When I woke up, I did not open my eyes right away.

                It’s because I had such a good dream. Luhan was there, too, and everything about us was fine. Mighty fine and a bit more than fine. We were together and he kissed me. He kissed me more than once…

                I covered my mouth and stifled a giggle.

                I remembered asking him to stay. Then, he might possibly be here! If everything truly happened, he would be here, sitting on the bed and watching me like he’s seeing a little girl having morning fits. Of course, he would also know exactly the reason why...

                Slowly, I took a peek and soon realized that the slit is so small that darkness is all I can see still. I was afraid and excited at the same time. What if he’s here? What if he’s not here? Then everything would be like that and I’d be more fine if I just continued sleeping. We would still be avoiding and pretending that we don’t exist in the same world…

                Still, what if I’m just thinking all this negativities? Every tick of the clock I spent thinking is a second wasted.

                Summoning my will and all of my wishful thinking, I finally opened my eyes and was for several minutes blinded by the sunlight pouring through the veranda. When my eyes finally adjusted and I grappled for a living being beside me only to feel nothing but the sheets on my bed, a sinking feeling sudently started to settle at the pit of my stomach.This feeling was confirmed when I saw nothing but the wall at the far end of the room.

                Nothing. Only me.

                A horrible silence filled my head after. My heart which was beating wildly just a while ago seemed to stop doing its function.

                Did I just imagine things? 

                Panic started to set in my veins. What was that all about? Is this all a joke? What am I doing here? My hands started messing the sheets on my bed. A low whine rumbled out of my throat. I craved for something. I craved for that heart-bursting feeling that consumed me just last night…

                Immediately I jumped out of bed. I’m going to find him. I’m going to go look for Luhan. If he doesn’t give a about me, I’m just going to lock myself up all day. At least I know what I’m facing. At least I’ll figure out what’s reality and what’s not…

                Before I knew it, I was running for the door. The mission I have in my head is so important that I didn’t even check my appearance. Who cares about me? Who cares about my flimsy pajamas? Who cares what I—

                “Good morning,” Luhan greeted me.

                He was right in front of me when I opened the door, wearing his uniform like a model. I looked at him, at his eyes that were sparkling like he’d just woken up himself, greeted by good news I know nothing of. He looked like an angel, an angel without wings but still, as good as one. His smell, that smell that is so aromatic…

               Oh my God. 

                I blinked a few times like I’m not clearly seeing him when in fact I do.

                Oh God Mi Yeon. You need to stop obsessing and you NEED TO GET A LIFE NOW. As in N O W. 

                “Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes full of concern. He must have been weirded out when I didn’t make a move even once the moment he greeted. I couldn’t though,I felt like my legs turned to lead.

                Okay, so it’s true, then. Last night. Luhan is talking to me. He’s acting all so friendly. He’s concerned. He’s looking at me. He’s—

                “Uhhh…” I let out a sound unintelligently, my eyes still both fixated on his perfect face.

                Luhan seemed to process my expression and then his face broke out into a wide grin. It was so bright that I could swear the blindness I felt when I woke up was nothing like the feeling of looking at him now. My heart seemed to restore its self as it started hyperventilating again.

                “Your hair’s a nest,” he commented as he looked at the crown of my head. He started to raise his arm to fix it himself when I suddenly snapped out of my reverie. I can’t believe I actually thought that my appearance didn't matter at all! This is so embarrassing!

                In haste, I put out both of my hands to stop him and he did. He looked at me, perplexed...

                “Give me ten minutes!!!” I almost shouted at him and then closed the door to his face.

                But it took more than ten minutes. I could swear I reached a thirty at least. Once in bath, I scrubbed myself like mad and repeatedly shampooed my hair. I was so embarrassed. What a sight it must have been for him. And he even commented on it. Stupid Luhan! He should have known better! My self-esteem was really downgraded…

              How could we be when I look like rags every time I stand next to him?

                After brushing my hair for the umpteenth time, and after finally deciding not to put that pink clip on, I finally headed for the door while heaving a deep sigh. I was perfectly aware that we were running late for class but I didn't particularly care. I have much more trivial things I needed to concern myself now , and one of them is how to look good after seventeen years of not even giving much attention to my figure and all.

                “Hello,” I said. He was looking down on the floor, back leaning on the wall opposite my door, with his hands on his pockets the way he usually do. 

                “What happened to ten minutes?” he asked and then he raised his head and looked at me. When his eyes landed on my face, he stared so hard that I felt a tinge of pink materializing on my cheeks. I did not put any make up, really, I just used foundation to brighten up my face, did I overdo it?

                “What?” I asked him, because I was feeling fidgety and conscious.

                Luhan walked closer to me and I felt my heart beating hard once again. Stupid, how could it go like this every single time?

                Luhan raised his hand and I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for whatever he’s going to do. I heard him chuckle and then he messed up my hair.

                “Silly,” he said, then smiled at me gently. “Don’t prep up. I don’t want any competition.”

                “I did not!” I said and then walked ahead of him so that he wouldn’t see my flustered face.

                But then, just as we were about to reach the staircase, Kai appeared in front of us. With that blank face of his, he looked at me and then at Luhan.

                “Hey,” I greeted him first.

                Kai averted his gaze back at me and said, “It’s supposed to be my turn.”

                For a beat of a second, I didn’t understand what he was talking about, then it came to me that he was actually pointing out the guarding schedule. 

                “Luhan’s with me,” I answered him.

                “Well, I don’t really care,” he said just as his eyes shifted to Luhan who chose this moment to remain silent. “You seem satisfied with the set-up anyway. I’ll just go back to class first.”

                And then I watched him as he went down the stairs and disappeared from our sight. I didn't know why but I suddenly felt guilty. I must have said the wrong words to him…

                “I should teach you how to properly reject someone,” Luhan said, positioning himself by my side.

                “You two don’t seem close…” I told him.

                “Well, Kai isn’t really the talkative type,” Luhan shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know anything much about him. I didn’t even know that he’s not undetermined.”

                “Kai is different…” I told Luhan, quoting Kyungsoo’s words that other night and then adding mine, “but I trust him.”

                “You trust people too much,” said Luhan quietly.

                I stared at his side profile, wondering what the meaning is behind those words. But as usual, I’ve never been able to read him. Unlike me, Luhan is not an open book. I still have yet to know him.

                “Is that a bad thing?” I asked him.

                “Well, you trust me,” Luhan said, staring directly into my eyes. “It’s hard to criticize something when it benefits you.”

                “You talk as if you’re a bad guy,” I told him, letting out a small smile.

                “What do you know?” he said, smiling back at me. “I might just be one.”

                “You’re not,” I told him confidently. “I know you can’t be.”

                “You think highly of me,” he said. “But I guess that’s because you like me?”

                “What?” I said, my pitch higher than necessary. “As i—“

                “But then, I like you,” Luhan said, pushing me gently forward so I’m ahead of him again. “So that works just fine with me.”

                I was about to turn my head back at him when he said, “Keep looking straight. We’re late for class.”

                And so I did what he asked of me, I walked as he followed from behind. My head was full with thoughts and locked meanings. Luhan has been expressive this past few days and I haven’t even showed anything that would let him know what I feel for him. It made me feel lacking in so many ways, and I hated how I’m walking ahead of him. I wanted to walk BESIDE him. Are we really living in different social statuses? He said he’d protect me through whatever means, but do I want him to do that? Do I just let him? Because with what I know now, he would really stick to his words. I cannot let him out of my sight because he really might do something stupid…as stupid as taking a knife for me, like how my father did in my dream…

                And that’s when it struck me. How similar he and my father is. Luhan is my warrior, he’s my protector. And like my father, he goes on missions. Missions to pursue the enemy. Missions that could get him killed in just one snap of a finger…

                I wanted to tell him right there and then to stop going outside, but I also know it would be futile to do so. He wouldn’t listen to me. I know because that’s how he is and that’s why I like him.

                “Luhan,” I called, without looking at him.

                “Hmm?”

                “Can I ask you a favor?”

                “What?”

                “Can you at least warn me…” I started. “…everytime you go…”

                Luhan didn’t answer me. Even when we reached the classroom, only to realize that classes had already started, he still didn’t give me an answer. I didn’t insist though, because he might think I’m a very demanding and possessive person, so in the end, I just let it go and kept my thoughts to