~Donghae~

“Omma! I’m leaving for school!” I called as I grabbed my backpack and swung it over my shoulder. I heard no answer. “Appa?” I tried. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but there was still no answer.

I walked towards the kitchen and disappointedly found my mother and father both eating breakfast with my little brother, Jason. They were too engrossed with my brother that they didn’t even notice me. As hurtful as it should’ve been I wasn’t offended. It was always like this.

Always.

Every morning I made my own breakfast – not that I mind making food for myself, but it wasn’t the same as your own mother or father taking the time to prepare a meal for you before you set off for your first day of school or even any day. There was a sense of love and sacrifice when they did so. But mine preferred showing their love in other ways, or to not show them at all, specifically towards me. When Jason was awake, that was usually when my parents were too. Their schedules were lined up to benefit him and they’d endeavored to fulfill any needs he had.

 “Jason, sweetie, eat slower. Omma doesn’t want you to choke~” My mom says softly.

“Honey, it’s fine. He’s eating like a man. My boy is going to grow up big and strong!” My father exclaimed while reading his newspaper with one and a cup of dark, bitter coffee in the other. No sugar, that’s how he liked it.

“This food is just so good, I can’t get enough!” My brother cries with a full mouth. My mom rubs Jason’s back as he eats a mouth full of French toast, admiring her child and I lean on my side on the wall. My presence however still wasn’t being noticed as I stood there. I sigh and decide that it was no use calling out their names. They wouldn’t have cared anyway. I opened the front door and I closed it gently because slamming it would only get me scolded.

I started down the steps and stopped when the front door swung open and Jason was panting with remains of food still in his mouth. “Haf a goo ay ah hool!” He attempted to speak.

I laughed at the sight of how ridiculously big his cheeks were, “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

Like a chipmunk who could store huge quantities of food in their mouth, Jason possessed that special ability to do the same. He also could swallow it all without choking himself or gagging too. I sometimes wondered if it was in a category of talent of its own because it never failed to impress me. “Sorry,” he said, skipping down the steps to give me a hug. “Have a good day at school.”

I ruffled his hair as his arms pulled back to go back to the house. I heard my parents rushing over to his side. “Jason!” my mother called frantically. “Don’t run off like that. You made Omma worry.”

“Sorry, I was just–” Jason turned back and realized that I was no longer there. “I thought I saw a dog and I wanted to pet it.” He let out a sheepish laugh.

“Don’t go petting random dogs, Jason. That’s dangerous.” My dad lightly scolded as they all went back inside.

As much as I try to be a good son, I sometimes questioned whether blood was love. Jason wasn’t their real son nor was he my blood born brother. He was adopted. I was their only child that shared both their blood, but I learned a long painful lesson as a child that the people you cherished most were not of the same blood, but those who actually meant something to you, someone who you shared precious memories and affection with. Blood was like an excuse to be loved unconditionally just because there was some sort of DNA connecting you to them. I also get the feeling that my parents would somewhat agree with me. After all, Jason was all they saw. They adopted him when I was about 12. He was 7 at that time and both his parents were abusive, so Child Protective Services took him away from his parents and one thing led to another and he ended up with us.

At first he didn’t talk. If an adult tried to touch him or anybody in general he’d flinch away. He didn’t trust anybody, not when the ones he loved the most beat him until love no longer meant anything to him. I was an only child before he came along so I didn’t feel any obligations to comfort him as a brother, but rather as a friend. The way his empty eyes cried for something or someone to stop the pain that never will completely disappear. I did what I could to make him trust me until he let me touch him. Every time I did I distinctively remembered how cold he was. After he knew he could trust me he began opening up to the people I cared about. I could never say I hated him, but there was just a little bit of jealousy I felt towards him when he opened up. Everyone immediately fell in love with him, including my parents. And when I did it, I got a few laughs and the stares of disapproval. Over the years I’ve grown use to it though. I learned to keep a distance to reduce the pain and how to hold my independence in my own hands.

Because it was Jason, I didn’t mind giving him everything I once had because he never stole it from me. I lost it all on my own. There was no longer the feeling of responsibility that I had to please my parents either, but losing that feeling was like losing part of my desires for wanting their love. In some way I knew I had to manage those emotions on my own. I made it through 4 years, but it never got easier.

Jason was everything my parents ever wanted. He was cunning with the intelligence of an adult and innocent with the cuteness of a child. No matter the academic challenge he would excel in them and rank close to the top if not the top. His awards said it all. At the young age of 12, he could give them more than I could ever give.

Contrary to Jason, I fell more on the arts side. I loved acting, dancing, and singing. It was my dream to join a company and become famous, although my parents preferred me to become a doctor or a lawyer. I had no doubts that entertainment was my calling. I begged and begged with a few lies and somehow managed to get them to sign the papers for SM Academy, a fine arts high school that only accepted the best potential talents. It wasn’t until the first parent-teacher conference that they found out was SM was really about and nearly revoked me from the school. I was hanging on a piece of thread at that point but SM saw me as a valuable student to the school and convinced them to let me stay. It didn’t stop them from trying to convince me in their own way to resign and transfer, but as long as I had the option, SM was the place for me.

There was a bunch of diverse talents and people to learn from, so many things I could do. Every time I woke up in the morning I had something to look forward to. It was somewhere I could connect with people I wouldn’t let down, even when I failed it was just another promising effort of determination. SM was actually where I’m heading right now. It’s the beginning of a new school semester and I hadn’t seen any of my friends in months, my heart pounded because I was finally going to reunite with my best friend, Kim Kibum. We’ve been friends ever since we were babies and nobody knew me more than him. Nobody.

I had almost set foot on campus when I felt an arm being draped over my shoulders. I turn and saw the one and only Kibum who flashed me his ‘killer smile’. He was more of the silent type, so people didn’t expect him to say much, but under that silent, cold exterior was a warm and kind teddy bear. Not exactly a huggable one, just one that was nice to look at and you could see it was there.

“Kibum! Hey, I haven’t seen you in ages! How’s it going?” I said as casual as possible. I gave him a big brotherly hug and he laughed at my awkward affection.

“I’ve been in America visiting relatives this whole summer, so I’m still jet lagged. Man, I wish I hadn’t come back to Korea so close to the end of summer. I feel like .” He let out a tired sigh.

“Oh yeah, how was the States? Did you learn any new English?”

“To be, or not to be – that is the question: Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Or to take arms against a sea of–” Kibum recited in English, throwing around as many exaggerated hand gestures as he knew. I just blinked and stopped him since he just kept on going on and on about something I couldn’t understand. He then translated and I nodded giving him an ‘I knew that’ expression even though I didn’t understand any of it.

“Psh, of course I knew it was Shakespeare.” I lied.

“Riiiiiiight.” He nodded, laughing at my poor English skills. “And so how was our summer?”

“Well, you know, I’ve just been at home and occasionally working a few part time jobs. Nothing special – Oh! Except this one time I was on my break while I was working and went home to get an extra pair of underwear and I totally forgot I was still on the clock.”

“What happened?”

“I got fired.”

“No I mean what happened with your underwear? Why’d you go home to get a–”

“Don’t ask…”

“Okay…Did you hang out with Jessica?”

“I wish, but she was in Paris the whole summer.” I sighed.

“Well speak of the devil, look who it is.” Kibum pointed out.

I fixed my attention onto a certain girl who was running towards us. My heart lifted up in joy and I open my arms to embrace the living daylight out of my girlfriend, Jessica.

“I missed you so much.” She whispered in my ear.

“I missed you too. How was Paris?” I asked as we separated.

“It was gorgeous!” she explained. “But it would’ve been better if you were there.”

I pecked her lips which made her pout instantly disappear. I then drape my arms around Jessica and Kibum’s shoulders and smiled brightly.

“Well, we’re all together now and that’s all that matters. It’s a new semester, so let’s enjoy it together!”

Yay! Chapter two! I didn't know who to to choose for Donghae's little, adopted brother so I just made up a random character named Jason. Donghae harbors mixed feelings about Jason and his parents, but it's only the beginning you see of his struggles. And yes, Jessica is Donghae's girlfriend because Donghae is straight, but notice it's an Eunhae facfic ;) Thank you~