Jen said she could stay at the house during her stay, that she wouldn’t even be noticed. But already on the first morning she comes downstairs while I am getting ready to leave, asking how my day will look like and then ask if she can come along – even if I say I will be in the practice-room all day. She couldn’t sleep, so she wants to come along and see how my day is like. She is curious, she keeps talking in the van about how fun it will be to see how my life is like, commenting that I have a real life over here in Korea with a house, friends and a language she doesn’t understand at all. She was amused at Maria’s lecture last night too, but I hope she has learned something from it. Manager Lee is also talking in the van, in Korean to me to go through some things. Each time he has said something, Jen asks me what he said. It continues when we arrive at the agency. She repeats the Korean greeting, a simple ‘hello’, and I hear her repeat it like a foreigner while we head towards the practice-room. I wonder if my Korean was that bad too in the beginning. Her voice gets louder whenever we meet someone. I am wearing a lace-trim lettering print t-shirt, loose and not showing any figure on me, and a pair of leggings, bracelets and a simple purple beanie that I take off when coming inside the practice-room. “OH!” several dancers comment right away and all eyes are on one person – Jen. She feels their eyes on her and I smile at her. “Everyone, this is my sister, Jen,” I introduce them while moving my hands and then I say in Swedish for her; “These are my dancers and my teachers.” She repeats her greeting two times for everyone and I can feel her nervousness as I show her where she can sit. “Hannah, I wish for us to go through the whole thing at once,” Teacher Ji Hwa tells me and I am nodding at her while focusing on my sister, even giving her a bottle of water in case she gets thirsty and I know that once I turn around, my focus will be on the practice. Min Na is smiling at me when we start stretching. “What?” I ask her, smiling back. “She looks exactly like you,” Min Na answers with a sweet smile and I laugh. “She looks tough,” Sukjin says, raising an eyebrow towards my sister who I can see gets a bit embarrassed as their focus is still on her. “She is tough,” Shiwon answers before I can, showing his biceps for Sukjin. “She is related to Hannah here, she is a tough lion.” I think these boys will be teasing me during my solo promotions for my fan club’s name, since they mentioned it yesterday and now too he says ‘lion’. We warm up our bodies and I warm up my voice too before a microphone is put in my hand. “When will I use the new mike?” I ask Teacher Ji Hwa when taking my position to begin practice. “It hasn’t arrived yet, has it?” she asks and gives a glance at Manager Lee who says it hasn’t. “We hope it will arrive for concert rehearsals on Saturday. Are you ready now?” “[Oh] first,” I nod. The music is loud for the opening introduction song. It isn’t any live singing for that, it is more of an electronic introduction that on the concert will use a lot of effects while all I do is making my appearance on the stage and letting the dancers do their tricks. The song comes to an end and I am smiling as we start practicing for [Butterfly], a song all my fans knows and I can’t help but to try see my sister in our mirror-reflections. There are a lot of movements but I still try to see her in the back. I can’t see her that well, but she is looking. Out of nowhere Teacher Ji Hwa turns off the music, making everyone dancing stop in confusion. “Didn’t we say [NEW ME] before [Butterfly]?” she asks and she looks at another teacher, Shim Jae Young. “We did?” he looks confused and looks down at his papers. “Remember how we changed it back again?” I ask. Teacher Jae Young starts nodding and shows his papers. “She’s right, we went back to have [Butterfly] first as Hannah found it better to have a song her fans recognize.” Yes, that sounds like something I have said. The interruption is short and we start over with [Butterfly]. At that time I give a glance at my sister, seeing her smile at me. I wonder if she finds it silly to have a bunch of people dancing and singing to a song in a room like this, I wonder if she will be impressed if she comes along to the concert and sees this version up on the stage. But she has been at my concert before, 5 Pieces’ concert in Sweden back in 2013. Well, that concert can not be compared to my solo – 5 Pieces’ concert is like five time better at all times. But I hope she will be impressed, because my solo concert will still be thousand times more than what she knows of. An hour passes, my eyes are on our mirror-reflection, my focus is on the practice and the music is loud as I sing the lyrics to my songs. Countless of times do I forget that my sister is in the room. The room gets warmer and the air changes as we continue to move around, I sing for both dance tracks and ballads, and it is for the ballads that I get embarrassed since it is just me singing and everyone else are watching. I’d rather skip the ballads to practice them on my own later, but I can’t say no to practice when we are going through the set list from beginning to end – that’s just silly – so I allow myself to smile and swing my body back and forth while singing when seeing the dancers move their hands in the air to the music. I am a bit sweaty when sitting down next to my sister during a break. I sit down on the floor to stretch my legs, nervous if my sister will give a comment and awkward with the room filled with Korean language that she doesn’t understand. “It’s like a workout routine,” Jen says with a smile at me. “I had no idea it was that intense.” “That’s not intense,” I smile back at her, “The dance routines we do with the ladies are intense.” “You don’t think what you just did is intense?” Jen laughs, and to my surprise I am actually laughing with her. “I remember a time when you only took walks to go buy Coca Cola at the store.” I am laughing, and I am aware of Min Na and some others watching us while drinking their water and stretching. “Is that what you remember of me?” I ask Jen. “I remember a lot of things,” she smiles, “You joined the soccer team for only two weeks because the training was too boring.” “I just went there to watch,” I laugh at the memory of those years I would take the bike to watch my sister’s soccer practice, their trainer asked countless of times if I wanted to join and I was there for about two weeks before quitting. I enjoyed the one match I did, but the practice was tough. She laughs with me and I find myself looking at my sister. We were never close, not as best friends, even if we grew up sharing the same room, we went to the same class and we hung around the same people up until third year in school, but we still walked home together and played together at home. Yet I think we fought more than we played. We were always together as children, which is why I think we never could get closer than having to live together. When I went back to Korea during high school, we rode the bus together at times, and I think most things we have ever done is more because we are twins rather than we are friends, because she is the opposite of me; she is social, likes to party, she rather hang out with friends than read a book or watch a movie. We are so different, yet the way she laughs right now I am smiling because she reminds me of myself. I have never felt that here in Korea before. “You look the same,” Min Na laughs next to me. I smile at her and then look at Jen. “Jen, this is Min Na, a friend of mine,” I introduce them and Min Na happily holds out her hand. “Nice to meet you,” Min Na says in English and I giggle at how cute it sounds. “Nice to meet you too,” Jen says in just as bad English and I feel the smile in my face growing more stupid. “What about me?” Shiwon squats down behind my, whispering for me. “Does she have a boyfriend?” “Ya!” I turn around to hit him on the arm and Shiwon falls down on his . In bad English he asks Jen; “You have boyfriend?” My sister doesn’t understand though and I am laughing as Myung grabs Shiwon’s collar, apologies for us and drags him along to another corner of the room. My sister looks so confused while I am smiling. “Have you met Jonghyun?” Min Na asks Jen, in Korean, so I roll my eyes. “She hasn’t,” I answer and shake my hand at Min Na – these people doesn’t know we have broken up. “Don’t bring it up, okay?” “Why not?” Min Na frowns. I give her a look and in a low voice I tell her we can talk about it later, which makes her worried and confused but she doesn’t ask anything. There are words being said in Korean and English and they all expect me to translate, so I get very happy when the break is over so we can focus on practicing again. Jen is there the whole day and we go out to eat for dinner. She is curious, asking about the people around me, and during dinner she asks about Manager Lee who is eating with us and I am smiling while talking about him when he is sitting right there hearing us but not understanding. It’s not much to say other than about his work and that he goes on my nerves. She has a lot of questions, asking what we usually eat and if it is always Korean food – but she isn’t complaining at all – and she asks if it isn’t tiring to spend whole days practicing like today and if this is what I am doing all the time and so on. I just want to show her next week, how I will show everything I have been practicing. I don’t think she will be here to see that though. After dinner I go back to the practice-room. Jen is sitting with a tablet in the corner – yes, she is still in the practice-room even if I have given her the option of going back to the house many times – and she is looking through videos and reading comments online. I think she is trying to learn as much as possible about me, and I wonder if it is to get her thoughts on something else than what is going on at home. After two hours more she goes home though, and I continue practicing for some more hours. Everyone in the room comments on my sister when she has left, saying how alike we look and that we laugh the same, surprised they haven’t met her before because we seem to be very close. We’re not close, not now even after catching up. I admit it has been easy to talk to her today, but it still feels weird, and it feels like I just want her here to show how incredible my life is, to show her wrong for all these years. Before going home I have Min Na asking me about Jonghyun, and the two of us quietly talk in the corner: I can’t keep it from her, they all will find out eventually. The more people that know the more official it will be, and I am reminded that I have to tell Kyung Ho too. On my way home I am looking online, because my hands keeps wanting to do something on the phone and while I know I want to text Jonghyun and ask how he is doing or about his day, I am controlling myself while doing other things – like focusing on my comeback. The highlight medley for my album came out after midnight, just recently, something I too had tweeted about and something I have kept an eye on. The medley contains all the songs from the album, a short piece of each song giving a taste for what the album contains. The comments go up and down, most saying that each song sounds to have a different sound to it that you can’t really place the album as your typical pop album and that they can’t wait to hear the full versions as the medley sounds good, while others are saying 5 Pieces should stick as 5 Pieces and that it is SM Entertainment forcing their artists into solo activities. I get nervous seeing comments about the song [NEW ME], seeing the comments writing that it is not a sound they expected and wondering just how y it will be, if I will be forced to do something extremely y. On top of it all, the mixed reactions for the medley, with the pre-song [BLAME] out, I keep receiving caps from fans of how the song is doing on the online charts, showing that the song has debuted high and is staying during the first day among TOP3 on every single online chart in Korea. {Twitter, 5P_HANNAH: You keep sending me updates on my song, can I be more grateful? I am looking forward to meet you all soon!} And I am answered with tweets telling me to go to bed, asking why I am up this late, saying they look forward to see my comeback stages and wishes me all the best on the concert as well as my solo promotions. The tweets are thoughtful and they make me smile. {Twitter, 5P_HANNAH: I will dream of you, Puzzle. Good night ^^,} I come home and go pretty much straight to bed because everyone else are asleep. This is the strangest part. To lie down in bed and not text anyone, not have Jonghyun telling me to dream of him. I don’t dr