Yifan's eyes flutter open, framed by dark eyebrows and darker circles that speak to the harshness of the lives they lead, the struggle to be together, the difficulty of being apart. As the world around him comes in to focus, Minseok's the first thing he sees, and Yifan finds himself wishing things could be like this, always. He's heard that some couples who've been together for a long time get tired of these moments, the ones in between sleeping and wakefulness, but he can't think of anything he'd like more than to grow old with Minseok, to get to spend every morning just like this one.

 

They get the weekends, though; usually a couple a month, but always at least one. It's not easy for either of them—for Yifan to make room in his filming schedule and for Minseok to get out of EXO obligations—but they somehow manage to make it work; to meet up on their own and make Jeju their hideaway. Yifan considers this as he brushes lovingly at the bangs across his lover's forehead. He wonders what it's like for other couples, and tries not to wallow in regret that sometimes doing what's best for yourself makes things harder for those you care about. Minseok understood, of course, that Yifan needed to leave to find his joy again, but life had definitely been easier when they'd lived side-by-side in the same dorm.

 

As Yifan's hands rhythmically lift the hair from Minseok's face, he drinks his boyfriend in; gaze traveling from the edge of the sheet where it covers Minseok's chest, up past the cavity of his sharp collarbone, sweeping along the curve of his rounded cheeks—

 

His perusal stops here, suddenly, because it's instantly clear to Yifan that Minseok is tired. He'd known, the night before, when Minseok had wanted it hard and fast against the dresser—a quick "Hello" and an "I missed you desperately"—before he nearly collapsed onto the bed, asleep before he hit the pillow. But in the morning light, his lover's exhaustion is everywhere; Minseok's dark circles rival Yifan's own, but it's also that his face is pale and his cheeks are thinner. Yifan loves his Minseok in all moments, regardless of appearance or body shape, but Yifan does not like this.

 

It was wrong, he thinks, for someone so beautiful to be so thin and haggard-looking; for Minseok's normally soft features to lose their strong contrast with Yifan's sharp ones. He loves those stark differences; loves the looks they get for them in public; loves the way they play off each other in private; loves everything about them, basically. Minseok knows Yifan's feeling about this, too, and accepts the haters and body shamers because Minseok loves himself first and Yifan second, and no one else matters in that respect. Above all else, it is this which really clues Yifan in to the exhaustion.

 

"Min, love," he whispers, loath to wake his lover up, but knowing that their time is running out and that Minseok will be angry if Yifan just lets him sleep.

 

Minseok's mumbled response if muffled because the smaller man rolls over at the sound of Yifan's voice to bury his face in his lover's chest and snuggle more deeply into his embrace.

 

"Come on, baby," Yifan urges gently, "you've got to wake up."

 

Minseok's head shake feels cute against Yifan's skin, but the sight of the Korean man's tousled hair and half-lidded eyes as he gazes adoringly at Yifan is much more powerful.

 

"Morning." His voice is rough with sleep and his lips chapped for the same reason, but neither cares when Minseok greets Yifan with a sweet and lingering kiss.

 

"You're beautiful," Yifan tells his lover solemnly, "you know that?"

 

"So are you." Minseok's response is firm, the words reminiscent of ones they've exchanged at least a thousand times before.

 

Yifan shakes his head and it's just as vehement as it always is. "Only to you. My angles are a little too harsh for that adjective."

 

If Minseok were more awake, he'd roll his eyes, but in this moment he just sighs and snuggles close again as Yifan continues.

 

"Today, though, love," his voice is tentative and lightly probing, "some might say that yours are too. Aren't you getting enough to eat?"

 

Minseok groans into his lover's neck but says nothing, knowing that Yifan understands the pressures of idol life, but can't completely comprehend why anyone would think the swell of Minseok's cheeks are too much instead of everything. "They don't see me like you do," he finally manages to express. "I mean, I'm lying in your arms right now, hair a mess, morning breath, sweaty and sticky from last night, and the first thing you tell me is that I'm beautiful."

 

Yifan nods, because there's nothing else that even comes close to describing the way he sees Minseok.

 

"But in that world, not our safe haven here, but the one I belong to without you, all they see is one too many pounds on the scale. Soft gets your love, but strikingly thin gets theirs."

 

"No, no, baby." Yifan's horrified by everything Minseok is saying, but one thing in particular stands out. "Never. You can be 300 pounds, and I'll love you. You can be the worst singer, dancer, idol in the world, and I'll love you." The look he shoots Minseok is pointed as he runs teasing fingers along his lover's and says, "You could be rail thin, and I'll still love you. Sure," he confirms with a short nod and a catch of Minseok's chin in his free hand, "I love our contrasts; your soft features for my harsh ones, your gentleness for my cold facade. But more than all of that, I love you. Regardless." He kisses Minseok as he finishes his defense, and his touch is warmly received as Minseok melds their lips together and entangles their tongues.

 

"You're too good for me," Minseok mutters into Yifan's searching mouth, "and I love you for it."

 

"I tell myself that about you every single day," Yifan agrees, in his own way. "No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I think of you and feel lucky." He turns his gaze to Minseok as he pulls far enough away for his lover to see all the stern resolve on Yifan's face. "You need to take better care of yourself, baby. I can't lose you, okay?"

 

Minseok's expression is sheepish, and he doesn't tell Yifan about the diet of an apple a day or the three hours of sleep for every 48. Yifan knows, Minseok's sure of it, but they've only got a short time left together and it isn't worth it to spur the air with the harsh realities of the lives they leave behind every time they come together. "I do my best."

 

"I know, love," Yifan sighs and pulls Minseok close again, burying his face in his lover's hair to hide the tears that he isn't sure he can keep from falling. "I know." And for them, that's enough—because it has to be.