I chewed my lip lightly. It was in the middle of the night and I’m watching my twelfth romantic movie. I paused the movie and exhaled loudly. Researching about what it’s like to be in love is seriously frustrating. I mean, is kissing that necessary? Or maybe looking at them with googly eyes necessary? I sighed in defeat. Maybe I could be considered a grandma for being like this…

“Yah” I turned my head and saw a giant with her brows knitted together, “Why are you still up?”

I pressed my lips together and shrugged, “Don’t I have the right anymore Sooyoung?”

She shook her head and sat beside me, “Why the hell are you watching romantic movies nowadays? Are you into someone or something?”

“Well…” Sooyoung then gasped and I just looked at her puzzlingly, “What?!”

“Baby, are you in love!?” Sooyoung put her hand over , “WHAT!? NO! I’M NOT IN LOVE!”

She then chuckled, “What is it then? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“I’m just… Researching…” Sooyoung clicked her tongue, “Researching huh? Well for an old lady like you, I don’t think you’re going to fall in love… Ever”

I looked at her with wide eyes, “What did you say!?”

“Well, let’s face it. For a smart person like you, you lack of fun. You have a high standard that nobody could achieve and to add up with that you lack the sense of fashion. The only time somebody got attracted to you was when the basket girl event was held.”

I sighed in resignation, “I could feel that you’ve also tried bookstores, am I right Tae?”

I nodded slowly, “I knew it! And then you tried the internet?”

And I could only nod again. That got me speechless. I seriously tried everything! Even watching disgusting s which had completely taken away my purity. That was the worst decision I had in years! And I just wish the floor would open and gobble me up in no time.

Sooyoung let out a sigh, “You’re hopeless in these kinds of things Taeyeon. I too, don’t know how to help you with your dilemma. But don’t worry, I’m praying for your future love life so you don’t have to worry that much…”

I chuckled, “Wow… That’s pretty helpful…” Sooyoung patted my back gently and smiled

“Tae, the only thing I could say to you is that… If you look at them and then you feel the butterflies in your stomach or some sort and its good? They’re the one for you…”

I bit my lip, “And if I don’t feel those kinds of things?”

“Then you’re not human!” I looked at her irritatingly and she just shrugged, “What? How can you experience it yourself if you just can’t appreciate the little things? You’re too materialistic or some … Your suitor won’t even know what you want or how would he impress you if you continue being like that you know…”

And that shot me right through the heart… Bones even! Ugh… Am I that complicated? Should I have just been a turtle? Oh my god… I don’t even know how to think of myself anymore…

Sooyoung sighed heavily and rested her hand on my shoulder, “Tae… Sometimes, you just have to ignore a few things and look at them really, really, really deeply to realize that you could also be happy in the arms of someone like them… It’s not about the money, the brains or whatever it is that you’re looking for, it’s how you feel whenever you’re around them. Emotions matter a lot in a relationship… And this? All this researches you’ve been conducting would not even help you when you’re already out there doing the real thing… You’re too afraid, that’s what I can say about you…”

I exhaled loudly and pulled Sooyoung in a hug, “I don’t know Soo… This is all new to me…”

She chuckled lightly, “I know how that feels… First time is always the best”

I pulled away, “Really? What about---“ And before I could say the name Sooyoung put a hand over my mouth and smiled at me awkwardly

“Not a word Kim Taeyeon. Not a word…” She retreated her hand and I just laughed at her loudly, “You know, her name could sometimes be my advantage you know”

She scoffed at me, “Shut up…” I smiled at her, “Thanks for the not so hurtful advice Soo…”

Sooyoung giggled, “I’m proud though… You’re actually making a progress in your dying love life”

I chuckled. Progress huh? Am I really making a progress? Or this is just a phase…

***

“Okay, so, so far, Ms. Hwang and Ms. Kim had only made progress on this group work. I’ve given you enough days and I hope the others would just work harder a little, yeah?”

“Yes sir…” The class could only reply lazily since it’s almost dismissal and Tiffany who’s only sitting beside just kept her bright attitude as always. How does she do that?!

The professor nodded and left the room. Everybody cheered and I could just shake my head slightly

“Well, that’s a good news Taeyeon-sshi! We got complimented” Tiffany smiled and I could just smile back at her. Recently I’ve been smiling too frequently nowadays that it