Is it weird to announce my return to writing Changmin fics and Changmin-related fics on the same day that he announces his upcoming wedding and I am hurting and my heart is breaking?

Please bear with me and this long announcement. 

I am hurting, but let me make it clear that I am also happy for him. 

Today has been an emotional rollercoaster. Heck, the past year has been an emotional rollercoaster.

As you can remember from my previous announcement (previous chapter), the cancelation of the TVXQ concert in Manila last June 2019 prompted me to distance myself from the Cassiopeia fandom and to stop writing Changmin fics. After some months, I was beginning to get over the hurt and disappointment over the cancellation.

But then, on Dec. 30, 2019, Changmin announced that he’s dating. I wasn’t fully over the hurt from the concert, and a new (and much worse) hurt came from this announcement. Logically, I know that we are just fans. We need to accept that they will fall in love, and it’s not going to be with us. But I loved Changmin for more than 7 years. Yes, I know it’s downright stupid of me to fall in love with a person in a different country whom I’ve never met and who doesn’t even know that I exist. But Kpop idols are packaged with that very purpose—they’re meant to make fans fall in love with them so that their agencies can earn lots of money from the in-love fans. Logically, I knew these things, but I still fell for Changmin.

Then, today, June 12, 2020, Changmin announced his upcoming wedding in September. I wasn’t even supposed to know this. After the cancelled concert and his gf announcement, I really went on news blackout over TVXQ. I unfollowed TVXQ pages on social media. It was cowardly, I know, but I was hurt and was trying to protect myself from more hurt. But I still found out about his wedding announcement today through a good friend of mine. I am actually grateful that I heard it from her instead of being surprised on social media (because somehow, despite the news blackout, Changmin still somehow manages to pop up in my newsfeed sometimes). 

I am hurt, but I’ve also had closure now. 

I don’t think I can ever return as the full-fledged Cassie that I was before. I don’t think I can truly immerse myself in the fandom again. For now, I will still distance myself from the fandom and TVXQ in reality, while still wishing them well a