparently. Seeing him for the first time is shocking. His dark, shining skin reminded me of chocolate.. Or I was just hungry. His eyes were deep, just like Sehun's, but the feeling was different. While Sehun's eyes were two deep oceans, Jongin's eyes were deeper. They were so deep, that staring at them all day would never lead to the secrets buried in there.. The emotions he hid, the unshared feelings.. Who are you, Jongin-ah?

"Why didn't you come earlier?"

My voice was throbbing, but my eyes were dry. Actually.. The right question was supposed to be: Why am I here? What happened? But no, this was not what I really wanted to know.. An explanation while he's still here. The person who loved me as it seems. The person who didn't come for me when I woke up, after all this time, not even remembering my name.

Jongin tilted his head to one side and threw me another tender look, his smile, terribly gentle.

"Don't smile. Just tell me" my voice echoed in the white room, which I knew was a hospital. After all, hospital room was the first thing I saw after I've woken up in my present life. It was more familiar than home.

Insistingly, I placed my hand on the white bed sheets and raised myself up and closer to him.

"I'm here now" Jongin held my shoulders, and pushed me towards the bed. It wasn't a forceful push, even tho he used his strength against my rejection. I finally lay my head on the pillow. My body tingled from his touch.

"Don't be afraid, and take some sleep, Ellie-ya.. When you rest we will discuss everything."

I don't want to SLEEP - but my eyes were already closing. Was this magic? I tried to fight but my strength has left me.

I want..to..

My eyes closed under the spell of Jongin, when he placed his indexes on them. I fell asleep, hunted by my thoughts.

I was in a dark place. Really dark. I was in my own head, as I realized after a while. It was a trap.. A terrible black maze. I was lost and helpless, hopeless. There was no escape from this prison. From myself.

Am I awake? I don't think I am. I try to move my body but I realize I don't have a body! I'm freaking out, I want to touch my face, and then I remember I don't have any hands! I am not awake! This is a dream! A terrible terrible dream! Jongin did this to me! He locked me here and now will I ever wake up?

Who is he? Who? I want to know. I hate him! I want to cry and tears come right when I ask for it! Hot tears or cold. I don't know, but they're liquid. That's how I know that's tears.

It's dark.. Darkness fills the place, if that's even a place. Maybe the place fills up the darkness or it makes darkness darker.

In this darkness.. Where am I? Who am I?

"Jongin?" My voice is weak.

"Jongin??" The question sounds stupid. But I need to find him. He must be here somewhere.

Wake up. Wake up! I am weaping.

WAKE UP!

"Annyeonghaseyo, Exo Kai imnida!"

Who's this? Where?

"Who is this?" I hear myself and the voice fills my unexisting ears again.

"Annyeonghaseyo, Exo Kai imnida!"

It's really far away.. I have to follow that voice but I don't have feet to lead me.. Instead I wait, holding my breath.

"Annyeonghaseyo, Exo Kai imnida!" The cheerful voice fills my entire self again.

Come closer.. Come....

"Annyeonghaseyo, Exo Kai imnida!"