CHANLU: Call Me Baby (You Know My Name, Boy)
Counting to Infinity24: Chanyeol has a Jongdae, and Jongdae has a Luhan. Chanyeol wants a Luhan, too; he just doesn't now how to get one. Pairing!ChanLu, Tech!AU, CallCenter!AU, BFF!ChenYeol/ChenHan
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hello, you've reached EXO Tech Assistance, what can I do for you today?"
"Is this Jongdae?"
"Um? No?"
"Can I talk to Jongdae?"
"I'm sorry, it's against company poli–"
"He said, "Call me at work." How am I supposed to call him at work if you won't connect me? It's not you, I get it, but seriously, Jongdae, you , why can't you just answer your cell phone like a normal person?"
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hello, you've reached EXO Tech Assistance, what can I do for you today?"
"Are you the guy who's not Jongdae?"
"Um, yes. I mean, I think so?"
"You think so?" Pause. "This isn't Jongdae is it?"
"It's not."
"Then can I leave him a message through you?"
"Sir, you mentioned in your last call that you have his cell phone number. Why don't you try that? It's against company poli–"
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hello, you've reached EXO Tech Assistance, what can I–?"
"What can you do for me today? Yeah, this isn't my first rodeo."
"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not–"
"Not Jongdae? That's alright; by this point I kind of figured."
"Then is there something else I can do for you today?"
"Can you stop by my new apartment today after work and set up my wifi?"
"Did you just proposition me, sir? I'm not sure that's appropriate."
"Well if Jongdae would answer his freaking phone, we wouldn't be having this problem, now would we?"
"I'm not sure what it is you'd like me to do about that, sir."
"For god's sake, if you must call me something, my name's Chanyeol, otherwise I feel like you're my butler."
"Alright, Chanyeol, well, have you tried setting up the wifi on your own?"
"Can't. Jongdae's the computer geek; I just break things."
"Have you tried leaving him a message?"
"I did actually try to do that. Through you!"
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Jongdae! Oh my god, why do you never answer your phone?"
"Yeol, I'm literally on the phone with you right now. And how is that possible, you might ask. Because I freaking answered it!"
"I meant in general! Jeez!"
"You particularly specified never. That doesn't seem very general to me."
"Oh my god, Dae, it's a figure of speech, alright? Anyway, if you'd have answered when I called the first twelve thousand times, you'd know that I need your help with my wifi when you get off work."
"You're so demanding, did you know?"
"I hate you."
"I guess your wifi can format itself then, huh?"
"No, no! I take it back! I take it back!"
"Thought you might. It's not like you were going to do it."
"I know, right? I talked to this guy at your call center today who asked if I'd tried doing it myself. I laughed in his face."
"I heard. He came in to complain because you kept asking for me so he assumed we know each other. You're so annoying sometimes, Yeollie."
"It takes one to know one!"
"..."
"..."
"So tonight, six sound good?"
"Huh? Six? Yeah. Yes."
"..."
"..."
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
""Yes, hello, you've reached EXO Tech Assistance, what can I do for you today?"
"Can I speak to, um." Pause. "Luhan?"
"This is he? Can I ask who's calling?"
"Wait, so you couldn't give me to Jongdae, but I happen to get your name right and you tell me who you are immediately? Your company's policy makers must be wack jobs."
"Um..."
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hello, you've reac–"
"Oh, good! It's you. Luhan, right?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but you became irate last time we discussed this and I'm not interested in repeating that experience."
"..."
"..."
"I apologize. Really. It's just that talking on the phone stresses me out. But I really am sorry. About yesterday when you weren't Jongdae. And today too, for getting mad and hanging up."
"..."
"Luhan?"
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Dude. Your work bestie hung up on me when I tried calling the center to apologize."
"Uhuh, that's nice, Yeol; I'm busy."
"But Dae!"
"Ugh, fine." Pause. "He hung up?"
"Yeah! It was so rude!"
"Right. And how many times did you do the same to him?"
"Including today?"
"My point exactly. Yeol, he's my friend. Fix it."
"Tomorrow?"
"Fine."
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hello, you've reached EXO Tech Assistance, what can I do for you today?"
"Hi, is this Luhan? Jongdae said you were his friend and that I needed to call you back and make sure you weren't mad. You're not, right?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but my name is Tao. If you'd like, though, I can put you through to Luhan?"
"Are you freaking kidding me? You can get me Luhan but Luhan couldn't get me Jongdae? What the hell?"
"Sir?"
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hi, is this Luhan-ssi?"
"Maybe? Can I ask who's calling and how you got this number?"
"Jongdae."
"Oh! I know you! You're Jongdae's friend that kept hanging up on me!"
"Yah! You hung up on me once too!"
"You're a child."
"You don't even know me. And I called for a reason, you know."
"Which would be what exactly? I can't believe Jongdae gave you my number."
"I asked for it. He's a good friend. And I called to say sorry, by the way."
"You already apologized; I'm over it."
"Great! In that case, can you tell me how to change my wifi password?"
"Chanyeol-ssi, I'm not working right now. Might I suggest you call the center?"
"What is with you two? Jongdae's all "I'm not at work, Yeol, call the center." Why? You're both available to me and yet no one's being helpful! You . Both of you."
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hello, you've reached EXO Tech Assistance, what can I do for you today?"
"Is this Tao, Luhan, or Jongdae?"
"You talked to Tao?"
"Oh, hi, Luhan!"
"Chanyeol."
"Can you tell me how to change my password now?"
"It's been two days; why hasn't Jongdae helped you yet?"
"Why haven't you?"
"Touché."
20 minutes later.
"Anyway, thanks for your help. I'm glad we could work out our issues."
"I have no issue with you, Chanyeol."
"Good to know, Luhan. I'll tell Jongdae to prompt you or something."
"He's my coworker, not my boss."
"You don't say!"
Click.
"Hello? Chanyeol? Yoboseyo?"
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Dae, I have a problem."
"Did you you check the outlet first this time?"
"No. Dae. It's not my internet; this is serious."
"Chanyeol, your complete technological incompetency is serious."
"Rude."
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Did you just hang up on me, Yeol?"
"You're annoying."
"And you want my help? Ha! Not likely."
"Yah! Kim Jongdae."
"Wow, okay. Yeol, chill. Whatever it is we can–"
"I like Luhan."
"Wait, what?"
"I. Like. Luhan."
"Chanyeol, you've never even met the guy. You don't even know what he looks like!"
"Don't care. I like him."
"Good luck with that."
"What the hell? That's it?"
"What do you want me to say, Yeol? You're my best friend, and he's your at work replacement. I say if you like the guy, go for it!"
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"Since we're on the topic though..."
"Seriously, did you check to see if it was plugged in?"
"..."
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hel–"
"Will you go out with me?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Oh, Tao! Oops. Can I get Luhan please?"
"Sir, you realize this is a technology helpline, yes?"
"What happened to the customer's always right?"
"Um, of course. I'll put you through right away."
"That's what I thought."
"Yoboseyo? This is Luhan speaking."
"Hi! Do you want to date me?"
"I–what–Chanyeol?"
"Mhmm!"
"Did Jongdae put you up to this?"
"What? No! I'm serious! Why does no one take me seriously about this?"
"I–Can I have some time to think about this? I get off in three hours. Give me until then?"
"It was the hanging up, wasn't it? I apologized for that, didn't I?"
"No, Chanye–"
"Then it's my association with Jongdae, right?" Pause. "I knew that weirdo would affect my romantic potential."
"What? No, Chanyeo–"
"I'm sorry, Luhan, but if you don't like my friends then I don't think I can like you."
"Chanyeol! Oh my god! Shut up for two seconds, would you? It's not the phone calls and it's not Jongdae, alright? Just give me a few hours to think."
"And then you'll call me back? You've got my number saved from when I called before right?"
"I do. Now I've got to get back to work."
"Bye."
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hello, you've reached EXO Tech Assistance, what can I do for you today?"
"Hello, this is Chanyeol, Jongdae's friend. Can I speak to Luhan please?"
"Chanyeol, what happened to giving me time? I get off in two hours."
"But I'm calling for a real reason though!"
"Did you try plugging it back into the wall? Jongdae tells me that where you get messed up the most."
"Um..."
Click.
"Chanyeol, I swear to god."
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yes, hello, you've reached EXO Tech Assistance, what can I do for you today?"
"Lu?"
"Yeol?"
"Oh good! We've progressed to nicknames!"
"We haven't, actually. And there's still an hour left."
"But my router's broken. And plugged in, I promise!"
"What's wrong with it exactly?"
"..."
"Chanyeol?"
"I stepped on it."
"..."
Click.
~~~
"This is Jongdae's phone, but I unfortunately can't answer at the moment. Leave a message if you'd like."
Beep.
"Jongdae! Why don't you ever answer your phone? And don't give me this crap about, Yeol, I'm talking to you right now! You're not. This is a message, okay? Anyway, guess what? I asked Luhan out today but the first time was Tao, actually, and then Luhan said to give him–"
Click.
~~~
"This is Jongdae's phone, but I unfortunately can't answer at the moment. Leave a message if you'd like."
Beep.
"Why isn't your message thing longer, dude? Like I was saying, though, Lu wanted 3 hours but then I stepped on my router—don't ask—and he said yes to dinner! I've got a date! Woohoo! Chanyeol has a date! Chanyeol has a–"
Click.
~~~
"Yoboseyo?"
"Yoboseyo?"
"Luhan, dude, what's wrong with you? I love Chanyeol but he's an awkward asparagus, okay?"
"I dunno, he's kind of cute!"
"What is with you two? He said the same thing about you!"
"He did?"
"Don't get your hopes up. In middle school he had a crush on our class's pet lizard, okay?"
"See! That's so cute!"
"Why am I friends with either one of you again?"
"You love it."
Click.
~~~
""This is Jongdae's phone, but I unfortunately can't answer at the moment. Leave a message if you'd like."
Beep.
"Luhan kisses like chocolate. And clouds that look like turtles on a summer day. And children's books. And wifi that fixes itself. By the way, I hear Tao's available; want to go on a double with me and my boyfriend? Sorry, I couldn't help myse–"
Click.
~~~
"This is Jongdae's phone, but I unfortunately can't answer at the moment. Leave a message if you'd like."
Beep.
"Chanyeol's cute in person, too."
Click.
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