“Here it reads ‘fine, fine, is that what you want, then fine, keep ruining my bias list Hannah, I’m sure you can’t make me love you more than this’. They love it,” Min Na says with a large smile, busy reading comments on the Korean music video teaser for [Bittersweet] that came out at midnight. “And that’s just the teaser,” Min Hae smiles at me. After being at the gym yesterday morning I spent the rest of the day in the practice room, avoiding my members and their families and not talking to anyone else than my teachers and the crew working on my solo with me. Manager Lee didn’t drive me yesterday, and when he drove me this morning he didn’t say much other than he will be working in the office all day. In one way I am happy to not have to deal with him as I said some bad things at the music video filming set and I don’t want to face him and in another way I am angry at myself for the things I said and that he is avoiding me. I don’t regret most the things I said to him; it isn’t his job to keep track on how my relationship with Jonghyun is like and as a friend he should definitely decide a better time to bring it up. Idiot. The dancers are incredible though. They raise my mood and make me excited for my album and concert, they push me and encourage me and not a single one of them ask questions about my relationship – at least not for these two days. It is D-35 for the concert, about five weeks left, and I am putting my mind and soul into the practice – maybe a little too much – but anything to not think about Jonghyun or have to be at home with all the happy families. Instead I fill myself with work, which isn’t a bad thing because I really have to focus on my solo comeback. I got a full-length album to prepare for! A whole concert to practice for, I got to do a lot of things before these five weeks have passed and just thinking of where I am right now I am really going a little bit crazy. During the break Min Na doesn’t hesitate to take a look at the music video teaser – again – to read new comments on it. “They are all having fun speculating about your tweet, Hannah,” Min Na laughs and shows me the tablet to read the comments. When the music video teaser came out I shared the link on twitter with the caption “a tease for 2015 ;)”, and fans are practically arguing over what it means – more collaborations in 2015, or a solo comeback more than [Bittersweet], 5 Pieces’ preparing for a comeback and so on – and in the middle of it all someone asks us to get some rest or we will collapse from working too much. And here I am, practicing until my legs are weak and wishing I could practice 24/7 for five weeks to prepare myself. “You think they will expect a concert?” I ask with a smile, fiddling my fingers on my nails while looking at the dance crew. Some of them chuckle when shaking their heads while others get loud talking about how surprised fans will get when finding out it isn’t just a single collaboration with Carolina but in February there will be a full-length album and a concert. I do hope the people in this room do not say these things just to be nice. And while I think that, I do know they aren’t like that; Danger Squad is filled with loud and honest people, being the perfect match to 5 Pieces. They are all great, and they make me smile without effort when Shiwon gets up on his feet saying we will do a D-35 countdown on my camera. Since I have been scolded for not filming enough for my album making, even my dancers are aware of that I need to film more. We are all watching Shiwon when he takes a chair and drags it over the floor to the mirrored-wall. “Hey, get ready to show your fighting spirit,” he calls out when getting up on the chair and starts fiddling on the camera to turn it on. “I’ll be calling out the day and you all will be cheering, alright?” Min Na pulls me up on my feet when most of us do as he says, and I am smiling happily at their spirit so far. Myung spreads out on the floor though and I put the tablet on the sofa in the back. “Hannah, Hannah, we need to see Hannah,” Shiwon is teasing and I wondering if he is already filming when I get to the front of our crew because he is smiling into the camera held up against the corner of the room while he is watching the display to see what he is filming. He looks satisfied when I’m at the front and in a deep voice he tells the camera; “NEW ME countdown d-35, straight from the practice room!” “Let’s go!” one of the dancers calls out at the same time as I was about to give a cheer so instead of cheering with the rest I am one of the few laughing but I manage to start applauding when a few dancers starts randomly moving. “You guys are so silly,” I laugh, ending up squatting down when the room goes crazy with movements and Myung is practically moving around like a worm on the floor. Yes, indeed they match well with 5 Pieces. “See, not that bad,” Shiwon smirks when giving me the camera, as if it’s not difficult to film. “One minute filmed, well done,” I compliment him with sarcasm and another dancer laughs next to me. “Give it to me and I can give you endless of video,” he says and Myung says (from where he is lying on the floor) that Shiwon would film himself and himself only. I do agree on that but Shiwon sits down over Myung, saying he would film himself and then add clips where he is beating Myung to teach him a lesson. Shiwon is eight years older than Myung though watching them together, I can’t see it. They are more like brothers. “Always so cute together,” Min Hae smiles at the boys playing around on the floor; well, men they should be based on their age since Shiwon is over thirty but boys based on their behaviour. They are cute indeed, and we keep teasing them until we have to return to practice – okay, we continue to tease them even when returning to practice. There is practice and practice, endless of practice, and I love it. In the evening when everyone else leaves I stay to go through everything by myself. I practice alone for hours, I take off my shoes and socks, get my leggings off to just wear the long t-shirt and I put my hair up in a pony-tail. In between I do take breaks, sitting down on the side to watch SNS or go through the papers of the concert set list and ideas for the concert and comeback. Tonight all my focus is on my comeback. The set list; what can be changed? What will be worn and what can be done better? What performances aren’t good enough? The things we haven’t decided on yet; what are my thoughts on that and what more is there to think of? I need to do my best. I really want to do my best on this; an album and a concert, it is the first and it will probably be the biggest thing I ever do. “Ugh.” I roll around on my back, holding up the papers I have been watching, holding them up above my head with my eyes a little bit blurry. I’m tired, but my mind has too many thoughts to calm down, meaning I want to continue go through the things decided so far and try to come up with more things for my solo. It’s my solo, after all. I need it to be my way. A knock on the door makes me lift my chin, expecting it to be Manager Lee being tired of me not asking for a ride home, or maybe Emelia coming again, but I cover my face when Jonghyun is the one coming inside. “Hi,” he greets an awkward greeting. “Hello,” I mumble under my papers. “Busy practicing, I see.” The amused tone makes me sneak a peek at him. “What?” I mumble, removing the papers when he loudly sits down on the floor to take a look at the set list. “I was going to knock earlier,” Jonghyun says his eyes on the papers but he has a small smirk on his face, “But you were rolling around, which was fun to see.” Automatically the papers in my hand hit his leg at his comment. To tell the truth I thought he was going to say I was cute when rolling around, yet when he says it was fun I can’t help but to smile. It’s awkward, it’s indeed extremely weird to have him sit a meter away from me and act like nothing is wrong, but it feels relaxing and comfortable to have him here. “So, how’s it going?” he asks after laughing, letting out a sigh, smiling at me. “Um… it’s just fine… Just … the usual…” It’s more awkward than comfortable. “And you?” “I have a lot of fun practicing,” Jonghyun answers, nodding while looking down at my papers again. “My first solo. It’s not a full-length album like yours, but a mini-album is still … something I have dreamed of.” “For a long time,” I nod at him. Jonghyun has always supported me with whatever I have done, he was so excited when I was preparing for my solo debut and he kept making fun of me for it. I remember he was even trying to rap, joking that he could be the rapper featuring in my solo debut. “A long time,” Jonghyun repeats, smiling, “Yeah, quite a long time… I was quite jealous when you made your solo debut, and I remember I got angry when Emelia got hers, and here I am, almost five years later – with my own debut.” “It’s about time then.” “But what if it will have too many expectations to it?” Jonghyun asks. “I know the tracks are good, it’s my style and I’m happy over it, but … I’m not sure if it is the style my fans expect of me to have.” We aren’t a couple anymore yet I know he needs me as a friend, so I sit up tailor, not directly facing him but I’m not nonchalant by lying down. “Jonghyun, your fans won’t be disappointed. You know why? Their expectations have gotten higher over the years, but they also know more about you. What you bring them is something they have waited a long time for too, and I know your fans will love each track you give them because it’s your music they want to hear.” “But it’s still different from SHINee,” he points out. “So?” I mutter. “5 Pieces is the same; each member is her own part that creates 5 Pieces, and all five of us have had pretty good solos. SHINee is the same, right?” “Right,” he nods. “Maybe one colour of the rainbow isn’t enough though.” I give him a half-sarcastic glare. “Maybe you want me to slap you,” I comment and he smiles, a wide smile. “That’s a kind offer,” he chuckles and I suddenly laugh. “You think?” I ask him, shaking my head while laughing. “You’re a great artist, Jonghyun, I’m honest about that, and your music is just as great. It’s about time your fans get to hear it too.” Jonghyun is smiling widely at me when I give him a glance, and I look away with a smile. He looks tired. I want to ask how he is doing these days, if he is happier not having to worry abo