40: Baekhyun loved Pepero. Luhan loves Baekhyun. Pairing!BaekHan/LuBaek, Side!KrisSoo/ChanXing, PeperoDay!Special, Warning!(Non-violent/Non-explicit)CharacterDeath

As any broke college student knew, the best day to celebrate Pepero Day with a significant other was actually the day after. Like Halloween and on sale candy, except in this case it was cookie sticks dipped in deliciousness. (If that wasn't a euphemism Baekhyun absolutely loved, then Luhan didn't remember what was.)

"It's a Hallmark Holiday," their friend Kyungsoo would groan every year in utter disdain for Lotte's capitalizing of romance. He'd studied abroad in Canada once and he was more knowledgable about that sort of thing than the rest of them, so no one really said anything and always pitched in a little extra to buy Kyungsoo some of the dessert snacks on the years that he celebrated Pepero Day alone. (Before Kris manned up and asked him out, basically.) They could afford this because Pepero Day for Baekhyun, Luhan and their friends really was celebrated on the 12 of November and so Kyungsoo often found himself eating Pepero well into the new year because his friends were generous in their love. (That and buying in bulk was cheaper.)

Each of them had a signature flavor and that made bulk-buying super easy: Just send out the tallest (Chanyeol) and the strongest (Kris or sometimes Yixing, depending on the year) and in a few hours there would be Pepero to be shared all around. Times like those were the happiest of Luhan's college memories. He'd been lucky to find friends who accepted him for his accent and faltering Korean and who looked past his admittedly pretty face to realize that there was actually a pretty cool person underneath it all. No one had looked deeper than Baekhyun, though, so as all six of them finished their friendly celebrations that usually consisted of eating contests and bad impressions of walruses with Pepero stuck up everyone's nose, Baekhyun and Luhan always found time to sneak away and just be together.

The first year was hilarious because they were still freshmen then, new to the world and to themselves, and Baekhyun's crush on Luhan had been so distracting that he'd forgotten to filter his words. "There's a new flavor out," he told Luhan in excitement as they leaned side by side and shoulder brushing shoulder against the railing on the dorm building roof. "It's got the flavor inside the cookie and it's called ." He snickered then and pulled out a lone box of the stuff from behind his back shyly. "I thought I'd give you some, since I want to see you ." Luhan raised an eyebrow and blushed with a self-conscious laugh before Baekhyun self-corrected, "I mean, I thought you'd like to try something new?" Baekhyun coughed awkwardly but Luhan turned his head suddenly and kissed Baekhyun hard enough to swallow the other's embarrassment. Baekhyun was surprised, to say the least, but it wasn't like he hadn't been interested from, like, the beginnging so he kissed Luhan back. They'd been together ever since.

(And had become their flavor too. Kyungsoo complained that they couldn't monopolize an entire flavor of Pepero just because they'd gotten their lives together a little faster than him and Kris or Yixing and Chanyeol. Yixing complained that he thought Kyungsoo didn't even like the holiday so why was he mad?)

Four years of school fly by faster when there's someone to make soup when you're sick or order chicken when you've been studying for what feels like 37 years straight and you need sleep but chicken's a pretty good alternative. And then there was the hand holding and the coffee buying and simply the joy of having a boyfriend who'd been a best friend first. Put simply, when in college Baekhyun and Luhan were absolutely, perfectly happy. Then they graduated. And real life hit like a tennis ball to the face when all you've got to defend yourself is a ping-pong paddle. Luhan's visa ran out and his first job had him in Beijing anyway, so for that first year they toughed it out, together at Christmas when it counted but on Skype for their Pepero Day. Yixing and Kris had gone back to China too so it wasn't like Luhan and Baekhyun were suffering alone, but they'd been together longest and loved the deepest so maybe they at least suffered a little more than the rest did.

The second year apart was harder than the first. Much harder. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder but it also breeds loneliness and so Luhan found himself absolutely crushed but maybe not as surprised as he might have been when Baekhyun admitted to sleeping with a coworker. (In Baekhyun's defense, Luhan knew that his company's intern had the hots for him and he may or may not have been considering doing with Zitao exactly what Baekhyun had apologized for doing with Sehun.) They stayed together for a little while after that, inspired by the abrupt elopement of Kyungsoo and Kris because Kris needed a Korean visa and gay marriage was legal in Canda and they loved each other anyway so why not, right? (They got married on 11/11/11 because it was the luckiest day of the year--the luckiest day of ever, really--and Kyungsoo didn't believe in Pepero Day but he certainly believed in that.) Luhan confided to Baekhyun that he always thought they'd be first. Baekhyun agreed with a sad smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and then said those fateful words, "Let's just break up." They spent their last night together as as their favorite flavor of Pepero and when Luhan woke up the next morning on what he considered the real Pepero Day, he was alone.

The third year apart was easier for some obvious reasons, but also as hard as the first two had been because Baekhyun and Luhan had been boyfriends for so long that it took a while for them to remember what it felt like to be friends. By the time the anniversary of their breakup rolled around, Baekhyun found a box of Pepero in his mailbox and a note with Luhan's writing that read simply, "I miss you, Baek. I hope you're living happily. Find someone special this Pepero Day and share the box with them." But Baekhyun wasn't living happily. He wasn't. Not without Luhan.

(Baekhyun hadn't felt allowed to mourn the end of their relationship because he'd been the one to do the breaking. He hadn't cried when it happened for exactly that reason, but he cried then. For Luhan. For the end of their happiness. For himself.

For himself because he was dying and he'd known he was since before the impromptu wedding that last November. And because he was a noble idiot who loved Luhan more than he loved himself and would never ever bring to Luhan the kind of pain that Baekhyun knew his death was sure to bring. Because he was alone.)

By the time Luhan found out about Baekhyun's illness, the fourth year after graduation rolled around and it was too late. His friends hadn't wanted to tell him--and Baekhyun had asked that they didn't--so when he opened his own mailbox their Pepero Day to find a box of Pepero tied with a pretty ribbon in Baekhyun's favorite color, Luhan had smiled. Finally, he thought, finally they were friends again. But there was a note attached to the back of the box and it was as familiar to Luhan as Baekhyun's kisses because it was the same one Luhan had written for their Pepero Day the year before. The words he'd written remained unchanged except a sprawling "LUHAN" had replaced what was once Baekhyun's name and there was another message added toward the bottom. (Though Luhan had a hard time reading the ink painfully smudged by Baekhyun's tears.) "I miss you, Luhan. I hope you're living happily. Find someone special this Pepero Day and share the box with them." Luhan knew these words well and recited them almost by heart as he made his way down to Baekhyun's added message. "I'm sorry," the note said. "It wasn't fair of me to do this to you, but I didn't see another way. I love you, Luhan. I've always loved you, Luhan. Happy Pepero Day. Our day." Two minutes later, Luhan got a call and his world fell to pieces.

Grief sometimes manifests in strange ways, but no one was particularly surprised when November 12 rolled around for the first time since Baekhyun's passing and Luhan was an absolute sobbing mess. All four of his (remaining) friends had shown up at his door in a show of support that had Luhan sniffling grateful when he realized he wouldn't have to suffer through this alone. The rest of the year had been literal hell and yet Luhan had survived it somehow, but this was the one day when he wasn't sure he could make it through. Kyungsoo had grumbled as usual and Kris had gone out with Chanyeol to buy some Pepero like they always did and all agreed that Yixing's walrus impression was the greatest any of them had ever seen. The normalcy was calming, even if Luhan did burst into tears every so often and hiccup through the rest of the day as he constantly tried to compress his emotions and never quite managed. It was Kyungsoo who decided that Luhan needed to start a tradition to make one of his and Baekhyun's favorite days of the year a good one again. (But visiting Baekhyun had been Chanyeol's idea, actually. Since Luhan had successfully put in for a transfer that took him back to Seoul and back into the loving circle of friendship that had gotten him through many many other trials, Chanyeol's suggestion wasn't as farfetched as it might have been if Luhan were still back in China, celebrating their Pepero Day alone.) With watering eyes and the barest glimpse of a smile, Luhan nodded his agreement and all five of them piled into Kris' SUV to go see their friend and tell him "Hello."

That was enough of a tradition for the other four, but for Luhan a mere visit was not enough. Baekhyun had been everything to him and Baekhyun had loved Pepero Day more than anyone Luhan had ever met. So Luhan left Baekhyun a box of -flavored cookie sticks beside their friends' flowers and made a promise. "Every year," he whispered to Baekhyun, voice choked with unshed tears that would have fallen if Luhan hadn't already emptied his tear ducts multiple times that day alone. "Every year I promise to come back to see you. And I'll bring you Pepero too, because no matter what happens in my future, I'll be thinking of ours. Of the one we could have had, together. I love you, Baek. So, so much."

Luhan was true to his word. He visited Baekhyun whenever he wanted, without any consistent pattern and usually without any gifts, just to talk really. But Luhan always, always made sure to come by on November the 12 with a box of Pepero in his hand.

(This year Luhan brings something else in his hand, too. Or more appropriately someone else. "He's really great, Baek," he tells his former lover through unshed tears that still don't fall, not because they can't but because Luhan no longer needs them too. "You'd have liked him, I think. He really loves me." Luhan lets out a small laugh and places the box against Baekhyun's tomb stone as Minseok comes up from behind to press a loving hand of support against Luhan's slightly shaking shoulders. "It's funny, though," he admits to Baekhyun after a moment as he allows Minseok to help him up from his crouched position and smiles at his new lover gratefully, "because Min's absolutely allergic to Pepero.")

I tried to end it...hopefully? But still, I'm sorry for this.