“Alcohol must be a glorious sin,” Hyejong is laughing, studying the bottle of beer in her hand. I am laughing too, mostly because we are drunk and loud and not one of us knows what we are saying. Honggi didn’t come to the concert but after his schedule ended he has come joining us, and after eating we are now at the karaoke, singing ourselves hoarse, laughing and drinking. I am happy my manager isn’t here, because Manager Lee would never let me drink, and if he would let me drink it would still never be like this. It is not just us five friends; Honggi’s manager is also there, then someone Mat knows who I can’t remember who it was. “Who is singing next?” Hyunsuk asks, placing the list on Mat’s lap but Honggi takes it. “I’ll take charge,” Honggi says. It feels stupid thought, sitting here and having a blast when all we do are drinking, singing and laughing. We talk gibberish a lot and it is hilarious. He turns on a song and all of us start cheering. Before I know it I throw myself over a microphone, I stand up on the sofa with Hyejong and we start bouncing, singing together to a song from our drama three years ago. The whole room is loud as we are screaming and singing our own song, though in the original track it is mostly me singing since I was the band’s lead singer (it was fun playing this character with these people, we had so much fun making the drama). When the chorus comes I fall in the sofa laughing as Mat starts roaring out like crazy, jumping up and down. Hyejong jumps over to his side of the sofa, her high heels are on the floor, and when they start bouncing together I get up on my feet – not in the sofa – and I sing face to face with Honggi. It would’ve been fun if we all had joined in for the second season that aired last summer; I think it was last summer, to have all five of us go a bit crazy on the screen. We never did that, but Hyunsuk uploaded a picture on Instagram with Mat, where Hyejong and I did faces in the back as we popped in just as he took the picture, showing people we still meet. The screaming in my ear is awful. I love Honggi’s voice but he is just screaming, his arm around me and we are jumping but the screaming makes me push him away and I walk over to the sofa to take a seat, the microphone is in Hyejong’s hand. I don’t drink beer, instead we have cider and shots on the table, it is just to take a pick. Just as I take a shot in my hand, Mat leans over on the other side to pick on up too. “It is not allowed to take one on your own,” he points out at me and holds out the shot towards me. “Cheers!” He spills half of his before swallowing it while I am a bit more careful bringing my shot glass to my lips, swallowing the contents. I sit down with a sigh, tired and exhausted, I still have one more concert. I crawl over to sit in the corner, watching my friends have a blast and I am smiling at how loud they actually are. The concert was so fun, my fans asked questions when I sat down to talk with them, asking if 5 Pieces will be gone for long, wishing us well on the promotions, saying the album sounds good. They were just amazing, like always. My eyes are closed; I don’t even know it until something wet touches my lips and I blink my eyes open. “What are you doing?” I groan tiredly and stretch out my limbs to push Honggi away. He smiles, a cute smile, and slowly moves to my other side so he can sit next to me, and I lean my head up to look at him. Honggi keeps smiling, he lifts his arm up and hits my head with his elbow, making us laugh and he wraps his arm around me. “Sorry, Miss Sunshine,” he says and pats my head. “YA, SING BETTER, IDIOT!” I laugh even if he is screaming in my ear again and I shout out at Mat that he sings wonderfully. Honggi and I are laughing as he gives a show at my comment. When the song ends he comes over to sit by us, throwing his legs up on mine. “I can get you a date, lady,” he says and I start laughing more than necessary. “My sunshine doesn’t need a date,” Honggi says and wraps his other arm around me too, hugging on to me. He has been working out lately, his arms are suffocating and he puts a leg over me too, which is worse because Mat already has his legs there. I groan and whine at them both. “I got this friend,” Mat starts saying to me as if Honggi didn’t say anything, “Not an actor but he is super nice and I have known him since school. He is hot too; I can set you up with him-” “I’m not interested,” I laugh. “Honggi, you’re crushing me!” “She is not interested,” Honggi spells out for Mat, his words spoken right by my ear. Just like when I opened my eyes, his lips are wet when kissing my cheek and I squeal, starting to kick my feet to get some space to breathe. Mat and Honggi laughs and I laugh too because they are being silly and drunk. These drunken men, I can handle. A new song starts playing and I feel myself getting more comfortable in Honggi’s arms. Maybe because they are big and heavy, and he is still holding on to me as if Mat will drag me off on a date. I close my eyes again, my hands on his arm and I think of falling asleep in Jonghyun’s arms at home in the sofa. “Are you falling asleep?” Honggi asks, amusement heard in his voice. It’s not Jonghyun’s arms I am in. I sigh deeply, tired and sad, and I wonder if I should do it. I slink out of his arm, sitting up and I look at him. Honggi looks tired too, he is promoting in Korea now. I keep my eyes on his face, his tired eyes and his cute lips, and I put down my hand on the sofa next to his hip to lean towards him. It’s as if he knows what I’m thinking of because leaning in halfway; his hand is put below my cheek, and he meets me the last bit. I close my eyes tightly and I hold my breath, and when our lips touch I know I am drunk. He starts giggling when I do but I turn my body around to have my knee in the sofa, my hand on his chest as I kiss him again. It’s nice and strange, he tastes like beer but the kiss is nice, it gets longer too, not even the giggling from Hyejong interrupts us, in fact I think it makes me lean in deeper, his hand goes down to my leg and pulls it over him. He is bigger built than Jonghyun, I can point out so many things that feel different between Honggi and Jonghyun right in this moment, and the more I think of the difference the more I know I should not be doing this. I don’t know how to stop though. Do I just lean away, do I just break the kiss? It’s still nice, kissing Honggi. I giggle, my lips leave his and I bite my lip with a smile. Honggi makes a laughing sound and I open my eyes, seeing him smiling at me. He his lips and kisses me lightly again. It is not like Jonghyun, not at all. I don’t even want to bite his lip. Tiredly I get off him and I reach after another shot. For a second I regret having a boyfriend for four years, someone to always be there for me, and then I remember I don’t believe in regrets and I take the shot. Honggi sits up straight next to me, leaning towards my shoulder. He wants another kiss; I know it from the way he leans towards me, waiting for me to look at him so he can kiss me again. I know this voice in my head is telling me I am not going to have with Honggi, almost laughing in my head as the voice repeats it. I know I won’t have with him, but I don’t know how far I want to go either. Kissing in the sofa is nice, it’s not serious, and it’s drunken behaviour and doesn’t mean anything. But with Honggi… with Honggi there is a past, we have a past together, if we do more than kissing it is crossing the line, isn’t it? But at the same time, Honggi knows me. I turn my head towards him, looking at his lips first. I have always liked his lips. “I’m going outside,” I tell him, meeting his eyes. At first I think he knows what I mean, but when I open the door and turn around, he picks up his bottle to drink. I take a step outside, and he looks up at me as I hold the door. I smile and with one finger I show he can come outside, and then I close the door and start walking. The door is opened behind me and when turning around Honggi comes jogging up to me. I can’t stop smiling, feeling strange as I don’t know what I am doing, or what he is doing. I pretend it’s nothing when I enter the bathroom, but Honggi walks after me with a laugh and I find myself laughing too. In there, I turn around, not having any idea of what to do next, but I don’t have to worry; Honggi kisses me. At first I think his kissing is the same as in the sofa, I feel disappointed, but then his hands are put on my back and he presses me towards him and it feels different, better. Out of nowhere he bends his knees, and before I know it his hands are lowered and he lifts me up so suddenly that I have to grab on to his t-shirt to not fall backwards, I think I make a weird sound too. Then I laugh, holding on to his neck when he tries to kiss me again but it is hard because I am laughing. The grip he has on my legs is strong, it fills me with adrenaline and when he places me on the sink his hand goes up to hold my face, kissing me. His other hand is put on my leg, gliding his hand up a little bit and it makes me lower my head, just enough to break the kiss. “What?” Honggi asks, his hand by my face puts my hair behind my shoulder. I have my arms hanging on his shoulder, leaning towards him. “What does this mean to you?” I whisper. I touch his hair by the neck. It’s not the same. Honggi moves his cute lips, looking at me. “I know what it means to you,” he tells me, his hands glides around my waist, “We’re both drunk.” I my lips, the taste of him is still there and I sigh. “Is that alright?” I ask in a low voice. A smile is growing in his face, I am nervous or what it means. “I won’t take advantage of you, if that’s what you mean,” Honggi whispers, lightly kissing me again, “I won’t do anything you don’t want to do. It’s not like I don’t know what you’re doing; I have done the same…” “Can we go somewhere else?” I ask him. He has also tried to get over someone this way. Honggi nods, looking at me. “Let’s go.” We don’t go back to the room, we just leave. Honggi calls a taxi and while waiting for it under a ceiling, I keep looking around. Honggi glances at me, smoking. It smells horrible. “We can’t go to my place,” Honggi tells me, giving me a look. “Not mine either,” I shake my head. I have Kyungho and cameras there by now. Honggi nods, and when the taxi is coming he pulls on my hood to hide me. “You’re much easier to recognize than me,” he points out before we take our seats in the taxi. We don’t go too far though, a motel nearby just for the driver to not spend too much glancing at us. I don’t think he recognizes us and once we have gotten a room, I am giggling as I look around. A bathroom and a room with a bed, it’s not much, barely any furniture, it’s simple and fresh. I look at Honggi, biting my lip and wondering what the heck we are doing. He looks at me, removing his jacket. Is this it? “Tell me if you want to stop,” he says, stepping closer. My head is nodding, I swallow nervously and I don’t know where to look at him. He kisses me, carefully at first, I place my hands on his arms (he has been working out a lot lately, my arms are small compared to his biceps) and he puts his hands on my hips, holding on to me. I kiss him back, his breath stinks of cigarette now and it makes me grimace. I turn my head away to get rid of the smell, I don’t want to breathe in the taste of cigarette, and he kisses my neck instead, he touches my and to my surprise I like it. I like it a lot. Before I know it I search for his lips again, forgetting the smell of his breath and his cold hands goes under my shirt. I giggle at the coldness and Honggi pauses his kissing to look at me. His hands move me back and forth though with him, our bodies held together and the look in his eyes is drunk and something else. The moving back and forth is nice, it makes me relax a bit and I even smile, my head spins from the shots I have taken. “You okay?” he asks. With a giggle I smile, my hands holding on to his arms as I sway