[Year 19 of Exile]

"Jen?"

My eyes fluttered open, and the darkness of the tentage greeted me.

"Are you asleep?" His voice called out softly, as though afraid of waking the rest of the tentage's occupants.

"No. I couldn't fall asleep." I pulled my towel-blanket up to my neck. "You?"

"Me neither."

The conversation lapsed as the snores of five other boys filled the silence between us. I could feel the sleep demon tugging at my consciousness but I resisted, for I didn't want to sleep. Not yet, not while he's awake.

My mind suddenly decided to be reminiscent as familiar yet distant scenes of our childhood surfaced and a small smile crept onto my face as the familiarity warmed me. I removed the towel-blanket from my torso, letting it pool at my waist.

Those days, those times, those moments when I'm with him, and only him, sent my heart into overdrive. The laughter, the smiles, the stares and gazes we shared between each other flashed through my mind and before I could stop myself, a soft giggle escaped my lips, ringing out clearly in the prolonged silence. I clapped my hands over my mouth to stop myself from giggling, thinking that the boy might have drifted back to sleep during the quietness.

"Something hilarious that you'd like to share?"

Genuinely shocked, I inhaled sharply and he snickered. "I wasn't asleep, if that's what you're thinking." A slight rustle came from my right but I couldn't really make out what was there because our only source of light, the campfire, had been put out at Suho's request, citing the reason of attracting unwanted and unnecessary attention to our base camp. Why we haven't thought about it for the days we've had it going through the nights frightened me, as well as the older boys; the younger ones, not so much. Who knows if we've already attracted the attention we didn't want.

The entire clearing was thrown into utter darkness the moment the fire user doused his flame. By then, I had jumped into my camp bed with Kyungsoo, Kris, Luhan, Yixing, and Zitao strolling to their respective ones. I wouldn't be able to sleep in the darkness without anyone in the tentage with me. The darkness simply frightened me. And it was a far cry from my childhood days where I revelled in the inky blackness of spaces.

Those days when I had him.

"Nah. I was just... thinking."

"What are you thinking of?"

Of us.

"Of Sui." I spouted the second thing that came to my mind, after having deemed the very first thought to be unsuitable for our conversation. "And her being a spirit animal."

"Ah. I see."

Silence engulfed us as I fought hard against the demon who was taking advantage of the quietude, sleepiness overwhelming my consciousness. Just when I was about to succumb, the boy spoke up and as though his voice was my alarm, I snapped awake immediately. "Jen." He cleared his throat and he sounded as though he hadn't drank water in days. The low, deep, and husky voice tugged at my heart strings and I could feel heat rushing to my cheeks. Thank god for the dark; but only at times like these.

I turned to my right, lying on my side as I blinked my eyes rapidly to accustom them to the darkness. But it was far too inky, I couldn't even see my fingers as I held them in front of my face. Slight fear washed over me as I shut my eyes and opened them to realise that there wasn’t any difference at all. Gulping, I let my hand fall forward, dangling it over the edge of my bed. I bunched my fingers together, for I realised that my finger tips trembled at their lack of touching something. I was about to retract my hand when something rough grazed the back of my fingers and the next moment, warmth enveloped my hand.

“You’ve changed.”

He whispered, as he singlehandedly pried my fingers apart before slipping his own between them. Grasping my hand gently, his thumb lightly caressed my own and my anxiety ebbed away at his touch.

“You weren’t afraid of the dark when you were young.”

He knows.

“Things change.” I replied matter-of-factly as I fixated my eyes in front of me, yet I saw absolutely nothing. It would have scared me, but the fact that he has my hand in his kept me sane and brave. “We can’t live in the past, can we?”

He chuckled, but it felt forced. “No, we can’t.”

A yawn escaped my lips subconsciously and I mentally slapped myself. So much for not feeling sleepy.

“You’re exhausted, Jen. Better get some sleep.” He gripped my hand tight before letting go and instantly, the warmth vanished and the chill returned.

Pulling my towel-blanket back up to my neck, I hid my hands