[Year 19 of Exile]

“G-Grandpa?”

“Oh my gosh, she’s awake!” A flurry of scuffling noises travelled to my ears and when I wanted to prop myself up on my elbows, numerous pairs of hands shot out towards me, aiding me in my movement. “Thank god.”

“Grandpa…? What’s going on? Why is everyone crowding around me?” My eyes darted from face to face, taking in the worried expressions on the boys’ faces, as well as the tearful ones on my grandparents’. “Aren’t I supposed to be at school?”

There was a pregnant pause before a dry sob rang out. Sehun was immediately ushered out of my room, his best friend pushing at his waist.

“Why is Sehun crying?” I directed my question at the nearest Luhan, whose eyes seemed to be red. “Why does everyone look like they’ve cried too?”

“J-Jen…”

“Answer me,” My tone was sharp, and I regretted it instantly when Luhan flinched, “please.”

“You-”

“It’s not anything you have to worry about, Jen.” Xiumin interrupted, a small smile on his cherubic face. “You don’t have to concern yourself.”

“But-”

“Now get some sleep,” Xiumin gestured to Yixing and his hands started to glow blue. My vision soon filled with the same shade and I felt my head gradually getting heavier and duller. “When you wake up, everything will be fine.”

“Everything, will be alright.”

Everything, is not alright.

“Someone restrain her!”

“S-Sir! W-We can’t! Why d-don’t you use your-”

“Silence! I will not be spoken to like that by the likes of someone as lowly as you!”

The conversation dragged on, snippets of it occasionally drifting into my ears, letting me hear and understand what the men were talking about.

I wasn’t conscious for some time. I knew something had happened within me. Something had snapped the moment Kyungsoo died. And that something had pushed my sanity and consciousness out of my head, out of my body, out of my heart. But somehow, I returned.

Feels like deja-vu. This feels like it’s happened before.

Not once. Maybe twice…?

“-eed her to die. She must die!” The familiar yet greasy voice snapped me out of my daze, calling me back to reality. A reality that I couldn’t quite comprehend.

My eyes looked upwards, surprised to see the dark sky, the stars, and the moon looking down at me. Where did the roof go? I then dropped my gaze, whirling around wildly to survey my surroundings. Lifeless bodies littered the floor, and under the silver moonlight, I could clearly see the crimson puddles beneath the men.

Hands clapped to my mouth, my eyes shutting and opening only to still see the same view, the same gruesome sight that refused to fade away. This can’t be happening. I can’t be the one that did this. There’s no wa–

“She’s a monster.”

The word caught my attention, and my head snapped up to face him. A sneer was on his face, his eyes unblinking but I saw fear flickering briefly before vanishing. He’s afraid. He’s afraid of me?

But… why?

“S-Sir, I suggest that we retrea–”

“I will not! I’ve come this far and I will succeed!” He roared, fingers clicking and two shadows shuffled forward. Their stature, their hunching backs, their haggard faces. I’ll never forget them for as long as I live.

“G-Grandpa… Gramma!” I rushed forward but the sight of a hand holding onto a gun, the barrel pointing at the elderly man’s temple, stopped my feet. “Gramma…?”

A shrill laugh echoed in the space as James’ face as he stepped forward, a hand on my gramma’s shoulder. I stared at her, and fear filled me.

She’s controlled.

!

“Anyone but her!” I screamed, hands gripping tightly onto the hem of my shirt. A shirt that was dry but now it felt wet and the stench of copper enveloped me. “Don’t make her do it!”

Grandpa’s eyes reflected fear as he stared at me. He was shaking vehemently, tears streaming down his face as the barrel continued to prod his temple. Gramma’s eyes were blank, her expression indifferent. I knew then. No matter how I want to plead, how long I would plead, how much I would beg for her to return to us, it won’t happen. She’s gone.

Just like the rest of them.

“The one you’ve always wanted is me.”

James’ eyes flitted to me, amusement appearing in them.

“So let them go,” I stepped forward, nevermind that I felt something soft beneath the soles of my shoes. I didn’t want to know what I had stepped on. I never want to know. “Take me. Let them go.”

I bravely trudged onward until I was a couple of metres away from the three of them. Along the way, my feet met with uncountable squishes and sleekness that I never want to know what they were. I might not be shaking on the outside, but on the inside, hurricanes, tornadoes, a storm was happening. Gales blew at the structure of my heart, threatening to break apart the organ that was keeping me alive. If they succeed, I would be lost. My sanity, my soul, my life.

Everything.

“Kill me.”

[Grandpa]

I felt the barrel of the gun leave my temple. My wife then pointed it at her granddaughter, straight at her head. Jen wasn’t shaking, she wasn’t crying, she hadn’t even flinched.

She’s grown up. She’s no longer that little girl.

“Grandpa, I want to know what happened.” She sidled up to me, large eyes gazing up at me. “Please tell me.”

I sighed, burying my head further into the newspaper. Her hands pushed the papers away, a frown forming on her face. “Grandpa.”

“They will scold me,” I chided as I folded the papers and got up from the couch. “Xiumin, Luhan, and Kris will scold me if I told you. So, spare your grandpa, alright?”

She blew a loud raspberry behind me as I walked to the kitchen, a small smile on my face as I visualised her throwing a