The first concert in Yokohama is just as beautiful as the one in Osaka. But this time I received tons of energy before the concert when celebrity visitors came backstage, mostly to take a picture as proof we have met and that they went backstage for my concert; Japanese celebrities and directors, some directors I have worked with or met before and there are staff from the Japanese agency 5 Pieces is signed under and a lot of different people. The loudest crowd was the dancers that have worked with 5 Pieces. We “sneaked” them in and had a loud reuniting, I liked it a lot and they reminded me so much of 2013 when we worked together travelling through Japan on our Arena Tour. I think I did better at the concert with those memories reminding me of how much fun we always have in Japan. The concert… is beautiful. Just like in Osaka they are quiet for the performances and loud in between, yet for some ballads and some of my older tracks they either sing along or do a few fan-chants. For [I CRY] they really make me cry, because the song is sung in Japanese and they know every part of it so sure, it is wonderful to have my fans sing it with me. I do think they cry more than me, which I adore and I tell them. Finishing the first concert of the day, I feel exhausted already so when going backstage I have no interest in posing for pictures or meet more celebrities that want to come backstage and greet me. Or face the cameras following me from the stage to my room, the Americans wanting to know how I feel. I smile and talk to them, not really knowing what I say, just knowing that I want to lie down for a bit and melt this concert before the next one. Though I don’t get to lie down and just melt the concert, I get a bottle of water and a towel around my neck while meeting some more people and taking a lot of more pictures. “One more,” Manager Lee says just when I have come inside my room again, he walks inside after me and I know from his voice that he is amused at the sigh I give out. “One more,” I repeat with another sigh and I spin around with my bottle of water held tightly to my chest. Manager Lee steps aside to let me out of the room first. “Who is it?” Out in the corridor I have to look behind me, wondering if my manager is walking behind me or not since I don’t hear an answer, and I see he is leaning back inside the room, it looks like he is talking to someone, occupied. I roll my eyes in annoyance, but I keep walking to not leave whoever it is alone. Clearing my throat in preparations, I then step inside the room where I have been meeting first fans and then celebrities, before and after the concert. With a smile I look at who is in the room, to greet politely, but the second my eyes get stuck on him the words are stopped in my throat. Its Jonghyun standing there, from top to toe dressed in black. Am I dreaming? I look behind me, to try see a sign on the door reading ‘dreams’ or something else telling me that when I look back at him, he isn’t really there. But he is there, smiling at me. “Hi,” his sweet voice say, with his lips moves perfectly with the word, “Perfect concert you did out there, it was really good.” “You… watched the concert?” I breathe. I try to calm my racing heart from just seeing him, but hearing that he saw the concert I lean against the door to not fall. “Yeah…” Jonghyun nods, smiling at me. “I didn’t come backstage before the concert just in case … it would distract you, but …” “You came alone?” I interrupt him. He actually thought he would distract me if he showed up before the concert? Well, I’m pretty sure I would’ve been distracted but that he came after the concert just for that? It’s weird, he knows me too well. “Mm,” he nods. I nod too, staring at him. “Are you … staying?” He shakes his head. “I delayed my flight back to Korea just to see the concert; my manager is waiting for me in the car.” “Oh…” “Yes,” he nods again, “I just wanted to congratulate you on the concert. It was really good and … you did well.” I did well. That’s what he has to say. I nod at him, feeling disappointed. Did I do badly at the concert? I thought I did well, my fans were even singing along and they were emotional… “Jonghyun!” Manager Lee walks inside the room with a happily loud voice; which he never has so I give him a glare for one reason: he knew Jonghyun was here, that’s why he let me go alone. “Are you two ready for the picture?” “No,” I mumble, glancing at Jonghyun whose eyes is on me. He is trying to read me. He heard my answer so I guess he is trying to read if I am serious or not. I sigh and take a step towards Jonghyun, turning towards my manager who has the camera. Jonghyun gets closer to me, ready to pose for the camera and he takes out a black mask to cover his lower face for the camera with it. My manager waits for him to put it on before standing ready. Manager Lee lowers the camera without taking a picture though. “Seriously, can it get more awkward than this?” he scolds us. “Jonghyun, be the man and wrap your arm around her.” He hesitates, I feel it, but Jonghyun does as he is told. He puts his arm around my shoulders, lazily letting his hand hang out and though it is something he always used to do on me, it feels awkward. Now I know what my manager means. I want to get over with this, so I lift up a hand to do the v-sign and I smile an honest smile (I think) and I am ready when Manager Lee takes the picture. The other hand with the bottle of water, I hide behind my back. “Thank you,” Manager Lee says once he has gotten the picture and without showing it to us he leaves, without another word, and I am not sure if I am supposed to stay or go with him, but I end up sipping some water to not start coughing. “How’s your cold?” Jonghyun asks, putting down the mask so it is hanging in one ear. He grimaces when seeing I don’t like the question. “I heard fans commenting at the concert that you are singing surprisingly well for having caught a cold.” I had coughed once or twice during the concert, not in the middle of a song or anything, just on the side. I sigh at his comment and just nod, shrugging my shoulder a bit and once the lid is back on I look at him. “Thank you for coming,” I tell him, and whether I want it or not I say it awkwardly. Jonghyun suddenly smiles, such a gorgeous smile. “I said I’ll come,” he tells me. I don’t remember he ever said he’d come, and my face must give me away because that smile stays in his face. He leans against the table. “I have said I would love to see your concert, haven’t I? And I couldn’t go to the one you had in Seoul, so I got the chance to come here instead. Anyway…” He pushes himself away from the table, and I know he is going to leave now. “I loved your concert, it was … very Hannah,” he says and steps up in front of me. He is quiet for a second, looking at me looking at him, and then he raises his eyebrows and opens his arms. “A hug?” It’s casual, the way he asks for a hug, yet when his arms are wrapped around me and my arms goes around his waist, I think of how warm and fitting it is. But there is something missing in the seconds we hug; the closeness. Always when being with Jonghyun, I feel a specific way, yet now, seeing him in a leather jacket and black clothes, the way he smiles at me- that’s it. It’s his smile. It’s not the same smile he gives me; it is a casual smile, a smile he can give anyone. We aren’t as close as we used to be, and the distance is far even when we’re hugging. I hate the feeling, I want to crawl into a corner and cry thinking that we are changing. But I don’t do that. We say goodbye, I am awkward and he is giving me that casual smile, and then I head back to my room to prepare for the next concert. Makeup and hair being checked, I change clothes and I am quietly having a discussion in my head about the meeting with Jonghyun. He is distracting me from the concert. He distracts me from even seeing when my members come. Emelia comes, dancing coolly her way inside my room, receiving sudden cheers and congratulations from my staff but it is when Carolina steps inside saying something in a loud voice that I react and by then Emelia has already wrapped her arms around me. “Guess whose day it is today?” she asks me with a breath that lets me know she has been drinking. I laugh though, shouting out that it is her day, because today it is Emelia’s day – March 6. “Happy birthday, Emelia!” “Yeah, yeah, I already got your text,” she plays with my hair while saying it. “Are you drunk?” I ask, chuckling as my stylist seems to have the same question running through her head. “You got no idea,” she whispers and sits down next to me. “I have been on a roll all day. Ryo and a bunch of friends have been with me since lunch, we have gone on an amusement park and we have been drinking and I got to play dart – which I on completely but I made everyone else drink so they got just as bad as me – and now I am here, to sleep on your sofa, eat your snacks and … watch your concert.” Carolina is only here to see my concert though, not drunk like Emelia and neither has she spent her day in Tokyo enjoying life the way our rapper has done. At least Emelia is satisfied with her birthday being spent in Tokyo with friends. Maria and Julia are in Seoul, enjoying some quietness while I get these two. ++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++ Turned out that was really the reason Emelia came. She slept on the sofa throughout most of the concert and she ate anything she could. I loved the second concert and as soon as it is done we head out to celebrate. Me and my crew head out to eat and celebrate the completion of the Japan part of my tour; three concerts in Japan completed. Carolina is with us while Emelia has gone out for the next round of her birthday celebration, which we join in on as an after party, to celebrate Emelia’s birthday, friendship as our Japanese friends are with us, and my solo concert reaching and completing well in Japan. {Instagram, DangerSquad_EunDae: Crazy life in Japan, the after party has become a birthday party #happybirthdayEM} Female dancer Eun Dae uploaded a few pictures on her Instagram, most blurry ones from dancing or when giving a toast, but also a group picture of a lot of us together in one picture. Emelia does well by hiding under one of the dancer’s caps because she is wasted at that time, ending up sleeping in a corner. I have fun tonight. I dance and drink a little, I don’t care about embarrassing things and we are laughing and it feels like my cold will get back on me in the morning but for tonight, I am celebrating the success of my solo concert and the birthday of my oldest childhood friend. On the way back to the hotel I see the article; fans were seen falling apart after my concert. With the ride back to the hotel early in the morning, I feel awake but sleepy somehow, and I really struggle to read the article; ‘Pictures and videos taken outside the arena where Hannah just finished her NEW ME concert in Yokohama has been spreading like crazy and even made it to Japan’s late news where they said fans were seen falling to the ground from tears and emotions after the concert! Hannah impressed with her live singing, her great voice, stage presence, body and choreography, she showed an artistic side for the concert and though fans said when being interviewed before the concert that they had prepared themselves for it we can clearly see they were not fully prepared for the presence and quality 5 Pieces’ youngest would bring’ The words aren’t much to think of as it can easy be an exaggeration, but there are pictures and videos confirming what words can not describe. It looks like my fans had been bombed after the concert, right outside the venue there are friends hugging on to each other, someone falls on her knees crying, there are so many people that seem overwhelmed that when heading to the hotel I am just staring and crying at it. This is from me? I don’t think I did anything out of the ordinary on the latest concert compared to the others, which is why I can’t understand it, but seeing the news of it I can’t help but to cry. I remember being told before the concert that my song has come first on Music Bank though, receiving its tenth win on a music program in Korea (yes, I can’t believe my song has won ten times), so I made sure to thank even my fans in Japan for it as I mentioned it at the concert. But to cry like that when coming out of the venue? I wish I had been there, instead of being backstage hugging my staff for the great and fun concert we just had finished. My hangover is nonexistent once I head to a photo shoot in the morning on Saturday. I have gotten some sleep and I have been drinking water, I didn’t drink much alcohol the night before so it shouldn’t exist either, but the rest of my body… Partying after a concert is not good if you got work the next day. My throat is aching and itching, making it difficult to just speak, my body is sore and I really just want to stand still the whole day while the photographer at the photo shoot is telling me how to move, and at the same time, I am told Emelia and Carolina are sleeping at the hotel waiting to go back to Seoul once my shoot is complete. After the shoot we go back to Seoul, for me to continue my work and for us ladies to plan a surprise for Emelia. We are filming Good Sister today; I got Music Core and a fan-signing in the evening, so my day is focused on that: and to not speak because each tim