[CONTENTID1]DON'T LEAVE ME[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]A/N: What do you guys think of my new poster? :D I love ittttt so much but hey if you think you can make a better one, PLEASE DO COZ I LOVE POSTERS! <3

p.s. Listen to this song as you read the chapter, it really sets the mood :)

Penelope's POV

"What's the matter with you today? You're really quiet," Victoria remarked, eyeing me carefully. I shrugged my shoulders and continued eating my tofu omelet. I didn't usually stay in my pyjamas for more than an hour after waking up but today, I just wasn't feeling it. I was sad, angry and disgusted. The last two were aimed at myself. "Hey, are you feeling okay?" She pressed a hand against my forehead and frowned. "Your temperature's fine."

"Just hungover," I lied, finishing my omelet and pushing the plate away. "I'm gonna take a swim." I got up from my seat and walked out of the kitchen. I went to my bedroom and changed out of my sleepwear and into a pink bikini. I wrapped a matching pareo around my hips and grabbed my phone, sunscreen and earphones, making my way back downstairs. 

"Want me to join you?" Victoria asked as I walked to the back doors. 

"No, thank you. I think I just need some time alone," I answered, opening them and entering the garden. I grabbed a towel from the storage box and covered one of the loungers with it. I thought about sunbathing then decided I'd rather swim first. I applied sunscreen to my skin then took off my pareo, dipping my toe in the water. It was cold but not icy, more refreshing. It was summer time in Dallas and the heat was ridiculous. I bent my knees then gracefully dove into the pool. Water enveloped me and I closed my eyes, enjoying its cool wetness as it my skin. I resurfaced the water and and took a deep breath, slicking my hair back with both hands. 

I leaned back and raised my legs, keeping myself afloat as I stared up at the cloudless blue sky, avoiding looking directly at the sun. My skin warmed under the rays, my body's melanin production flowering. I breathed slowly, my chest rising and falling at a steady pace. I thought about last night. I remembered how gentle and sweet Kai had been yet how wrong the had felt. I hated myself. He wasn't the bad guy, I was the bad one because I'd pretended to be okay with the . He couldn't have known how I really felt without me telling him yet for some reason I still resented him a little. It was nowhere near how much I hated myself, though. If this was what it felt like to grow up, to have adult relationships then I didn't ever want to grow up. I didn't want to be 18 anymore, I wished I was still 17. I wished I wasn't such a disgusting person. It made me feel like my mother and there was nothing I wanted less. 

I didn't like the person I was turning into. Holding my breath, I lowered myself into the water and let it swallow me in. I felt myself sink lower and lower until my back hit the bottom of the pool. I wished I could stay like this forever, floating, surrounded by nothing but my own thoughts where there was no one I could hurt. That's exactly what I was doing; I was hurting Kai by having feelings for Sehun and I was hurting Sehun by being with Kai. I couldn't do anything right. I wished I could open my mouth and let in the water but I couldn't. Humans were hardwired for self-preservation, I'd resurface before I drowned. I felt my chest constrict at the lack of oxygen in my lungs but I didn't go up, not yet. When I felt like my lungs were about to explode, I let myself float back to the top and gulped in air. I slicked my hair back again, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I panted. 

"Forty six seconds, Jesus Christ," Victoria whistled and I looked up at her, shielding my eyes from the sun with one hand. She was in a red swimsuit, her rounded stomach clearly showering. Her dark hair draped over her chest, covering her s. She was utterly beautiful. "Is it cold?" I shook my head. She sat down on the side of the pool then slipped into the water, paddling over to me. 

"I wanted to be alone," I told her and she shrugged, grinning happily. "What are you so happy about?" She took my hand and placed it against her stomach underwater. I furrowed my brows in confusion but then it happened. I felt a sharp pressure against my palm and gasped, looking down then back up at her. "He kicked me!" 

"Technically, he kicked me," she giggled. We both started squealing at the same time.

"Okay, shh, shh! I want to see if he does it again," I whispered and we both calmed down, looking down at her stomach. I swiped my hand over it then kept it in one place, waiting patiently for more movement from the baby. Little Elijah kicked me again and it was all I could do not to faint from zeal. "He did it again!" 

"Isn't it precious?" Victoria asked, biting her lip as she smiled with her entire face. I nodded excitedly and hugged her, feeling good for the first time since the previous night. We swam to the shallow end of the pool and sat on the steps. "So, are you gonna tell me what's wrong or are you gonna keep pretending you're just hungover?" I bit my lip and looked away. My sister took my hand and squeezed my fingers. "Peppa, you know you can tell me anything, right? I'm here for you. Always."

"I don't know what's wrong with me," I said, still looking down at my hand in hers. "I'm not good for Kai."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true. He deserves better than me. I'm a horrible person and a cheater," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I have feelings for Sehun and I kissed him, Vicki. I kissed my boyfriend's best friend." 

"Oh, Penny," she sighed, putting an arm around me and hugging me close. "What are you getting yourself into, babe? So you kissed Sehun. Does Kai know?" I shook my head. "You need to tell him, it's not fair to him if you keep it to yourself. You need to take responsibility for your actions." 

"What if he hates me for it?" I squeaked.

"Maybe he will, maybe he won't. You still have to tell him," she murmured. "You messed up but that doesn't make you a bad person, Pen. It makes you human. People make mistakes and it's up to you to fix this one. How you do it depends on you. What do you want?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly confused.

"What do you want? Do you want to be with Kai or do you want to be with Sehun? You can't have both, babe, life doesn't work that way. It's one or the other." My head hurt and so did my heart. I didn't know what I wanted or more accurately, who. I loved Kai, he was the firs