Wdf, is this an OC OMG.

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“Hyejin?”

As Himchan dared to speak up, the girl turned, her once brown puffy hair cut short into a pitch black pixie. She looked different – at least from five years back. Himchan thought that had been a long time.

She looked shocked.
Himchan understood it wasn’t surprise from how her lips went dry. She couldn’t even say ‘Hi’ back. She was frozen as ice, dressed too thickly for autumn. Himchan gulped, standing a feet away from her in the pavement. The cars honked in annoyance.
This was a busy time.
Himchan should be rushing.

But he waits; patiently – until she forces a plastic smile. “Himchan.” She croaks, gently – and Himchan chewed down on his bottom lip. ‘Is this real?’ He asked himself.

“Can we talk?” Himchan asked.

She gripped tightly on the strap over her shoulder and avoided eyes, and as her lips curved down, Himchan knew she was hesitating. “Please.”
Himchan put his life down on the line. He just wanted few words. He just wanted to know if it was true.

She breathed in, gently, and watched Himchan – who was nervously shaking in his fingers. It wasn’t the cold and she knew. Hyejin never thought Himchan would come back – or he could, mostly. She’s done her best to avoid this.
Hyejin had let a lot of her go to draw the line.

Himchan uncertainly reaches for her hand, and dares to persuade her. His fingers are ice cold, and it makes her feel numb. “Please, Hyejin. Just this once, I’m …”

“Okay.” Because you haven’t done anything wrong, Himchan. There’s nothing to beg of me.

Seated across her in a warm little café, in the far most corner, avoiding the eyes of the busy men and women in line to get some caffeine running to get themselves working, first thing in the morning, Himchan can’t help back think back to what he saw.

Hyejin put down a lovely boy at the kindergarten, and kissed him good bye. That boys’ the sweetest thing Himchan had seen in his entire life. It’s twisting his insides and it hurts. He ran along with a wide smile and turned back waving good bye. ‘They are happy.’
‘They are lying, right?’

“I have work in thirty minutes.” Hyejin decides to speak first, and warms her fingers by taking up the cup of coffee. He words sound distant, as if they don’t want Himchan involved at all. Himchan’s clicking his nails and she knows he’s nervous.

Hyejin starts to feel sorry – a feeling she had locked away for all these years. She never did look at the situation through Himchans’ eyes, wonder if he too, wanted to be happy – like her.
‘I didn’t mean to hurt you.’

Himchan gulps thickly, and quickly, he molds a sentence in his lips.
“Is he mine?”

Hyejin wonders. She could lie. She could say no, she could say that he’s adopted. She could say no, that she’s married now, what happened back then was whatever, not to worry.

Then what could she say to Uppie?

‘Why do I not have a dad, mommy? Everyone in class’s got one.’

‘Oh, sweety, you do have a daddy.’ Hyejin answered, kissing Uppie on his cheek.

 ‘Why won’t he see me?’
 

‘Hmm, it’s because he doesn’t know you are here.’
 

‘Why?’
 

‘Because I didn’t tell him.’
 

‘Are we playing hide and seek?’
 

Hyejin couldn’t help a smile. ‘Yeah, something like that Uppie.’
 

‘Mommy’s counting to a big number right? A tenty-ten!’

The thought made her lean back on her chair and inhale.
Himchan was still waiting, his eyes thin, narrow and suspecting.

“Yes.”

She knew she hit him black with that one, so she lets him absorb it.

“All these years….” He mumbles; his words none other than a wavering mess. Hyejin put down her cup and sighed.

“We are fine, Himchan.”

The reaction, however, made her jump. He hit his fist on the table – and that made everyone look. “You work in a ing storage – Hyejin! And you’re okay?”
“And he’s okay?!” He raised his voice, anger shining through.
“How do you even manage three meals a day?!”

Taken aback, Hyejin suffers from a sudden lump in . “Stop shouting.” She pleads, taking a cautious look around.

“I don’t know how you got here Himchan, you didn’t have to and you knew it.” She defended herself. “If you checked up on me, I don’t know how to feel about this. You came looking for us.”

“Uppie – isn’t he?” Himchan asked, a while later – after his nerves calmed down a bit.

“It’s Jongup.” Hyejin answered, crossing her arms. She didn’t like how this came about. Himchan had been watching them.

“Does he eat well?”

Hyejin felt something crack at the question. Dignity always won her over feelings; and he was hurting her pride. “Don’t you dare mock me, Himchan. Although I work hard, I work hard for us, and we are good. I work hard, and I make sure we don’t starve. We’ve been fine.”

“If that’s all you want to know, then I have to go. It’s getting late.” She stood up.

Himchan reached out, and grabbed her wrist.

“Hyejin, please – can… Can I see him?”

Hyejin let herself drown in the feeling of Himchan holding her, hand, heart, body, whatever. But gently, as she watched the spark fade, she shook her head.

“I don’t want to hurt him.” She admitted quietly.

“Then – then, I could just, not – Hyejin, at least as a stranger, please…” Himchans deep voice felt pathetic.
“You’re the lowest, Himchan.” She spat, her eyes glazing.
How dare he play around with Jongups feelings? ‘As a stranger’, what a wretched thought…

And of course, Himchan had his limits too. The grip tightened painfully, and the chair screeched as he sat up. “I’m the lowest?” He asked, his expression pale and darkened.
“You’re the one to talk, Hyejin. He’s my son!”
“Let go, Himchan.”
“How could you do this to me, huh? You ing moved out, you didn’t leave a damned trace behind and how dare you hide this from me?!”

“Himchan stop.” Her eyes swell up from tears, and her sight is sliced through by on looking strangers. “Stop this.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” He was yelling now.

Scary.

Unfair.

“I could have been there for you. I could have … I could have been a part of us…” He complained, and Hyejin gave in, falling into a mess in front of one person she thought she would never have to.

As he sobs deepened, Himchan started to feel sadness sink into his heart.

And what if she had?
If she came around pregnant in the midst of Himchans popularity, what could have happened? To him, his band, his fans – what could she have not done?
If she wanted Himchan to be responsible…
 

Himchan loosened his grip and sighed.
He would have probably said; ‘I apologize from all our fans for the rumors that have been spreading recently. There had not been such an encounter with a girl, and neither is she pregnant. Please don’t be fooled by fake messages spreading about, Thank you’

“You couldn’t have.” She muffled out, and Himchan felt himself sinking. “You couldn’t have been a part.” She sobbed, her eyeliner running soggy.

I am the lowest.

Himchan lets his shoulders slump, and he reaches out for her, wraps his arms around her and lets her cry. She must have wanted to cry – for so long, to complain…

And Himchan did too, ever since he got to know that she lived here, in this remote little town in which people didn’t exists, hiding – from everyone, but mostly, from himself. The words she had left him with past the night they spent together, were engraved, and went round in his head in repeat like an echo – when he let it.

He felt happy then, because he felt worthy.

Five years later they meant so much more, after Youngjae finding that the once famous BAP fan, Hyejin, lived out here in the middle of nowhere, with a child. She wasn’t much back then, just a pretty girl who liked idols.

Everything changed and they only met once. Himchan didn’t let the attraction slip one bit away, and she was a smart young girl.

The night was memorable – she lied that it wasn’t her first, and when she had dressed up to leave, she asked if it’s okay to kiss him one last time.

It wasn’t on the lips.

“You know, you didn’t use a .” She joked, and Himchan tickled her joining into the laugher. “Should I buy you pills?” He asked, and she shook her head. Her brown locks were cute as they bounced.

“If I could raise your child, I’ll do it gladly.” And she pressed a kiss on Himchans cheek. After a sweet smile, she left.

Himchan watched her videos for the next three months and then she vanished. Five years later, when Youngjae found her, this was what it had all come down to.

“I have to go.” She pulled back, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Hyejin, please, you didn’t even bother to give me a chance.” Himchan begged. If he must get on his knees, then he would.

“How can I, Himchan – Look at you.” She held up Himchans fingers, that were red at tips, nails bloodshot and purple.
They were signs of his demons, and she didn’t want any. It was understandable. Himchan knew drugs weren’t good.
He didn’t have anything in his life to fight for.

“Mend yourself.”

Could she really be the angel?