AU.
 

Enjoy~

 

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There was a buzz coming from the door bell, which made Yongguk look up from the pot of ramen he had kept to boil. He leaves it on the flames to the door, to open it to Himchan – covered in bruises again, his shirt ripped, a purple right check and bleeding knuckles stuffed into his white trousers drowning the pocket entrance in blood.

He got into a fight again.

Yongguk just eyes Himchan, feeling dejected. He’s disappointed and it cannot get more obvious in Himchans eyes. He just lets out a low groan and walks in, pushing Yongguk aside with his shoulders – clashing a little too harshly for a man who preferred peace.

“Himchan.”

 

Himchan bites his lip, bites his tongue and freezes.

There it was again.

 

Yongguks low, disapproving call of his name. Himchan hates it when Yongguk treats him like this. Hates it when he considers Himchan as someone who will never learn the right ways. He hates it when Yongguk is disappointed in him without knowing what he was going through. He hates the fact that this man was placed in his house to keep an eye over him. It’s stupid bull. Himchan and Yongguk were only five years apart.

He only scowls and holds his feet in one place without walking to his room and slamming the door on everyone else’s face – which is what he wanted to do. He hated having to treated like he was three years old, he hated having to be ruled around.

 

Most of all; He hated that Yongguk was his step brother.

 

“Sit.” Yongguk instructs, and Himchan plops down on the couch by his feet in a groan, feeling a rather harsh pang of pain on his shoulder blade. That hit me with a bat, . He curses, only mentally because in front of Yongguk – for some reason his freedom vanishes into thin air. He can’t curse.

 

Yongguk takes out the first aid box on the side of the couch – because it was one of the most used items in the household thanks to Himchan – and opens it to leave it so and come back to Himchans injuries.

 

He doesn’t say one more word, only silently rolling up Himchans ripped sleeves, revealing all the scratches and finger nail marks and other bleeding bruises on his arms. Yongguk s Himchans school uniform, making him wince.

“What did they hit your shoulder with?” he asks.

“A pole.” Himchan grumbles.

Yongguk sighs.

 

His slender fingers then apply antiseptic on cotton and rubs on Himchans cut, not a single hiss escaping his lips. He was rather used to the cool-hurting feeling of surgical sprit.

 

Himchan wanders into Yongguks focused eyes, his cautions fingers, but mostly his lips – dragging down in the corners, adding up to the furrowed brows that are more obvious than words meant to cut through Himchans heart. He isn’t happy; Himchan doesn’t have to be Sherlock to know that.

 

In fact; Yongguk hates it.

 

One day, a very long time ago; Yongguk scolded Himchan for breaking the left hand of a high school brat came to their small apartment. Himchan had everyday regretted his words back.

“Shut up. I’m not here to listen to your whining. I can so whatever I want with myself for all you have to care. Stay out of things I do.”

Which is exactly what Yongguk is doing.

 

Staying out of things Himchan did.

 

Staying out of everything Himchan did.

 

Even the good ones.

 

Like this one.

 

Himchan bent over a kid bullied by a street-gang which gave him the hit on the shoulder.

 

But he’s oh-so-sure Yongguk doesn’t even want to know what happened.

 

Himchan might never in his life say it, say that Yongguk is all he has in the world – even if he thinks so looking at the older treating his wounds – feeling stupid.
Why was he even trying to try?

There’s no turn from Yongguk.
Things between them had been gone before they were even born.
Different blood pumped in their hearts.

A sign to say they are not to be.

To say Himchan will never be in the soft side of Yongguk.

 

There are times Himchan tags along Yongguk to the park when he goes out to exercise, Saturday mornings when Himchan wakes up before Yongguk.

 

When Himchan observes from distance how Yongguk stops by to pat few toddlers on their heads, ruffle fur of few of the neighbor dogs, get into good conversations with the ladies living in the block – living a life different Himchan is allowed to be fond of.

The life in which Yongguk can look happy, his lips curving the opposite they usually are, showing off his gum is he is extremely happy.

If Himchan was five years old, he would give up his candy bar to be in a hug with that Yongguk who is warm, not as cold as he is when Himchan is around.

 

From the distance he learns how much Yongguk hates him. How hardened Yongguks heart is at him.

Maybe it’s fair that way.
Since their farther left Yongguks mother to Himchans, right after two months – she hung herself. Though Himchan had been suffering his entire life without a proper father by his side, he understands how Yongguk must have felt when overdosed sleeping pills killed their farther. Himchans mother left for another man; and there they are from two different worlds put together.

Never catching up.
Hating each other for existing.

What Yongguk is going through to put up with him in the small apartment room.
How Yongguk endures everything about Himchan.
Not that he is happy to. Himchan reminds himself. Yongguk must be counting days to leave me alone.

 

“Are you staying home tomorrow?” Yongguk asks finally – after about fifteen minutes spent attending Himchans’ wounds – closing the first aid kit, and placing it by the couch leg.

“Why?” Himchan asks, twisting his shoulders to send the pain away.

“I’m leaving.” Yongguk says, smelling the burnt noodles on the cooker. “Whatever. Cook me dinner when you get back home.” Himchan says carelessly and stands up in a yawn.

 

Yongguk chuckles in a rude manner.

 

“If you stay without food for that long you’d die.”

 

Himchan narrows his brows. He understands though.

 

“You’re …”

“America. Flights due tomorrow night.” Yongguk says sourly, standing up and walking to his burnt noodles, thanks to Himchan. Ugh, again.

Yongguk plops the half burnt food to a bowl and eats it despite its ugly taste. He doesn’t seem to pay attention to Himchans heaving chest.

Just like he expected.
Yongguk to leave him like this.

 

Himchan stands up stiffly, hands on the floor and then on the couch. “You packed your stuff and ?” He asks as emotionlessly as possible, Yongguk isn’t facing his eyes anyway.

“Yeah. Got em all. Maybe you can sell my stuff. Do whatever you want with it.”

 

Himchan doesn’t reply to that statement. It was a statement.

“The rent, Yongguk?” Himchan asks in a dry throat.

“I’ll send you money.”

 

Perfect. I can live with money in my life. Not a bit of love, not a bit of companionship.

 

Yongguk stares at the paper Himchan puts in front of him. “Signature.” Himchan asks, getting seated next to Yongguk on the dining table.

Yongguk narrows brows at Himchan. “What for?”

“I’m going to quit school.”

 

Yongguk scoffs. “No. Please don’t disturb me, I’ll be writing entrance examination the day after I have to study.”

 

“You do that. Keep your earn. I’m not smart anyway, school will be a waste of money. I’ll earn a living, just sign.” Himchan doesn’t back down.

 

“It’s important. Study.”

 

“YONGGUK!” Himchan bangs his fist on the table. “You should leave my life ing properly. I want to drop out!” He yells, making Yongguk sigh.

Himchan doesn’t have much patience to be tested. He hated everything as easy as that; and it was hard to deal with his suborn personality. Yongguk wasn’t playing fair either, not that there were rules.

“No. Let me study now, Himchan.” Yongguk repeats calmly.

Himchan throws his fists on a dinner table chair, sending it flying. “ you Yongguk. This is my life!”

Yongguk nods carefully. “Stop moving around you’re hurt.”

 

Himchans anger gets out of hand that he bites his lip pursuing him to not to scream his lungs out in frustration and anger. How can Yongguk just do this to him?

“You don’t give a about ing wounds I have, Yonnguk!” Himchan yells, his fingers holding himself back from hitting Yongguk straight in the face. “All you care is for yourself!”

Yongguks eyes widen at the late sentence, blinking when he realized Himchans eyes were tinted with tears.

“Why would you say that?” he asks in a calm tone making Himchan groan, sighing angrily.

“Just please, Yongguk. All I want is my own life. It’s not fair you get a brilliant life ahead of you and you wouldn’t leave me to my least choices… you’re unbelievable.” Himchan sighs, hands slowly crossing themselves by his chest.

Yongguk didn’t seem to have thought through when he raised his voice. “What brilliant life, Himchan?”

Himchan scoffs, but Yongguk continues. “Can’t you see why I’m doing this?”  

 

Himchan bites his lips again. Because I’m an annoying ; he thinking, closing his eyes thinking how Yongguk in the end will leave him after an argument after all.

“You have to be here. I want you to learn.”

 

“Shut the hell up, Yongguk. You don’t care and we both know that.” Himchan sighs, giving in to defeat. “Just let me drop out.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

Yongguks words are ringing with determination that Himchan hates how confident he sounds. He doesn’t even want Yongguks permission to get himself a job. Why was he even being nice bothering to ask. “My scoll is enough for me to manage abroad. I’ve already arranged your school fees to be paid termly in the bank.”

“Who asked you to! Don’t bother for like that!” Himchan yells again, mad at how Yongguk had already made arrangements.

“It’s not , Himchan.” Yongguk is clam again, leaning back to his chair.

 

That’s when he says something.

Something very…. unexpected.

 

“When I come back, a job is already guaranteed. Then you can go to university here.”

 

 

Himchan for a minute, stops breathing.

Did Yongguk say come back?

 

Himchans voice runs away from him.
 

To send Himchan to university….

 

He fists his fingers again, biting his lip.

 

There were lot of things he hated about Bang Yongguk.
He hated how kind he was.

“Please let me study now.” Yongguk adds.

 

Himchan obliges like a puppy who was scolded right into his heart, and steps away dragging his feet. His head hurts from a sudden realization, the weight of it too much to hold suddenly.

All this time Himchan had been being a brat, Yongguk was working hard – for his sake. While Himchan hated him for being there… Yongguk thought ahead for him. Himchans heart clenches inside his chest when he realizes It wasn’t hatred in Yongguks eyes when he saw Himchan coming home drowned in bruises. It was disappointment. The hot-water bath makes all his cuts sting, and he refuses to think more when he falls on his bed. He’s tired, exhausted both mentally and physically. He can’t press himself to sleep.

 

That Yongguk is leaving tonight.

It’s almost as if it haunts him.

 

It haunts him with ideas that tell him that he was finally able to see light in their funny relationship and it all has to end. That if he had more time, for things to be better. If he would try to be good.

But Yongguk is leaving tonight.

 

Himchan listens carefully – the footsteps from the dining table when the time was ten. He listens to the shuffling in Yongguks room, thick – heavy zippers of luggage ripping open and close making his heart drown every second. Later, the door of his room closes. Footsteps along a travelling bag dragged behind him.

 

Himchan stiffens under his blankets. Not even a good bye.

 

Why was Yongguks affection so hard to understand?

 

Why didn’t he let his own emotions out?

 

Himchan scoffed lightly, thinking he was pretty much the same.

 

Yongguk turns the knob of the front door, sighing as he steps out. He closes the door, locking it with his share of keys. He hopes Himchan would be okay, turning on his heel to leave.

A loud thud makes him look around.

Himchan slam opening the door.

“Yongguk!” He yells, starting Yongguk. Himchan shouldn’t be screaming in the middle of the night. He hushes him slightly – looking into Himchans determined eyes for a while.

“Yeah?” he asks lightly from the teenager holding his ground without his lips moving for a syllable.

 

Times passes Yongguk in minutes, making him sigh. “I’ll leave now.” He says, turning on his heel. Sees like Himchan doesn’t have anything to say to him after all.

 

“Yongguk please…!”

 

It makes Yongguk turn his head.

 

“….Don’t leave me here.”