24 December 2013

Do you know how to change habit? It’s like you order the sun to rise in the west and set in the east. Hard.

Yesterday I had quarrel with my best friend Sulli.

She was blamed me not to open myself to her. Everything I write in this blog is the real me, my real thought. She was surprised, I didn’t told her about this before or she was disappointed because she think I was a different person, faked, and has two faces.

Habit. I used to keep everything inside, hard to express myself correctly, tried to understand people first. I never had anybody to share a secret even to my Mom or my sister, yeah..I don’t want to blame everyone to not pay attention to me and choose to write everything in diary.

Because I’m comfortable with it, I don’t have to worry what people think about me or try to oppose my judgment, and I’m freely to talk everything. Yeah..I don’t want to use that reason to acknowledge my fault.

This is me.

I am sorry for this.

Everything you said was true.

It’s me who pushed you away.

It’s me who let you go.

It’s me who build the distance for us.

I hope you read this Sulli. I am sorry, because my habit, my selfishness. I never thought you will hurt with this. I am glad you told me about your feeling and I understand why you wanted me to do it too.

Let’s we be a friend again, I am sorry chingu ya~

Sulli…I miss you

***

At boutique in Gangnam

“Naeunah…what do you think about this dress?”, her Mom pointed a dress for her.

“Are this not too exaggerate, Mom?”, she touched the red mid-length halter A-line dress, it will reveal slightly her upper . “I don’t like it, too provocative”.

“Why? It’s nice, you can catch one of guy on there”.

“Are you tried to arrange me with those bored Doctor?”.

“If you want, I can arrange the meeting”.

“No, I don’t want”.

“Better you found one with yourself before Dad set you up with someone in his mind”.

“With who?”.

“Not yet”.

“phiuhh”, she sigh.

“Why? Do you have someone in your heart?”.

“Ani”, she shook her head. “I like this”, she touched black Hepburn dress.

“Black again? Your closet is already full of black dress”.

“If not this dress, I don’t want to go to the party”. Actually she doesn’t want to go, she will meet her on there. And it will awkward, her friendship with Jinri is still cold.

“Ahrasso, we will pick this dress”.

“Saeun, are you really don’t want attend to the party?”, Naeun asked her.

“I have a promise with my friends to celebrate our last Christmas as high school student together”.

“Don’t come back late and don’t drink”.

“Ahrasso Mom”.

***

She picks a Dereon pumps with black leather and y lace match with her black Hepburn dress. She wears cabochon stones Amrita three tier earring. She let her hair fall with slightly waves.

She entered the Hall followed her parent from behind. Every year since her father is the director of Dandook hospital, she will attend this kind of party. Inside her heart, she hate this party, she really wants to hide her status as his daughter, doesn’t want to get too much attention and she feel burden, afraid to make a mistake and embarrassed her father.

She takes a glass of Champaign and stand in corner, she thought, “I hope I am invisible”. 

“ehem…”, a guy approached her with his black tuxedo.

She turns her head to the source of voice, “ah…Myungsoo ssi”. He is her classmate and his father is one of professor in Dandook hospital. So no doubt he will attend to this party.

“Why you are alone? Where is Jinri?”.

“Jinri? Mm..I think she is not coming yet”.

“Mm..”, he scanned Naeun from head and toe, “You are beau…”, but before he completes his sentence another guy approached her.

“Naeun ssi! Long time no see”,

“Ah…de..”, she can’t remember him.

“Are you still remembering me? I am Jaehyo, I was your sunbae in high school”. Jaehyo had crushed with her since high school but she was ignored him. He already finished his study in America and comeback to South Korea. He takes Orthodontic specialist for next year. Her father is a Cardiovascular and Thoracic specialist in here.

“Oh..De..”, she pretend she remember him, but she doesn’t.

“Ya, Myungsoo ah, why you are here?”, Sunggyu approached them. “Oh..Naeun ssi annyong!”. Sunggyu is the one who are not a Doctor here, he is a child from Accountant Manager in this hospital.

She bow, “Annyonghaseyo”. In her mind, where is Jinri? She needs her to shoo those guys who surrounded her.

“Naeun sii, you are really beautiful tonight”, Sunggyu said and Myungsoo glared to him, he was the one who want to say that words to her.

“Ah..De..kamsahamnida”.

She started gulp hard, Jinriah…I need your help.

“ehem..Excuse me boy, let me lend this lady”, Jinri pulled Naeun’s hand and dragged her from there.

“I can’t imagine if I am not here”, Jinri dragged her to the right corner and still hold Naeun arm.

“Thank you….and Sorry”, Naeun bent down her head.

Jinri smiles, “truly, I didn’t want to attend in this party because I hated to saw you, but…after I read your love letter to me, I changed my mind, thank you”, she hugged her.

“I am sorry”,

“No need to say sorry, better you turn your head, your ice prince is coming”

“What? Where? Why he is here?”

“Do you really not know anything about him? Why you fall in love with him?

“sstt…”, she placed her index finger in Jinri lips. “This is secret”.

“Ahrasso, but why?”.

With blushing face she said, “I don’t know why. One day, I was missed him so much. One day I’ve dream meet him somewhere. And one day I realize I am fall in love with him”. she said as her eyes monitored him from a far.

“Aigoo…you are mad in love, hmm okay, you don’t know him right? Who is his father? And his relation with your father?”.

“He knows my father?”.

“but You must pay me with that information”.     

“Okay, whatever you want, tell me”, she was really curious.

“ehemm..”, she cleared , “His father is a Doctor but he rarely practice in hospital and had interaction with patient, he spend his time in laboratory, he is professor in science. But when he was doing a research in one of laboratory in Incheon, suddenly his father had gone somewhere and never be find until now”.

“Really? Is he already death?”.

“His corpse was not found anywhere”.

“pity him..What was his age that time?”

“mmm…fifteen years old. His life was becomes contrary opposite from before. He must took a role as householder for replaced his father, her mother was housewife and his sister was six years old”  

Naeun remember when she saw him at the first time. No wonder he has those cold eyes.

“And what is his relation with my father”.

“His father, my father and yours are friend from they were in university, together with your Mom too”.

“Ah..Really? But I never saw him before? Are they closed? Or just knew each other?”.

“They were closed but after his father worked in laboratory, your father never saw or contact him until he heard her friend was missed somewhere”. Jinri paused a second and took a sip of Champaign.

“it will be a long story if  tell you everything”.

“okay, I’ve a question, are my Dad know him is his friend’s child?”

“mmm…I don’t sure about this because the one who offered him a scholarship for his specialist is Minho oppa”.

“Are Minho oppa know about this?”.

“Aniyo..I never told this to anyone beside you, when I asked Minho oppa about Taemin’s father, he didn’t talk much, he said his father was gone somewhere, that’s it. maybe your ice prince never told him the detailed and I didn’t want revealed it, because I think he didn’t want to tell him too, after all that's his problem”.

“It makes sense…”, Naeun nodded, “but, why he was invited in this party?”.

Jinri shook her head, “I don’t know. Why we don’t asked him directly?”.

“Noooo!”.

“Why?”.

“It’s embarrassing”.

“I am on your side and it will not awkward”.

“Aniyo…”, but Jinri already dragged her approached him who had conversation with somebody.

“Excuse me…Annyonghaseyo Taemin ssi, do you remember me?”, Jinri stood upfront while Naeun stayed behind her.

“You are… Minho hyung girlfriend right?”

“Yes, you are right. And she is…”, she pulled Naeun arm so she stood beside her, “Naeun, Son Naeun”.

“De, I know her”, he glanced her a second.

Naeun just bent her head down, every emotion is mix into one. Fortunately, Jinri is beside her.

“Mm…why you are here? Who is invited you?”

“Why? Am I not allowed to be here?”.

“Aniyo…just..Curious”, Jinri said while Naeun stared him with curious face too.

He smirks and smiles. In Naeun mind, “I already die now because his smile”.

“I've got invitation from director of hospital”.

“heh…but why?”. Jinri and Naeun gave him a surprised look.

please comment about this chapter^^

i gave you warning from the start...the story will little bit complex...hehe

happy reading!