~Donghae~

I said goodbye to Kibum and Jessica before walking back home. I made slow deliberate steps, deep in thought about my day. I often took my time to reflect between the intervals from my school to my house since there was no need to rush. And I’d usually think about improvements I made or that could be made, but the subject of Lee Hyukjae kept interrupting my train of thoughts.

For some odd reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It could’ve been his approach or his mannerisms or that he’s the freaking heir of Sapphire Entertainment, but just the mere thought of him felt like an irritating itch that couldn't be scratched. You can definitely tell that he was a big deal in one way or another. He’s not a celebrity, but people know his name, and that’s enough to make him somewhat famous at SM.

The news that he was the son of the company’s owner was spreading like a wild fire and it still was. It could be a matter of moments before the media would hear and write an exclusive article, which is highly unlikely since SM had the power to control part of the media. Teachers were even gossiping about him in the staff lounge. It was disgusting. The look in their eyes had ulterior motives, hoping for his father to hire them and get a second chance at being famous. The young teachers such as the dancing, singing, and acting ones on the other hand weren’t as worried of their impressions. They were there to teach, not kiss up to others to reach fame. They were much cooler about his transfer.

However, thanks to Hyukjae, expectations have been raised higher – particularly Mr. Moon and Ms. Kang – and now because of that, it’s going to be tougher for students to stand out.

There’s no doubt that Hyukjae stood out. You just can’t ignore him when he’s there. His attitude stinks and he’s conceited. The way he praises himself aggravated the hell out of me, but I couldn't find myself to disagree with him. And his smirks just poke at me like thorns. I feel like I was the only one who wasn’t blinded by his evil charms. Then again, if he planned to enchant everyone with them, I could be on that list next. And that led me to further investigation. The way his eyes gravitated towards me during class or even in the hall.

Could he possibly be… Biual?

Does he like girls and guys? He looked like the type to play around with other peoples’ feelings just for the fun of it, judging from his image that is. A total ladykiller and possible casanova everybody needed to beware of, only except they all rather do the exact opposite. But it makes me wonder what type of guy Hyukjae really was. It’d be interesting to know about his day to day life, yet I also didn’t want to be anywhere involved with him.

He had warned me to stay away in the halls.

Psh, yeah right. I’m straight. He can try, but I won’t fall for him. Definitely won’t. But Jessica …

It was dinner time – the time I enjoyed the least. Jason deserved to have nice family dinners, so that forced all of us to eat together at one tiny table. For the sake of Jason, I had to tolerate my parents’ indifferent attitudes, but that didn’t mean they’d tolerate me back.

“Did you go to SM?” My mother asked me. She was still in her work uniform, her hair tied back into a tight bun with not a single strand out of place. I looked at her for a second with a blank stare, knowing where this was going.

“I did.” I told her.

Speaking to them wasn’t exactly a joy for me. After all, there was no point telling them about my day, even if they asked about it. They just liked to create a family like atmosphere to lessen the tension. It only worked half the time on good days where I silently ate for the most part. On bad days hell would break out and I’d end up starving myself because I refused to finish dinner with them.

“I think it’s time you leave that school.” She said as she picked up a vegetable with her chopsticks and dropped it into Jason’s bowl.

“Well I disagree.” I said, picking my own vegetables into my bowl.

“Donghae, you could have a much better education than this. You could have a much better future.” My mom said, emphasizing education and future. I was struck with some uneasiness. It never got easier holding down my temper. It was like trying to put a bunch of Mentos in a bottle of soda and screwing the cap back on to see how long it could hold before exploding.

“I’d hate that future.”

My mom glared and my dad kept a straight face. He never showed me an ounce of emotion, no signs that he cared enough to get angry at me. His eyes were just cold and unbreakable. It felt like a deep paper cut, but I ignored it and quickly recovered.

My mom retorted, “You can’t have everything you want in life.”

“Can’t I at least have my happiness?” It came out sounding sharper than I expected.

“We’re trying to give you something most people would beg to have. Do you know how many people are on the waiting list to get into Seoul Academy?” She said.

Seoul Academy was where Jason attended, one of the most prestigious and high ranked schools out there topping the finest academies with their strict, yet effective education system. I heard rumors that it was a living hell there, priding themselves as the best and having to keep a consecutive high reputation to be worthy for that title. Few people knew the truth of how miserable many students were there, but I’ve heard enough to stay away as much as possible.

 “Well then I’m doing all those people on the waiting list a favor by not attending that school.”

“Why you–”

“H-He doesn’t have to go. Y-You know, i-if he doesn’t want to.” Jason interrupted. I was touched that he had the courage to aid me with his support. His courage quickly diminished when my mother raised her hand, causing him to flinch. I couldn’t imagine how many times he’s seen someone move and expected to be hit. Even now, after being with us for so many years it happened out of reflex, ready to shield himself from a blow. My mom’s face soften, troubled at his reaction. Her hand went to his cheek and picked off a single grain of rice stuck to his skin.

“Just eat your dinner, Sweetie. The food is getting cold.” Her tone dropped drastically from talking to me to a gentle voice like how a mother should sound like.

“Y-Yes Omma.” He stuttered and looked down. I watch him carefully until my mother stole my attention with her sudden bark.

“You listen here, Boy.” She began. She then calmed herself so rapidly that it was scary. A sinister smile painted her face with fake love. “All we want for you is to be happy, of course. Once you find a stable, well-paying job, then you can settle down and live a quiet and peaceful life and have a family. But to do that, you need an education. Seoul Academy can give you the best and we can make it happen. What happier life is there that you can possible imagine?”

“One where I find a stable, well-paying job my own way and live my own life however I want.” I replied bluntly.

She slammed her bowl down along with her chopsticks and folded her hands. It made Jason jump and only Jason. I felt sympathy towards him. Poor boy… I looked back at my mom, who had a stronger appetite for discussions than she did for hunger and I was the same. I placed my bowl down quietly with my chopsticks, showing some decency to hold back. My dad continued eating like he played no part in this feud. I knew that inside he was disapproving every word I said and didn’t find me worth the effort to bother with. If there was any difference between him and my mom, it would be that my mom was still willing to waste her time with me.

“Acting is not a job. You are contributing nothing to society. It’s completely pointless.”

“I see you have no appreciation for entertainment considering that you sit in front of the TV for hours on your day off.” I leaned back, crossing my arms.

“I watch the news.”

“Just like the news you are full of lies.” I scowled.

She looked infuriated, but kept her cool. “The one that’s lying to you is your school. SM Academy – Where only the talented can enter? Ha! What a joke. You think just because they see a glimmer of potential in you and persuaded us to let you stay means that you’re special compared to everyone else? They must be desperate if they can’t afford to lose one average student.”

Average. The pain evolved from paper cuts to a stab. It felt like an open wound where she could throw salt in and it burned.

Hurt, I managed to retaliate. “There is nothing you can offer me. No future, no education, no life that I would accept from the likes of you. I would rather be a starving actor than live a life of regrets. If you truly believe I’m digging my own grave then I’ll gladly make my own coffin because I know I would die happy at least.”

“You’re paying a high price for a futile dream, Donghae. It’s time for you to wake up.”

“I wish I could – Out of this nightmare.”

I looked at my dad who to my surprise actually returned my gaze. His stare was empty, but when he spoke, I felt the raw bitterness of it.

“Welcome to reality.”

I bit down my tongue and left the table. I tasted blood by the time I made it into my room and threw myself on my bed. I fought the cries of my stomach as hunger hollowed me out. The weight of another starving night was painful, but all I could do was endure. Reaching over to turn on the lamp, my eyes burned, but I forced myself to look at the blinding light, letting it dry up all my unshed tears.   

Donghae is certainly bothered by the thought of Hyukjae but not as much as his parents bother him. Another day of arguing and wounds being inflicted on his poor heart. As much as it pains me to write scenes like this, it must be done. Thank you~