[CONTENTID1]MELTING MARSHMALLOWS AND MORNING GLOWS[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]A SELECTION OF CHOCOLATE BOYS[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Suzy was somewhat relieved when Changmin left; afraid that he would gormandise their entire stock of food from the kitchen. She rummaged through her notes, fingers scratching the paper that was riddled with incomprehensible words. The thought of the upcoming Christmas exams was morbid. The more she mused about them the more imminent failure became.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she realised someone staring at her from the window. Her heart skipped a beat as she recognised Krystal’s poignant face. The girl sent her a faint smile but Suzy hurriedly looked away.

The stuff that had happened between them was not something she could bandage with a few words.

Before Suzy could even fall into another abyss of worry, a familiar figure loomed into view as he made his way in the restaurant. She held her breath upon recognising Jaejoong. He was her blissful dream but at the same time, her worst nightmare.

Staring at him was a little like gazing into the sun, he was blinding. She was always captivated by his thick lustrous hair that called for caressing, but it was his eyes and smile that cast an unbreakable spell upon her. His eyes were deep and maybe even catastrophic; brown as a great body of chocolate that melted into a milky way of nonchalance.

“Suzy,” he acknowledged with a lambent smile glimmering over his face as he propped himself into a seat next to her. “How’ve you been?”

“Jaejoong oppa…” Suzy stuttered, at a loss for words. Perhaps his face should have been imprinted in the Louvre museum in Mona Lisa’s place because, really, this world had never seen a work of art more perfect than his face.

Heat coursed through her body and she pleaded for the universe to stop time or take to her to another far off galaxy but she was chasing a dream as insubstantial as a wisp of smoke. She wondered how he managed to act casual with every encounter while her nerves screamed in agony at the sheer sight of his lips.

His eyebrows furrowed in apprehension and it made her wonder if he penetrated her thoughts at that moment.

“Is everything ok? Listen, about Nana-”

“No, please,” she interjected, shaking her head. “Let’s not talk about that.”

The same genial smile reappeared on his face as his eyes darted from Suzy and then to the notes that were clutched in her grasp.

"I remember those days," he laughed. "I used to drink more cups of coffee than you'd count on your fingers. By the time it was past two in the morning, I'd be darting around the room like some bird trying to escape from its cage."

Jaejoong slapped his knee at the mere cogitation and the mellifluous sound of his laughter echoed in Suzy's ears.

She tried to make herself smile, but she felt more aloof than anything else. Perhaps it was Krystal's lingering presence and the fact that her sister's ex-boyfriend was jubilant as ever, or maybe it was just Suzy's inner turmoil that rendered her speechless.

"Yeah, ok," Suzy murmured, albeit bitterly. "Oppa, are you planning to order something or just sit around?"

The handsome diva paused and scrutinised her face. His genial laugh had turned into a nervous chuckle before he cleared his throat.

"Sorry," he chortled quietly. "I've never felt so free in a long time."

Suzy glanced at him but found her eyes lifting to Krystal now and then. Her friend refused to inch closer and remained obscured at the entrance. She was eavesdropping cautiously with her hawk-like eyes that ravaged prey with a single glance. An amalgamation of emotions seized her pretty features, one of which was no doubt disdain.

Suzy jittered from restlessness, attempting to conceal her worry with a placid demeanour.

"Did something happen?" She knew what had happened all too well, but found the nonsensical words slipping out none the less. Perhaps, deep down, a part of her wanted to block out Krystal who was imperceptible at the back and hear Jaejoong's enthralling voice.

"Yes," he nodded, a bit too enthusiastically causing her to quirk an eyebrow. "I broke up. Officially this time." The delight in his voice was hard to miss and it seemed as if his eyes shone with ethereal radiance.

She could have embraced him there, showered him with kisses and congratulated him for the freedom that he deserved, but Suzy refrained from throwing her arms around him. She couldn't help but feel Krystal's ferocity leaking through atoms that bounced in the air and latching onto herself like a second layer of skin.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she mumbled very quietly causing her first crush to lean closer. The proximity made her heart jump and she feared it would explode in her chest if he closed the gap between them.

Instead, Jaejoong ruffled her hair until it looked charged. The friendly gesture reminded her of the old, golden days; when days were spent building sandcastles and devouring ice cream with Nana.

"It was my own decision," he clarified, sinking back into his chair. "And now, it feels like some boulder's been lifted from my shoulders."

"Do you want me to test you on that stuff?" Jaejoong opted instead, pointing a lithe finger at her pile of paper.

Suzy raised her eyebrow as she neatly placed her notes into a pink folder that was decorated with Hello Kitty stickers.   

"What are you talking about?" she asked, incredulous by his curiosity.

"You know," he delineated. "You'll learn better if we do it orally."

"What? A-again?" Suzy clasped a hand over . Images of their kiss flashed through her memory like some bad dream. Did she really just say that?

"Hm? I don't think I understand." He rubbed a palm along the back of his neck.

Jaejoong pondered on his words before his eyes widened like two, large saucers and a rattled gasp escaped his delicate lips.

"No, no, Suzy." Jaejoong explained with a lazy smile. "I didn't mean it like that- I'd never kiss you again." His smile never faltered, but she glimpsed his forehead fold into faint creases, regretting what he said almost instantly.

Suzy wondered how he managed to hide his embarrassment so well, if that was how he felt at all, but she could almost feel Krystal's suspicions seeping through her skin as her friend stood there, absorbing them with her inquisition.

"You misunderstood me! What I meant to say was that I'd never drunk kiss you again. It was very silly, wasn't it?" he rambled, enlightening the grim atmosphere with his sparkling charisma. Even that was insufficient because Suzy felt as if she was dilapidating down some steep hill with rocks being thrown at her face.

She wanted to take those words and slip them back into his mouth, but instead, she just stood there, tensed and rooted to the ground with all energy sizzling out of her pores.

Krystal lingered in her periphery, eyes holding enigmatic emotions. Then, she was pushed aside by a second person who must have been surreptitiously hiding behind the hawk. When her eyes fell upon Nana, Suzy held her breath. An involuntary reaction, but it constricted her airways as if some great beast had its claws wrapped around .

Fear bubbled in her chest and she might as well have been set on fire because a tremendous heat scorched every inch of her skin.

Jaejoong adroitly read her look of trepidation and as if on cue, he turned to see his ex-girlfriend's sister and of course, Nana. The latter resembled a wild bull that had escaped from captivity. Nothing but pure rage blanketed her face and her fists were curled into tight balls.

Suzy didn't have a chance to even think about why Nana was here at Kimchi because tears were starting to burn the back of her eyes. She prepared to run passed them, maybe even through them if the universe was kind but Jaejoong gripped her wrist just as she started for the door.

The touch sent a shock through her body, and all her insides burned as if foreign fingers ignited them. She wrenched free of his grasp and fled the imbroglio with heaving breaths.

The last thing she heard was Jaejoong calling out her name but Suzy's steps didn't deteriorate even for a second. She kept running, faster than ever, as if she had been breathing adrenaline instead of air. She sprinted until his voice drowned in her ears and the nearby park engulfed her surroundings.

-

Suzy plonked onto a bench and hid her hands into her face. She cried, more harshly than she ever did. Her face burned with humiliation and all the weight of the world came crashing down on her. She suddenly wished she could vanish from existence. She could be anything, the wind that carried secrets, the star that sparkled, the rain that brought mercy to parched soil but she didn’t want to be Suzy.

She wanted to be someone else. How she hated herself for her mistakes in the past. If only there was a way to trace the footsteps of time. She was trapped in a cocoon of guilt. Someone ended up behind her branch. She knew his aura but she knew he would do nothing to comfort her.

Suzy preferred it this way. Just having him there alleviated the pain inside her heart. Taekwoon didn’t utter a word as he handed her a black handkerchief. She gifted him a wobbly smile before blowing her nose into the cloth vehemently.

“I can’t believe I ever did that, Taekwoon,” she sobbed, hugging herself and shivering from the cold in the air, and the ice in her stomach. “I should have never kissed him. I feel so bad when I see him. I’m scared...scared that he can’t see me as Suzy anymore.”

She blinked at him; vision hazy and blurred. “What if he sees me as someone else? Not Suzy, the shy girl who can’t utter a word without stumbling over her own feet, but Suzy...a woman who once kissed him.”

Fire burned inside her heart and she let out another shaky sob. The sorrow wracked her ribs as she collapsed into herself.

“Are you okay?”

It didn’t sound like Taekwoon. It was a girl’s voice. Suzy instantly looked up and recognised Yoona, the PhD student that worked with her tutor.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hands as she regarded her. Yoona was garbed in a thick jacket and gym trousers. A woolly hat protected her ears from the chilly wind. She removed one earplug from her ears, hands enclosed in white gloves with deers running around it.

Her eyebrows strained. “You’re Suzy, right?”

Suzy sniffed. Her voice was too hoarse to reply. Yoona took a peek at Taekwoon before taking a seat next to Suzy. She removed her earplugs completely, reached into her pocket to take a glance at her ipod and turned back to her.

“So…” the young woman started, “Is everything okay?”

Suzy felt as if there was glue lodged inside . was parched. Her shoulders shook. Yoona’s hand found hers and held it in a staunch manner. Suzy gazed at her face again, for the first time, realising how pretty she was. Her cheeks were flushed pink against her milky skin tone. The wintry glow highlighted her auburn hair.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me everything,” Yoona said. It was strange to see the woman with the perpetual ice in her soul respond to her so kindly.

In any case, Suzy found her presence somnolent and soothing, like a lullaby that urged one to fall asleep.

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