“Do you want to talk?” I heard D.O. ask but I didn’t steer from my position. I just continued to lie on my side. D.O. must have noticed that that has been my position ever since he moved in to the bed next to mine. He didn’t unpack any of his things and neither did I. After all, both of us know that this stay is just temporary.

                 Judging from the darkness outside grazed with city lights, it’s already about ten in the evening. The others were probably sleeping already but I couldn’t care less. I just wanted to be alone but since that’s not possible, I plan to just stay quiet until I’m satisfied with myself.

                “Mi Yeon, you have to eat,” D.O. tried again. I still didn’t respond. I just don’t have any appetite at the moment.

                That’s when D.O. sighed heavily. I heard him move and his bag then started to look for something in it amidst noises of plastic and metal touching the skin. After a while, I heard him stop and brought the bag back to the floor with a soft thud. I thought he had given up at last but then suddenly, a pack of bread was shoved in front of my eyes.

                “If you’re not going to eat a proper meal, then at least eat this,” D.O. said. The pack kept on hanging by the hand in front of my face. I knew right then that D.O. wouldn’t budge unless I take it, so I did. But I just let it fall to the part of the bed beside my shoulder.

                I knew that I was frustrating D.O. but I can’t help it. I don’t feel like moving, furthermore munch anything. I’m not planning on doing this all my life but at least this night, I hope he would just let me be. There’s nothing particularly wrong with me in physical terms, not from the running and all the walking around, but I feel numb from the shock. Apparently, D.O. did not take my wish well if ever he could sense it seeing that he never really let me off.

                “If you’re not eating it, I’m really going to have to call the others to force you into doing it.”

                When he said that, only one person came into my mind and that person is the one I want to have beside me and yet can’t really see the most. Feeling threatened and scared, I slowly sat up on my bed and put my feet on the ground. I can feel D.O.’s eyes boring into mine but I just stared at my feet then stood up.

                “I’m going to take a bath,” I said in a voice that I almost didn’t recognize.

                I brushed past D.O. then went straight to the bathroom. Once there, I didn’t even bother to take off my clothes. I just headed directly to the shower and twisted the knob, letting the cold water get to me. I stayed like that for some minutes before I took my clothes off and the jewelries along with it. While doing so, I accidentally got a look at myself in the mirror. I still have some dirt on my face and my wrists still both have finger prints on them. Hating it, I soaked myself again in the water, scrubbing my body so bad that it almost felt like I was peeling my skin off. I wasn’t able to track the time I spent in the bathroom but I’m sure I took thirty minutes or longer. After drying myself, I turned my bag back to its real size and was somewhat relieved that the original isn’t in the least wet. I took out what I needed and changed into comfortable clothes. I threw then what I was wearing earlier, thinking that seeing them would only remind me of that dark incident when I no longer need any of it seeing how it seems to get etched in my mind. When I finally came out, D.O. was nowhere in sight. I guess, he finally gave me some time alone.

                I walked near the foot of my bed and stared at the lights outside. So, this is what it feels like when your world seemed to stop turning and yet everything else kept on going. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or what. I don’t know anything anymore. The intention of those thuds didn’t even take place, thanks to Kai, but the feel of their hands on me, the way they looked at me with lust, it makes me cringe and fear all there is to fear. I hate this weak “me”. I hate it more than anything else and yet I can’t stop feeling this way. Those bloodied eyes and dark teeth like they want to bite my skin. I can’t just forget it. I’ve used to watch victims before cry on tv and even heard of some resorting to suicide but it’s only now that I realized how miserable they felt. It feels weird like something’s eating up my insides, wanting me to die of shame, wanting me to feel over and over again how it was like to get surrounded by three strangers in the dark, not knowing if you will be saved or just left to cry in the reality of everything. What’s even more miserable is the feeling of wanting to be able to protect yourself, knowing that you’re not ordinary, knowing that even in the world of the strange you’re even more special, and yet the only thing I was able to do was freeze there beyond what I wanted. Would it always be like this? Is this the exact reason why Seijira marked eight people to guard me? Is it because his heir can only channel the powers but not wield one herself?

                I looked at the bracelet Seijira gave to me before, the one that will turn gold when we’re close to the missing items. It seemed to become more silver than ever. Would this really help us? Would it help me? Would gaining his powers be beneficial for me?

                What is it really to become an heir? All I’m thinking now is it’s not something anyone should look forward to. Yes, people respect me and yes, I was able to come back to my old world. However, it didn’t come in any way free. It came with shadows trailing us always and finding me wherever I go, most probably because of my scent. It came with exposing the people I love to death. And at most, it came with losing anything that you have and if you’re still not losing it, then expect that it will come sooner or later.

                I wonder how many more I have to lose. What happened earlier made me realize that. That’s when I thought of the things I still have. Should I stop clinging on to everything I have as earlier as now?

                I finally understand now what the headmaster was teaching me about knowing what you fear being the most vital part of the success of this journey. People mostly care about demise befalling upon themselves. In reality, one’s death is the easiest to accept because you know beforehand that it’s going to eventually happen. What we fear is not death, but the process by which it will take. As for me, I realized that what I fear is dying with a changed self. I don’t want to do this mission knowing that I will lose all the things I care for in the end. As they say, just don’t hold into something if you know that you can’t keep it until the last of your breath.

                And this makes me wonder even more: What can I keep?

                If someday, I lose my dignity and my principle, then at least I need to find something I can keep. There’s got to be one, one that is much more important than keeping my own life. One that would make me forget how physically weak I feel, and just make me want to fight because that’s the right thing to do.

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                The next day, I stayed in my room all day. At first, DO kept me company, talking about random things while I continued in my own silent world. Past afternoon, he left the room and I knew then that I wore him out. D.O. is really not that person who would want to talk if given the chance, but he was doing it like how Xiumin did it yesterday. I appreciated his effort really, but I wanted to savor this day to my own thoughts. Just one more day and I’ll be fine. D.O. didn’t bother asking me to go out, he knew what I needed and this time I’m glad he gave it to me.

                Evening came once again and D.O. was sitting on his bed, watching the news. I was watching along with him, not really taking in anything. But then there was this news about three guys who were found hanging by their feet in a deserted building. They were still alive but barely conscious. I looked at the faces and immediately recognized them. I suddenly sat up on my bed, which startled DO. I kept on staring at the screen and yet cringing away from all the memories. What the hell is this news?

                Only one person can do this. Only one could have seen their faces.

                Remembering something, I delved for something in my bag. When I grabbed hold of the vial, I headed out of the door, not really replying to D.O. when he asked where I was going. Once I’m in the hallway, I knocked on the second door past my own room. I did not wait for anyone to open it for me and just simply slipped in. The first one I saw was Chanyeol who suddenly pulled his earphones out when he saw me. I nodded at him as he stood up, probably wondering what I was doing there in my room and if I’m already okay. After all, they haven’t seen even my shadow this morning. I shifted my gaze to the other bed and saw Kai already lying on it with the pillow on top of his head. I went straight to him and pulled the pillow away. He was kind of startled at first, but easily resumed his poker face. Even so, I can see that he wants to ask what I was doing there¸ and maybe he can see in my eyes how I’m not really looking at that blank expression of his, but remembering his furious face the day before. Still, I didn’t say anything. I got used to not talking the whole day so I just pulled his hand, the one with the mark, covered in white cloth. I removed it and saw that injury from the knife before. It wasn’t bleeding anymore, but the red line is still very evident.

                Kai just sat there, not saying anything too. He probably already know what I’m looking for when I grabbed his hand.

                I opened the vial and put some of the liquid on my finger. This solution is another duirean invention. I haven’t really tried it but the guidance counselor once told me that it works well for cuts and burns. There’s another package of medicines in my bag which are for more severe cases. I’m going to reserve those other ones for other instances but for now, I just felt that I need to use one on Kai.

                I dabbed the liquid gently on his hand, tracing the red line. He was just watching me do it, and soon, Chanyeol was also looking at what I was doing. When I was done with the work, I let his hand fall back to his side and continued looking at the wound. Nothing happened for several minutes, but then after a while, the red line turned into somewhat pinkish, and then the skin completely attached itself back to its other half although there’s still a spot of pinkish-ness in it. Chanyeol was amazed. Kai looked at his hand like he’d never seen anything get cured that fast.

                I continued to just stare at him and soon he noticed what I was doing. When he looked at me, I said, “Why did you do it?”

                Without elaborating further, I can see that he understood what I wanted to say.

                He shrugged at me and lied back on his bed as I watched him. He was looking at the ceiling as Chanyeol went back to his own bed, probably thinking that this is some private conversation. Kai stared and stared high up there as I watch him with wary eyes. When he finally opened his mouth, what he said was, “I didn’t do it for you. I was doing it for myself. Don’t misunderstand.”

                I didn’t ask him any further and just stood up. Kai always talks in riddles, deep riddles that would probably reveal his secrets if asked. I wanted to give him his privacy because he never really tried getting things out of me too. After all, every person has a secret they want to keep. I wouldn’t need to know this at least, that’s what I believe.

                “Thank you,” I told him and then headed for the door.

                When I came out, I was surprised that Luhan was out in the corridors. He was surprised too that I came out of another person’s room but he didn’t ask. He just looked at me like he wanted to say something but he’s trying to suppress himself from doing so. I looked back at him and I suddenly had the urge to tell him what I’ve been feeling lately and that I want to hug him. However, after remembering what I was thinking last night, I stopped myself and looked away. I walked back to my room and closed the door.

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                As soon as I woke up the next day, all I can think about is the mission. D.O. was weirded out by my newfound vigor but he didn’t question any of it. He was probably thinking that this is better than the “me” 24 hours ago. Later that day, I spread out some of the things in my bag that I didn’t know and started asking him about them one by one. But before that, I have heard that Kris and Tao were planning to go out to search for any clues. I gave them the bracelet though they were quite hesitant at first. I told them about how it will turn gold if ever. I warned them in the most to not lose it in any case. I trust them so I’m not worrying. It’s just for one day. I’ll be having that bracelet forever.

                From the things that I have spread out, D.O. only explained to me the things he was sure about and that’s only about four. The first one, which really looks like a crystal ball is for locking something or even someone up. It sort of works like a pokeball, only that there’s no escaping unless the holder willed it to be. D.O. said that it might come in handy when we need to capture an enemy for interrogation. The next one looked like tarot cards, only that the marks are engraved instead of drawn. D.O. found it amazing that these cards really exist. He said he only heard about it, he never really thought they were real. There are 7 cards in total. D.O. picked them all and hold them up between his index and middle finger. He closed his eyes in concentration then suddenly threw them around him. Within a minute, the cards are all glowing red, facing