[Year 19 of Exile]

[Jongdae]

On a website dedicated to an American author, Mark Twain, I read this quote that struck a chord with me.

“A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

When I read it, I laughed.

If you are living your life to the fullest every single day, you wouldn’t want to die at all. You would want to continue living, living each day like it was your last. You wouldn’t want to die. You wouldn’t be prepared to die; instead you would be prepared to live life the next day.

And the cycle continues.

I was eighteen when I chanced about the quote and naive ol’ Jongdae mocked it. He read it, had a good laugh at the quote’s absurdity, and closed the tab. Perhaps the old-Jongdae didn’t think it through or thought about it deeply like the now-Jongdae would have.

I’d never realise that if you truly had enjoyed every single day of life, having lived each day like it was truly the last of your life, and having absolutely no regrets whatsoever, you would die a happy man. You would embrace Death like an old friend and together cross the bridge to other side or walk into the light (I watched far too many episodes of ‘The Ghost Whisperer’ and Jennifer Love-Hewitt is so gorgeous. Don’t tell Baekhyun I said that.).

However, one would never know when Death would come for you. That guy isn’t just going to knock on your door and give you your date of death. Dying is unpredictable.

Thus I never envisioned that I, Kim Jongdae, the smartest of the twelve boys and perhaps the girl as well, would die way before the age of twenty-five.

Yep, you read that right.

Kim Jongdae is dead.

If you asked if I had lived my life to the fullest and would embrace Death like the guy was my friend, I would scream in your face.

No.

This boy most definitely hadn’t lived his life. I haven’t graduated from college, I haven’t snagged a girlfriend (I do have a target though, hehe), and of course the horrifying truth — I’m still a .

Well that doesn’t mean that I won’t lose it anytime soon. But enough about this crap.

I have regrets. Alot of ‘em. An extremely long list that includes pranking, getting good grades, earning money for my folks, getting married, and at the very top: confessing to my crush of many years.

Sighs. Courage was never my strong suit.

But I wanted to protect her.

And protect her I did.

“Rustle, rustle. Where are you~?”

Holding onto my towel, I left the clearing, that the five of us had settled down for the night, after having heard a sound from behind me. Taking one last look at the four boys that were still sleeping soundly back in the area, I sighed and continued on.