^{(AN: I skipped a lot of time so if you think it's best go read the final chapters of the previous chapter)}

[11 years later]

 

“Junhong, uh; well…”

It was Himchan at the end of the line, for once at loss of words and feeling awkward. The elder was always fond of blabbering and was very talented in putting a story altogether. One doesn’t turn to a social butterfly without social skills – but of course; this situation is exceptional, and the older was permitted to stutter.

Junhong chuckled, leaving his facial tower on the dressing table and signing his makeup artist to hold until he’s done with the conversation. “I know hyung.” He said instead of leaving the atmosphere to grow awkward. Himchan probably blinked twice in the other side as he usually does when surprised and left few seconds hanging.

“..What?” he asked in the end, still not sure if Junhong really was in the same page as he was. Junhong chuckled again. “You’re engagement with Jongup, hyung. The party is next Friday, 8 Pm. I’m coming.” He said. The older chuckled nervously at the other end in a sigh. “I don’t know how everyone already knows this.” He admits that he’s a little left out of conversation these days, probably glad nevertheless that he didn’t have to explain the whole story over the line.

“Being 36 isn’t a walk in the park, hyung. What took you so long?” Junhong teases, his grinning continuing. Himchan huffs into the speaker loudly, probably turning on his heel like he does when he’s frustrated. “Well; I was popular for a long time. I’m awesome.” He reasons.

Junhong chuckles, and nods in the middle nevertheless. “Good luck hyung. I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.” Himchan hums in the other end of the line, and wishes Junhong the same. Junhong hangs up in a smile, putting away his phone. He sits down in his chair, thinking how conversation sort of ceased between the six of them for the past few years. Though he doesn’t like to mention, the one that left most impact was Yongguk. It’s hard to describe it – honestly. Rather like a huge chunk of Junhongs life that had gone missing without a trace to find anything back.

Junhong couldn’t stop turning red when his makeup artist asked him if the eyeliner she used was irritating Junhongs eyes. It wasn’t; but she didn’t have to rub it into Junhongs face that he was tearing up, did she? Blinking his eyes tight; Junhong asks for a tissue and fixes himself.

Sometimes, he feels as if a part of him never really grew up. He can count 28 of his age, but still he walked around with his skateboard and probably laughed to the same type of jokes. His heart still fluttered when he went on stage and he still ran into edges of emotion as if he was still seventeen. He wasn’t. Junhong wonders when he really would grow up. Maybe this was the mature Junhong and he would have to admit that.

Four years ago, all things sensitive were about how busy they were and how petty his wants were. Junhong thinks none of that ever changed, or appears they wouldn’t someday either. If Yongguk and Junhong would have tried to keep their relationship in one piece a little more, it would have come down then or a little later anyway. If anything bothers him, then it would be the fact that it was something that would still worth fighting for. But it doesn’t really work that way when you’re too tired to face all the questioning and wondering in yourself to find answers.

Funny though – the reason that Daehyun and Youngjae, and Himchan and Jongup are together and obviously plan to spend the rest of their lives that way; because Yongguk and Junhong were the first to find themselves. Maybe it was too soon after all.

Maybe it’s the fact that you can never forget your first love.

Junhong can’t put a finger to it. He’d rather not, as well. But he doesn’t. That’s why when he’s up in the stage, his fans below him in loud cheers to welcome him – holding his mike in a lonely smile, seated in the stool at the middle of a stage that belonged to him, waiting for the note to start the next song he composed himself.

The crowd turns quiet, and the soothing music comes along – and Junhong sings.

It’s been a while since he started with challenging the industry alone – and successfully he could carry on dancing, singing and rapping all in a good game. Junhong never really imagined himself doing anything other than singing and performing on stage anyway. He’s never more comfortable and never more excited than to be on stage and sing… but today; is a little exceptional.

After the song ends, and the crowd erupts in cheers, Junhong stands up to bow. He’s mostly glad the show is cooperated and he only has to sing one song on stage. Saying his good byes, he leaves – quickly as he can from the set, bowing in thank to the staff. His manager follows him showing way to his cab, and Junhong dumps himself, more glad and comfortable than tired. He’s used to this routine already. There’s an interview ready for his new album afterwards, and then he can have some time for his own for the week end.

The day goes by, and he cab drops him at his apartment complex. It’s been six years since he bought his own apartment, and he is financially stable enough to run his life the way he does. Parts like this in him had matured, visibly. Junhong is a little proud about that.

On the elevator; his phone starts to virr in his jeans again. He feels a little discouraged to find his girlfriend as the caller. Of course; Junhong was fully, top to bottom, gay. This girl was dumped on Junhong by the agency just after she had her debut, and she collected a lot of fame thanks to this. It’s crazy how the industry changed in just a couple of years. Just talent isn’t enough these days. Maybe it’s because he’s working for a different agency now. He was much more comfortable in TS. Junhong doesn’t really need to cope with her anymore, but he guesses he’s a little too nice to say that to her face. Besides, she wasn’t too bad of a person.

“Hello.” Junhong greets.
“Oppa~ I watched you on TV just a while ago! You’re new album is really great.”

That show was live on TV, really? How come Junhong didn’t know? He must be really irresponsible these days. Shouldn’t his manager tell him that? …. Oh well. (The same reaction when he saw that he was dating her as the headline of Korean idol websites)

“Thank you”. Junhong sighs as he steps out of the elevator.

“I heard you did the composing entirely? And the lyrics as well?”

Junhong unenthusiastically hums. “I just came home, Eun.” Junhong ends up saying instead of ‘You’re a pain, please keep the phone.’ “Really? Then can I come over Oppa?” Junhong lets out a frustrated huff. “Why would you do that?” he asks, almost as if what she asked was a ridiculous question; (as if he could have had a better reaction if she asked if she can make her dog fly.)

What in the world could Junhong do with a girl over in his apartment? Listen to her never ending chattering? Junhong says no.

Junhong presses the phone on his ear flat from his shoulder as he stuffs his hand in his pockets to find the keys, holding his i-pad in one hand. He finds his keys and struggles a bit to jam the right one in to the key hole, and never notices that the line was dead for a couple of seconds as he did so.

He walks in and locks the door.

“Hello?” he asks then.
“Oppa! You’re so mean!” and he thinks he heard a sob, and she hung up. Junhong rolled his eyes. Sighing, he kept his phone on the sofa-table and plugged it into the charger. Same went with his i-pad. Old habits die hard, he thinks in a chuckle.

After a bath, he drops down on his couch and browses through TV channels without a purpose, yawns and stares out of the windows of his 27^th floor apartment and sleepily walks to his bed, gathering up his phone and i-pad. Purposelessly he browsed youtube on his bed for the next half an hour, until his phone ding-donged, notifying a text message.

It was Youngjae.

“Zelo-ya, are you free this weekend? We can meet up then.”

Junhong was still called Zelo by Youngjae, and it somehow always brought Junhong back to memories. It was mostly thanks to these hyungs that Junhong was a non-stop hit ever since he came to the industry. The heart-felt respect he had for them never surfaced this hard whenever he was with them though. He missed them all the time.

Chuckling, Junhong decides to call his hyung. Youngjae picks up without a ringtone wasted. “Zelo-ya! I thought you might be busy. How are you?” “I’m good hyung. How about you? And Daehyun-hyung?” “He’s a pain as ever. I’m okay too, I guess. Oh god, It took me three weeks to perfect baking a cake Zelo. He perfectly knew it was for Himchan-hyungs party, and he ate the entire thing! Daehyun! You’re going to die of diabetes. Just look at the fat around your stomach!” Junhong chuckled. Youngjae was probably pointing at Daehyuns waistband while he complained on the phone.

“Don’t listen to him Junhonggie! I’m perfectly healthy!” Daehyun cried somewhere nearby, and left Junhong to continue his chuckling. “Youngjae-hyung, stop bullying Daehyun-hyung.” “Wha-? Zelo if anyone is being bullied here, it’s clearly me.”

It’s really crazy though.

It’s not just him who never lost some of himself. Daehyun and Youngjae never really settled down. They were always bickering, still bickering, and would probably be an annoying grand-farther couple that always complains about every little thing. But it’s fine that way. If not anything, it’s perfect – the way they understood each other even if the communication is a little odd than the rest.

“I called you because mostly I wanted to buy a present for Himchan and Jongup. Since Daehyun ate what I made already, I thought I should buy them something. Gosh, we never got to buy each other anything.” He chuckled. “So, are you free?”

“I’m free this weekend. You guys should come over.” Junhong said happily.

“Oh, then Junhong – I wanted to tell you actually that well, you know…” Youngjae started, but after a huff, it was Daehyun speaking. “Junhonggie, listen.” He started. He possibly snatched the phone from Youngjae when he started to wonder around with the subject. He thinks he knows what Daehyun wants to say already though. It’s probably about Yongguk.

“I heard from Yongguk-hyung Himchan-hyung didn’t call him.” Daehyun said; his tone a little serious. “You know that they are really good friends, right? He probably didn’t invite him because you’re not in good terms with him. Don’t you think it’s about time you sort of at least talked to each other?”

Junhong stays silent.

“I don’t want you to make things up with him… Can’t you just, keep up with him around? Youngjae and I think it’s not right if Yongguk hyung misses this.”

The silence turns heavy, and Junhong sighs. Daehyun was right though. It’s not right if Yongguk hyung can’t attend Himchan and Jongups engagement just because he had bit of a past with Yongguk. The story is already four years old. Maybe it really was time to see him again.

“Zelo-ya, don’t feel pressured. It’s alright if you don’t want to.” Youngjae speaks in the phone again, and Junhong faintly chuckles. “It’s alright hyung. I think it’s time I see him again as well.” Youngjae exhales loudly. “You sure Zelo?” Junhong hums.

“We’ll come with Yongguk-hyung then. I’m sorry I had to do-“
“it’s okay hyung. It’s for Himchan-hyung. I can manage.”

After a sigh, Youngjae mutters a thank you, and wishes Junhong goodnight. Junhong does the same, and they hang up. With odd feelings floating around him, he can’t help but think back the times Yongguk and Junhong were together. Half angrily, he pulls out his scratch-book. He wrote his lyrics there, but mostly everything in it was scratched and cut through.

Junhong fumbles with his pen for the longest while, thinking how to ever word his feelings.

It frustrates him how bad he is with words, now – and back then as well. It wasn’t even that long ago when the two of them lived here. Yongguks room was in the other end of the apartment, now left unused. Junhong wasn’t comfortable with it, and he never really went in even to clean it. He puts his book and pen away and decides to walk there.

If anything – as he opened the door and turned the lights on; everything Yongguk left was still in place. His table still held onto a stupid tigger pencil holder, few books Yongguk must have read, and on his chair hung one of his backpacks from one handle – given that the only ones who walked in to this room was the old room service lady.

Huffing at himself, Junhong walks out to bring a box from the storage room. He feels stupid, but he dumps all Yongguks belongings to the cardboard box, never letting his thoughts run about in his memories as he did so. Inside the attached bathroom, was a four year old toothbrush and a shampoo which all went down the same way.

He took the box out to throw, probably – but it ended up in a shelf in the store-room, and Junhong doesn’t want to think on why he did that. He changes the sheets of the bed, but it doesn’t make up for years of ignorance. Nevertheless, it looked as if Junhong moved on.

It’s exactly his fear as well.

Did he even move on?

He takes one look around the room to realize it didn’t really hurt him anywhere. It’s just a huge chuck of his life that just vanished without a trace. He sighs, stepping out. It’s not going to be comfortable with Yongguk around tomorrow. But somethings had to be done, and this was one for Himchan-hyung. Out of all six, Junhong grew closest to Himchan hyung after Yongguk broke up with him. Himchan-hyung was the only member in the group who he could openly talk to, cry on the shoulder on, and listen to a bit of advice from.

All of it never counted until Junhong realized how important Himchan-hyung was while he went through all of this.

Back then, Junhong thinks – the arguments were about Junhong being clingy, and Yongguk being ignorant. Junhongs decision to change agencies to debut as a single artist also came to top everything, and Yongguk was leaving to support a health-care organization overseas. He started off with funding a school in Africa five years ago, and all of it was taking a toll on the time the two had for each other.

It was never comfortable having to raise his voice for attention, but neither of them had much of a choice. Yongguk had almost left Korea entirely the last time Junhong checked. Their relationship ended the day Junhong came home to find Yongguk leaving the apartment with a travelling bag dragging behind him.

His eyes wide, he asked Yongguk where he was going, and Yongguk huffed. “Don’t bother, really. It’s fine.” He said.

Junhong refused to yell at each other in the hallway; and that last time he watched Yongguk walk out with his back to Junhong, and their eyes met coldly as the elevator shut, and afterwards – Junhong heard nothing from Yongguk.

Himchan walked in the next morning, devastated with Yongguk who had suddenly left. Junhongs’ new contract was to be signed in just a couple of weeks, but when Himchan walked in, Junhong was in no condition for that. All he knew was that Yongguk had just walked out. No wonder he couldn’t be friends with Yongguk like he used to after the mess he left with Junhong.

Junhong emptily thinks back to all of this; now thinking – that maybe Yongguk didn’t want to hurt himself either; which explains why he decided to walk out before things turned even worse. Maybe it was good choice.

But none of them are dwelling the past now.
Did it not matter, that they loved each other once?

Wondering if Yongguk had been alright after walking out the way he did, Junhong falls asleep dreamlessly.

When Junhong wakes up, his room is bright. When he checked the time, it was past eleven. Yawning he wakes up. He walked out to brush his teeth and changes his clothes to something decent, expecting Youngjae to drag him along to a shop to buy stuff for Himchan-hyung. He wonders a bit what on earth to buy anyway; which distracts him as he walks out to his pantry, opening the fridge to pour his cereal milk.

The doorbell rings.

“What, already?” he mutters, leaving the milk carton on the dining table to open the door.

 

It scared him almost, how Yongguk had been the one to press the doorbell. He stares a little too intently at how Yongguk must have grown thinner, and ridiculously tanner. Yongguks sense of odd fashion still clung to him – visibly as he was dressed in a plain baggy ash shirt and awkward acid-washed jeans. He didn’t change much either… Junhong thinks he shouldn’t care as he clears his throat.

“Where’s Yongjae and Daehyun-hyung?” He asks. Yongguk shrugs. “They left to buy breakfast. Did you eat anything?”

“How long were you standing here?”

“Not much. Do I get to come in?”

Junhong steps aside for Yongguk to walk in. “Sit down.” Yongguk almost chuckles at that, but he obliges without a word.

Junhong wants to face some air, suddenly – as he turns on his heel and walk to open the windows. Yongguk watches without a word.

He feels a little better with the wind against his cheeks; but not comfortable enough to sit equal with Yongguk. Instead, he turns to face Yongguk, leaning against the window frame. “How are you?” he asks.

“…Fine.” Yongguk says, his eyes fixated ahead of him instead of Junhong. “And you?”
“Good, mostly.” Junhong answers truthfully, walking to the dining table to put back in the carton of milk. His cereal went back to the shelves, and he sat down on a chair at the table instead.

“You’re new album is a hit, I heard. Congratulations.”

The odd air fills in gloomily between the two; but for the sake of conversation – they talk.

“Thanks…. How’s your health-care work?”

“Ah, I was working with a bit of administration in Africa – re-building a middle-school; for the past few weeks. I’m mostly skin burnt now.” Yongguk chuckled. “It’s not really a good pay as a health-care worker, but I’m not yet financially lacking.”

Junhong just nods.

Hopefully, Yongjae and Daehyun arrived just afterwards – taking that Junhong didn’t lock the door. They brought in some sandwiches and cheesecake. Junhong almost jumped at Youngjae slapping his back, and same did Daehyun. “Good morning.” Youngjae greeted, leaving the bag of food on the table. Junhong wished the two the same.

Yongguk was invited come sit and eat, which he followed. Back when he was seventeen, the image of the six together at the dining table wasn’t really a big deal that made Junhong think back to things. Daehyun chattered away with Yongguk – which was good, because or else he’d be left without conversation.

Youngjae nudged him one or twice asking how things were, but Junhong didn’t have to say much. Later, Yongguk excused himself to the bathroom, and Junhong wonders if Yongguk really thought he didn’t notice how he slipped in a key to Junhongs front table dresser as he walked passed it.

It turned Junhong heart a bit.

That was probably Yongguks key to the apartment.

Why was it still with him?

What’s the purpose of bringing it here now?

 

Does Yongguk not realize it’s not fair that he can have the cheek to walk into Junhongs life just the way he walked in?

Youngjae nudges him again while they put out the plates, and Junhong can’t help but scowl. Afterwards; however, Youngjae left the matter alone.
The four left quickly, Junhong driving them to the plaza further ahead in town. He wasn’t particularly enjoying having to go shopping, but having Daehyun and Youngjae along the sidelines of the major focus of awkward Yongguk and Junhong communication made things a bit more bearable. Junhong was mostly furious with himself when he thought Yongguk watched him.
He doesn’t have a reason to.  Even if Yongguk did have a change of mind in these four years, it’s absolutely not time for Junhong to start things over again.

Their shopping wasn’t coming very successful, Youngjae and Daehyun constantly bickering about what to buy and what not to buy and why to buy and why not to buy. They haven’t even decided on a basic idea like if they were going to buy the couple household electrical equipment, or ceramics, or jewelries or whatever. Yongguk was mostly being ridiculous buying ornaments, a couple of Chinese vases and a huge painting of a country-side. Junhong was the least successful. The four decided to take a lunch break, and don’t even ask Junhong why they were entering a coffee-shop for lunch.

Daehyun and Youngjae raced in because the last one to reach the counter pays for the food, which left Yongguk and Junhong to choose a table and sit down. Junhong internally cursed a little at the table arrangement, having to sit facing Yongguk by the window.

“You don’t look too well… are you feeling sick, Junhong?” Yongguk asks.

Junhong tsks. “Having you around is enough.” He mutters. Yongguks face darkens for a second, but he looks down and avoids a couple of seconds.

“Look; Junhong … I really want to apologize for-““Save it, Yongguk.” Junhong cuts through.

“I’m only doing this for Himchan-hyung.” He states stiffly.

The rest of the day goes by faster; Junhong thinks because he might be feeling a little better having able to say what’s really in his mind. At ease, he drives back home, his gift being a latest smart-phone for Himchan-hyung. For Jongup… well; he can share. Junhong grins at that. He still needs to buy something for Jongup.

He finds it hard to fall asleep somehow; thinking back and forth between him and Yongguk. It’s stupid how Junhong can’t just forgive Yongguk and get a move on. It’s stupid because he’s starting to realize that fact that he never let go of his feelings for Yongguk is re-surfacing from the layers of dust, having settled down due the large amount of time that passed him.

Four years suddenly felt like a long time, Junhong exhaling heavily on his pillow. Tonight; he really missed his mother…. Almost to the point he felt tears. But it wasn’t time for that; however. Its Junhongs’ turn to finally cheer Himchan on, and he should do this.

Time passed on, days left being just a routine of waking up and work; until it all came down to the Friday Junhong found himself driving to Himchans’ condo. There’s a couple of gifts in his backseat wrapped in silver wrapping paper, which really was the best he could think of to make up to all the times he didn’t have enough time to buy presents for his hyungs. He dressed casually, expecting the party to be a rather humble one, considering homouality wasn’t treated godly in Korea even now.

He was glad though, his heart a little lighter as he drove the distance. Himchan and Jongup-hyung were happy together, and would probably fight a little harder to last in life together. It was a nice feeling, completely honest.

Parking his car, he stuffs the gifts into paper bags. They weren’t exceptionally big in size somehow. Junhong didn’t really hear much from Daehyun and Youngjae afterwards; which he’s glad for. He knows where to head as he takes the elevator, and is welcomed in warmly by Himchan right after he presses the doorbell. Himchans condo was luxurious enough for a retired idol, now shared with Jongup.

He jumps into a bone crushing hug, congratulating Himchan. Himchan wore a silver ring around his finger, and Junhong thinks the pair couldn’t look more perfect other than worn on Jongups and Himchans hands. The paper work must have been done in the day, leaving the party to the evening.

Junhong was greeted in by Himchans parents, who were laughing in a loud conversation seated comfortably at the entrance. He spent a bit of time saying hello, and was dragged away by Daehyun who already had a drink in his hand. Youngjae joined him soon enough. Junhong spent most of his time talking about the times when they were B.A.P. with the rest, having Jongup joining in. He joined when Jongup asked him to dance, and was cheered on by the little crowd present.

The evening went on, Yongguk seated in the corner noticed by Junhong once or twice. He was just careful enough to not meet his eyes.

Dinner was served, and Junhong ate with the rest of his friends, chatting about random things. He noticed how Himchan decided to walk out to the balcony with Yongguk instead of joining them, probably to have their first conversation after years.

Nothing much isn’t as cheery as Junhong wanted them to; but he was happy for Jongup and Himchan nevertheless. He might have had a bit too much alcohol than his tolerance level, perhaps; which explains why nothing much is clear afterwards.

His head throbs a bit when he wakes up randomly on a couch.

He checks his watch for the time, and it was 11:45. Taking a look around, Junhong wonders where everyone went. The lights were still left yellow, and faint slow dance music still played on.

“You still drowsy?”

Junhong rubs his forehead as he focuses on the figure ahead, pouring itself a cup of wine. It was Yongguk and his deep voice, obviously. “I’m fine.” Junhong stubbornly replies anyway. “Where’s everyone?”

“Oh, Jongup had this firework thing arranged for Himchan. Everyone went upstairs.”

“Why are you here; then?”

Yongguk shrugs. “No reason.” He sips on his drink, eyes fixed on Junhong who tried to stand up and wobbled in the knees. Junhong groaned. It was really a little too early to be feeling hangover. He wonders if he really has a headache, but sits back down on the sofa and yawns instead.

Few minutes later, Junhong opens his eyes because Yongguk tugged on his sleeve.

“What?” Junhong slurs half thanks to the amount of alcohol in him. “I’m asking you for a dance.”

Staring at Yongguks serious face made Junhong chuckle as he placed a hand on Yongguks. As Yongguk managed to balance Junhong on his feet and made him walk a bit past the cushions, Junhong just chuckled. “You know,” Junhong started, mostly leaning on Yongguk for support. They were probably doing a lame job dancing, but Yongguk asked for it.

“The real Junhong would have never said yes.” He completes his sentence.

Yongguk chuckles, forcing Junhong to keep moving his feet as he did with his own. “The real Junhong? Then are you not real right now?”

Junhong drags back ridiculously and raises a brow at Yongguk. “Of course I’m not. I’m drunk Junhong, can’t you see?”

Yongguks heart drops a bit more at that reply. He just hums, because he already knows that. “Then would drunk Junhong forgive me as well?”

Junhong laughs in Yongguks chest. “No, I think.”

Yongguk takes the answer as final, readying himself to say good bye as final after all. That was all he meant to do with Junhong here anyway. Yongguk knew well enough that Junhong was doing well in the music industry that having Yongguk beside didn’t really count as anything for the boy anymore.

This time, Junhong speaks next. “Yongguk… did you miss me?”

Yongguk gulps thickly. A blatant answer like ‘all the time’ isn’t what Junhong wants, and probably wouldn’t hold as much as value Yongguk wants it to. Instead, he questions back. “Did you miss me?”

Junhong shrugs. “I don’t know.”

From the tone of it; Yongguk knows it’s the truth. He smiles at the answer nevertheless. “I received an invitation to teach in a school in Africa, just weeks ago.”
Junhong looks up to Yongguks half-assed smile. He’s forcing it on his lips; the fact cannot get obvious to Junhong any more than it already is. “Why tell me?”

Yongguk thins out his lips, clearly staring at Junhongs brown orbs. They were glossy.
He missed the sight of them for too long already.

“Can I be honest? You’d never remember any of this taking how drunk you are…” he mutters. Junhong clicks his tongue. “I’m not seventeen. I can hold my liquor.”  Yongguk chuckles. “But I’m thirty six, unlike you.”

Silence grows impatiently between the two and unasked dance music in the background. They aren’t even moving their feet anymore.

“Does it matter?” Junhong sighs, shaking his head. “That you’re thirty six, or I’m seventeen, or whatever? I don’t understand Yongguk. What are we doing right now?”
“…I suppose I wanted to dance.”
“We’re not now.”

“…and I suppose I wanted to ask you… if you’d…” Yongguk sighs in frustration. “I know it’s unfair, Junhong. That I walk out to my own goals and leave you behind and come back because it’s time for me to settle down. I know it’s unfair.”

Junhong shifts, hands away from Yongguk. “What?”

He came here to settle down? Junhong huffs, shaking his head. “You’re unbelievable; Yongguk. You came here to ask me if I would take you back? Because you’re ready settle down? You think I’d care that you might go off to Africa or Colombia or whatever to stay?”

Yongguk sighs. “I thought it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

Junhong crosses his hands, his fingers in anger. “Well it does!” he exclaims, turning on his heel. “If you wanted a good bye then be it.”

Yongguk turns his gaze away. So, this is it, huh? Might as well end it properly, then.

“Not yet.” Yongguk says, making a grab at Junhongs hand and turning him. Junhong protests, whining at how tight Yongguks fist was.

“Junhong if I ever loved anyone, then it was you.”

Say it all and leave no regrets.

“I’ve spent half my lifetime already; I have no reason to lie. I thought I’d be over you, but it took me so long to realize I never did. Junhong, I thought… you felt the same about me but; I see you now. I see you well. I know I’m not a person you want in your life; I have no arguments at that. It’s just…”

He pauses for a breath, loosening the fingers he held Junhongs wrist with. “…that you’re… a wonderful person… and you deserve to know so.”

Yongguk grins, suddenly. “Himchan threatened he’d chop me to pieces if I manipulate you.” He chuckles. “I’m not trying to.”

Just one last time….
Yongguk ruffles Junhongs silky hair.

“I’m a load of for leaving you miserable. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think you’d want to; but Here.” Yongguk pulls out a name card out of his jean pocket, and leaves it on top of the dining table, placing a bottle of wine on top as weight.

He’s glad though; somehow. Since he’s smiling.
“Live well.”

A bitter, yet chaste smile clings to his lips as he steps out, leaving Junhong behind, once again.
It was mostly what he came here for, anyway. It’s just that people expect the most out of the least… Yongguk was no different.

Sounds of the firecrackers start to erupt loudly; almost over Yongguks silent steps in the hallway. Maybe now that he had spoken his mind… he might be able to start things over—“Wha—“

Yongguk finds himself shoved into the door of the elevator, and turned the other way by almost inhuman force. He blinks when he meets with Junhongs sharp eyes, wondering if Junhong really had to punch him in the face now. Yongguk wouldn’t mind though. He almost deserved it.

“You sick bastard!” Junhong yelled over the sound of the explosions. “Because of you I’m living like a piece of .” There was venom in his words, but Yongguk thought of it alright. Junhong too, better speak his mind.

Then there was silence between the two, Junhongs extremely close face shining in patterns of the fireworks outside, falling on him by the hallway windows. “Why the did you come back, Bang Yongguk?!”

Silence grows.

The elevator dings, arriving at its destination. Yongguk smiles, after years – finally honestly, his gums showing just a bit – even if overcoming the seriousness in Junhongs eyes was almost close to impossible. Infinite were his thoughts at the moment, as the elevator doors opened; and he took his feet back, fingers releasing himself from Junhongs grasp.

“To say I love you. One last time.”

 

Yongguk really expected the doors to close on him as they came together, thinning out his vision of colorful Junhong. He must have known from the start, that he didn’t deserve Junhong.

But they don’t, as Junhong rips apart the metal doors. His hands hold them in place; making Yongguk wonder how his surrounding was so numb beside the loud firecrackers and the elevator alarm buzzing madly. All he heard was Junhongs voice.

“Did you listen to it hyung?”

Yongguk blinks blankly. This already is time for him to say farewell.

“…my song. Did you, hyung?”

 

The way Junhong said hyung made Yongguk swallow thickly. It’s been years.

Yongguk nods.

 

Junhong chuckled, which Yongguk thought reassembled most a sob.

“…and I don’t see you;
you don’t let me see.
But someday when I do…
Then I’d miss you,
Then I’d miss you so…”

If there could have been a worst time to sing, Yongguk wonders why Junhong didn’t chose that. His lips grew downwards, making Yongguks heart sink. He looked as if he was twelve when he cried, his voice never sobbed. He fell mostly at Yongguks arms, clutching on his coat.

It was weird how there were tears and sobs and snots mixed into all of this, but between the sidelines of hurt, anger and frustration – he still managed to chorus his song.

“If you turn your back and leave;
me once again in these streets…
This time I would cry.
I would cry, I would cry.”

When the elevator stopped buzzing, and the fireworks stopped exploding… Yongguks soothing voice hushed Junhong, and his hands held him strong.

 

-

{A/N} So; -_-) lately my thoughts are all about my life 10 years later on. I have this ugly habit of implying my own position into others, which is why all of this happened. If you don’t like how this went, Himchan retiring, Junhong switching agencies, please don’t complain because you never did when Yongguk had (almost) with Junhong in the previous one. It’s all complete fiction.

I know most people don’t care to read AN (the reason I add them less) but; I think from now on I’m going to attach a bottom-line AN just to remind people that its called “Fan’ficiton’” for a reason.
Also to remind you, that I as an author has a life as well, (the reason I cant update all the time).

God I’m being so y what the hell.

Thank all of you lovely people for giving this part of the story a try, and leaving so many upvotes and great comments as well(they always makes an authors life a little more awesome). Nice people should live for a hundred years. :)