Redirecting, and shifting the oneshot.

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Dedication:

To
Jellochan
for her to be
fluffly and sweet
just like jello.
Wishing all her sweet dreams come true
 

Jung Daehyun and I, Yoo Youngjae, had been friends ever since the two of us started as freshman in middle school. Now, both of us are hopefully awaiting graduation this July. Daehyuns’ mostly depending on me for his exams results, and quite honestly, I don’t mind that. It’s just usual for the two of us to sit down next to each other and chat about, mostly about random things, like hokey – he mentioned he didn’t like the stick; for that it looked like a dislocated ankle – and things like that. Most of it didn’t make sense on his side.

Again, as much as reasons I had with myself to hate the man – as we were personality wisely wide apart – was as much as reasons I had to brand him my best friend. Miraculously we’ve been together in all the classes in school, each year, and he would be the popular singer, while I would be the lonely nerd.

It’s fine, really. It didn’t so bad to be a nerd. Maybe it was because I hung around Jung Daehyun, the thick lipped, heart-warming, lady-charming singer and final-goal scoring soccer player, but it never occurred to me. My life was fine. I always liked to keep things to myself and believe it when someone said that secrets remain secrets unless shared. Not like I had a dark past to hide, anyway – except for when I had dated Heechul-hyung, but Daehyun knew about it; and he didn’t seem to care much. Other than the fact that it was a sensitive topic, having lot of come-outs, including my parents – I didn’t even know why I was so cautious about keeping everything under the blanket.

My parents eventually had to accept I don’t swing the normal way, and taking that out of Jongup, Zelo and Dae, my closest friend already knew about it, I can’t see why I’m so worried about it. Perhaps I worry too much, but that’s in my nature.

Daehyun is honestly a nice person. An , but still in a good way. He’s dumb too – not to mention. His worst subjects were English literature and Math, and those were my absolute favorites. I didn’t mind at all when he whined to me overnight saying he can’t do this on his own; and never did I once when I sat next to him in a flat face and before I helped him about with his lousy brain skills.

He’d humbly accept all my insults, nod his head like a pet, and listen to me honestly. Miraculously he actually learns as well. A part of me is proud as well when he scores good marks. He would absolutely run to me with his results sheet and wave it about saying thank you, and I’d gladly smile back in return.

There wasn’t really much he could help me about with; and every time he tried, it somehow didn’t work out. Once he insisted he pays me back for a study session and said he’s surprise me. When he actually made me sit down next to him in a stuffy seat with soccer fans all around me screaming their hearts out for the game, he took a while to realize I’m not specifically moved nor impressed by his surprise gift.

Our personalities had always been wide apart, but unlike my caring nature, there was something in him I quite never understood. He genuinely cared for almost everyone. I find it hard to believe, but he did. He always meant it when he apologized for the silliest mistakes, and when I realize he means it, I sigh and forgive him. They were never unforgivable mistakes anyway. Then he wanted to treat me to dinner, at least.

All this time, Daehyun was an extremely normal person. The only reason he wasn’t flat out boring was that he had a pretty face women liked and he was popular, the school magazine always fawning over him. He however, never dated anybody.

It surprised me, quite honestly, but unlike him, I wasn’t used to prying. I never asked why not, because it was his choice. I knew he would be upset if I call his concern prying, but what I see, I admit.

Much rather, I would admit I’m a straightforward, blunt, truth-speaking loner. The reason people didn’t hand around me was mostly because I refuse to butter up people; as Daehyun said. He thinks a bit of sugar in life doesn’t hurt, and I agree. It’s just that I didn’t put effort to it.

We were so unlike.

I guess he somehow liked me that I too kept up with him. I don’t understand why exactly or how we became friends, but I’d say the concept was that he was annoying I was not, you’re stupid and I’m not, so let’s help each other out. It worked out well, too.

That’s when Zelo came about with the weirdest .
“Daehyun hyung likes you hyung, oh god it’s painful to watch, do something!”; and then we had little Jongup nodding his head in the corner. Daehyun had gone out for a soccer camp, and he texted me he broke his leg there, and was in hospital after bandaging it. For some reason he had felt better talking to Zelo and Jongup other than me in his situation, and he possibly said too much and these two are now playing cupid.

It pissed me off.

Honestly, I wonder why but it did. It pissed me off a lot. Half, I was creeped out. The other, I was just scared. How can Daehyun like me? We’ve been friends for eight years? Why do I get to hear this through Zelo and Jongup?! That must have been the summation of everything I said after I called him. Basically I was just scolding him, for no apparent reason. I snapped, because Jung Daehyun is a coward. Somewhere around the edges I must have been mad as well. He wasn’t in a condition to be treated like that at all.

A three week camp ended in one, and as fast as that, Daehyun was in his crutches, standing in front of my house, apologizing.

I might or might not have lied I was sick and had never met him that day.

He didn’t come to school the few days after. I heard he was resting. There were 48 unread messages from Jung Daehyun in my phone; and when I finally dared to read all of it, they were all long letters of apology. I refuse to call them SMS.

Eventually, my anger calmed down. It wasn’t so pleasing to see your friend pleadingly watch you from your back in hope you’d someday make up with them, but never asking because you’re mad at them. I sighed, finally making conversation with him.

All I remember from our conversation that evening was how he smiled ear to ear and thanked me for giving him another chance. He promised me he won’t ever pull out stunts like that again and he’d try to fix this; whatever it is.

Honestly speaking, I was glad too.

Though he slammed his hand on my back greeting me good morning the next day, it was everything beyond normal.

Why was it slowly creeping up to me, that Daehyuns eyes were large and coffee-ish, and his hair was silky and he had a great smile. This is not happening….

But it was, . It was my turn to fall in love. I just wasn’t in denial.

Him? Jung Daehyun? What does he not have? His parents are running a branded importing company, he drove a sports car out of school, was popular and damn, he even looked good. It made me wonder what on earth in me he ever found attractive.

I was a small, skinny, on top of that nerdy. I had no friends, and possibly had no future aside exams. I’m gay, too – but that doesn’t count here, does it? Generally my un-attractive list was much longer than his.

What’s worse was that every time he tried to fix us as friends, it just turned beyond that in my eyes. When he’d ask if its fine if he treated me to dinner, the hotel was too grand, and he dressed too well. When he’d ask me to help him with his studies, he sat too close and he said too much dumb things.

Damn you, Daehyun. Why is all of it happening after I turn you down, in the rudest way ever – at that? And for me, who would talk long about how I'd possibly never find anyone who would last as a lover next to me for hours…. What I expected out of falling in love, oh I present you with long descriptions. I want to feel safe, secure and all at the same I want to feel freedom. I want to feel focused, at the same time dazed. When they would hold my hand, my feet should sink into the ground, yet my head should be in the clouds….

I started to wonder, if I would feel so if I would hold your hand.

If I kissed your lips.

Damn it, Damn all of it.

‘I’ve got confess’

To me, this day, I planned over and over in my mind. What I’m going to say to him, what I want out of him, I planned for weeks. But to him, today was just Wednesday. I must have caught him off guard, but his reaction was… far more calm and collected that I could literally feel my heart shattering.

He sat there, in his seat in the class; and I stood in front of him, explaining. First, I apologized, for being rude. And then, I just said it. It surely didn’t come out right either. I only said “I like you, Daehyun. I keep thinking you deserve to know.”

He just smiled, ear to ear. I don’t think I imagined how his hair fell lightly over his brows when the wind seeped passed us, or how his eyes shone for a second there. He remained seated calmly for a while and spoke.

“I didn’t expect this, at all.”

“I know. I’m sorry it’s coming out like this. I’ve never confessed before.”

“Does this count as a proper confession to you, then?”

I cringed. One of my complaints was that he didn’t confess directly as well. His cheeky grin suggested to which he was thinking of. I nodded, blushing – possibly; feeling my cheeks burn. ‘What I’m doing right now is so not fair’.

He kept his smile and stood up. “You’re so hard to figure out, Jae. It was just yesterday you smacked me on the head saying no one would date me, and here you are, confessing.”

I bit my lip. Gulping, I nodded. “True.”

He laughed lightly at that, and patted my shoulder. He said nothing, as he tugged on my sleeve. “We’re getting late.” He said, possibly in his usual tone. Whether he actually expected me to confess or not, or if he was purposely kept me hanging is out of my grasp. But I let him have the advantage here, as I simply nodded and grabbed my backpack.

He went ahead and waited by the corridor and as I stepped out of the classroom, he daringly sent his arm snaking around my waist. I flinched, a part of me worried, and a part of me excited. My feet were glued to the ground, but my eyes wondered all over his smile, those thick lips and glistening eyes.

I suppose love goes something like this….