~Donghae~

We’ve moved on to the next level, Hyukjae and I. Yes, we’re dating. For some reason just knowing that makes my heart pound incredibly fast. I didn’t foresee myself to be so anxious. Though hard to fathom, I don’t have any regrets kissing him or asking him out. Hyoyeon’s words really gave me that extra push, otherwise I’d never overcome the fear of loss. On the contrary, the thought of Hyukjae walking away from me like Jessica or Kibum was just as fearful.

I took a long deep breath to calm my emotions. I’m alone now, yet every part of my body tingled like he was still touching me. Overwhelming joy – is this what falling in love feels like? We left so soon from school and tomorrow seemed too long to wait. I want to see him already…

I buried my face in the sheets, cheeks burning hot. This felt so lame… I’m wishing for the impossible… I can’t see him right now. He’s probably already asleep, resting for tomorrow unlike me who can’t even get an ounce of sleep. Yeah, Hyukjae always keeps his cool. I need to keep mine too. He’d see my weaknesses and attack me from them. Then I would be really troubled.  

Tossing myself to my other side, I let time and stillness take my consciousness away.

Bzzzzzz…

Bzzzzzz…

Bzzzzzz…

I cracked one eye open to see what was causing that vexatious sound, and when I did that the second eye followed. Great… Wide awake again. What the hell is bothering my peaceful rest? On my bedside table, my phone screen was lit up. It was also the source of buzzing. I sat up and pick up my phone. I almost dropped it as I hit answer.

“H-Hyukjae? Hey…” My throat was scratchy and dry. I moved the phone away to clear it.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” He sounded apologetic

“Nah, couldn’t sleep anyway. What’s up?”

“Really? Me neither.”

Hyukjae couldn’t sleep either?

“Hey, Donghae?” He said. His voice was husky and low. I kept my phone really close to my ear and closed my eyes to listen. “Yeah?”

“Thanks for picking up. I really wanted to hear your voice.”

I pushed my face into my pillow even though he couldn’t see my reaction. I turned my head back to answer.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” He made what seemed to be a mix of a scoff and laugh. “I couldn’t fall asleep because I kept thinking about you. How uncool am I?”

There was a huge sense of relief and happiness that washed over me like a beach wave. I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep after all. Unconsciously the corners of my mouth rose all the way to my ears. It was almost too funny. I was just worrying about how embarrassing it was to feel so love-struck over us being boyfriends, but now it was even more embarrassing to think Hyukjae wouldn’t feel the same. Jeeze, this guy really knows how to mess with me.

“Donghae? You still there?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I’m still here. So what do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t really know. I called you off a whim. I didn’t expect you to actually pick up.”

“Did you ever think I would be angry you called this late?”

“N-No? Are you?”

“Of course not!”

I covered my mouth. Oops… “That was really loud…” I said embarrassed.

Hyukjae was trying to hold back a laugh. “Pabo.” He called me.

Dragging my feet through the halls, I was hoping to see him pop up as I turned each corner. It was strange. Just from our little time of being together, I’ve developed this anticipation of physical contact. Physical contact as in seeing him in real life!! Not the other one where we touch, I didn’t mean that!!

My head throbbed when I heard the sound of the bell pound its obnoxious ring into my ears. With a heavy sigh of unsuccessfully finding Hyukjae, I retreated to first period, only to find another disappointment that he turned up absent when Mr. Song did attendance. Maybe Hyukjae was too tired to go to school after our phone call last night. He rarely receives a decent amount of hours to sleep and not to mention he’s passed out before from being deprived of it, so if he missed a day that wouldn’t be too bad I guess. Although, it is a shame. I really did want to see him…

I put my head down because it was getting heavier each second – A bad idea. Once my head rested in the trap of my folded arms, it became a struggle between night and day. My eyes barely remained open as we went over strengthening vocal cords and expanding range. His lesson sounded like an incoherent lullaby because my ears soon started to drone out his voice, almost to a slumber. I hope he doesn’t notice… Maybe a quick nap should do it. It won’t harm anyone if I do…

I let go of trying and all my efforts fell into a now lifeless state. This guilt of disrespect did keep me from falling into a total deep sleep, but it wasn’t enough to keep me up. Just a little more. I want to rest just a little more.

Mr. Song stopped talking and the class was silent. I dared to open an eye to see what was going on. From just taking a small glance, Mr. Song was standing right in front of my desk with his arms crossed. I’m dead… He’s going to kill me… I panicked, but my current state didn’t show it. He spat out the word, “Detention.” And I sat up and gave him the, ‘Just keep teaching, I don’t give a .’ Face and the class continued to stare at us. I do know that it’s entirely my fault for dozing off, but this energy level was doing me no good in caring. We had a silent showdown until he gave me some space and started talking again.

I hated this… Why did my first period have to be Mr. Song? He’s the most likeliest to not let students off the hook for these things. Detention already? Not even a warning? Well, it’s not like I have rehearsal today or anything better to do…

“A strong voice doesn’t just come naturally. Even if you are a natural born singer, there’s always improvement in range and so on to be made. It is important to breathe. Always breathe and warm up your voice if you want to avoid damaging anything. But that should already be a no brainer, so we won’t go too much into that. Also– Donghae!”

My body jumped and I immediately opened my eyes. I then soon realized I had fallen asleep again without noticing.

“Donghae, stand up.”

It took me time to register what he said. I stood up.

“Come here,” He commanded. “Stand in front of the class.”

I took my time and made my way over to the front and faced my peers.

“Since you seemed to be so ‘energetic’ this morning, why don’t you give us a little show and sing the gwiyomi song? Don’t forget to do the hand gestures either.”  

I lifted an eyebrow. Was he serious?

“Go on,” he said. “Make it cute.”

I yawned and stretched my arms, I didn’t even care. If he wants cute, I’ll give him cute. I can freakin’ do this.

I started with 1+1. I pointed to my cheeks and smiled. Then I moved on to 2+2 and bent my fingers like bunny ears. Next came 3+3, and I stopped when the door opened and Hyukjae stepped in. We made eye contact and I now felt the horror of this punishment process through me.

“Ahh, welcome Hyukjae! You’ve come at a splendid time! Donghae was just giving us a special gwiyomi performance, please sit down and watch. We’ll talk about your tardiness later.”

He looked over at Mr. Song, and then looked at me and smirked. God, that damn smirk. Couldn’t he just been absent?

I clenched my teeth and continued.

“Actually, why don’t you start over? We’ve got a new guest, I’m sure he’d like to watch your performance from the beginning.”

“I sure do.” Hyukjae agreed, his hands folded and legs crossed.

This guy… I glared at him and he returned it with a haughty look.  And I thought he was sweet and nice for a moment too, but of course he is still the Lee Hyukjae I knew when I first met him and now the boy I call my boyfriend…This isn’t anything. This isn’t anything. I repeated that phrase in my head over and over again. I only wished I could believe it.

I skipped out on eating and went straight to finding a quiet place to get some rest. If I remember clearly, the auditorium is always unlocked during school hours and dark enough to sleep. The thing is, no one is allowed to be in there without permission. But if I slipped in unnoticed, I should be fine.

Looking around cautiously, I made sure no one saw me before I entered. It’s been a while, but there were only a few time in the past where I’ve done this, and those were desperate times when I wanted to be alone, away from people – Kibum, Jessica, anyone. All those times I wanted to escape life… Were times I couldn’t stand being alone either. But it hurt too much to keep running to people every single time. So I found solitude here. Where I sat alone, comforting myself once in a while. Jeeze…Walking in to this dark hide-away room was nostalgic somehow. Little freshman me, always on the edge of breaking down. Always running away. Always hated being alone…

I took a moment to pause those thoughts. I nodded, noting all those times until now. Has much changed?

I ascended the steps to the farthest seats in the back and scooted to my usual spot in the corner. I had to watch my step since there was barely any light to guide my way. I reached out my hands to feel for the cushion, but felt something warm instead. Wait, warm? That warm thing grabbed my wrist and yanked me forward. I was about to yelp until a hand covered my mouth.

“Shhhh, don’t scream.” The shadow whispered. “Baby, it’s me” A gentle kiss landed on my cheek as the hand removed itself.

“Hyukjae, what the hell are you doing here?! I was almost going to smack the hell out of you!” I sat down next to him calming my poor scared-to-death heart.

He laughed, amused.  “Sorry for grabbing you so suddenly. I saw you walk in and I wanted to scare you a little, but I guess the result was better than I thought. I came here to catch up on some sleep. What are you doing here, disturbing my peaceful slumber?”

“I always come here – uh, not always – sometimes. I-I was going to sleep too.” I shyly admitted.

“Oh?” He said. “Well, now that we’re here, shall we sleep?”

“I-I guess, but… How did you know the auditorium was open?”

“Saw the janitor walk in then walk out, so I snuck in while no one was around.”

“I see…”

He chose the place I always hid away in. In fact, he’s sitting in that exact spot I usually sat in right now. And we both want to just sleep. What a coincidence.

“Say… Do you really want to just sleep while we’re both here?”

My eye began to adjust to the dark and I could make out a devious smile on his face. His finger enticingly slid from my neck to my chin. “Or do you want to have some fun while we have the chance?”

“W-What do you mean?” I asked.

“Sit on my lap.”

“No.” I refused without hesitation.

“C’mon. Sit on it.”

“No.”

“Sit on it or I’ll sit on yours.”

“Why does that sound like a threat?”

“It’s not, it’s an offer.”

Really? Would Hyukjae really sit on my lap?

“Go ahead, sit on my lap.” I smiled.

He pressed his lips together and I kept smiling. I knew it. He was too prideful to do it.

“What’s wrong?” I said, smirking.

“Nothing.” He smiled back and got up to spread his legs across my lap. He left me in utter shock as his eyes made deep contact with mine. I didn’t know that when he meant sit on his lap he meant this intimately close and open. Is he comfortable like this? He’s actually sitting on my lap.

“It’s a bit cramped, but as long as I can still touch you, it’s fine.” He said.

His words made my stomach feel weird. His kiss on my lips made it feel even weirder. It was butterflies. Another nostalgic feeling I hadn’t had in a while. It times like this I wonder if this is real. He never ceases to amaze me at times. He teases and mocks me, but then gives me such tender affection. I don’t mind it… Actually, it’s kinda nice… But I won’t tell him that.

He slid his tongue in. I couldn’t even hold back my reaction. I ended up in surprise that we were now French kissing. I never knew how skillful he was at it too. Not even with Jessica, I never went this deep into a kiss. This was my first time. Hell, I’ve had a lot of first times with Hyukjae recently. He keeps pulling me in farther with his charms. I’m not sure how, but it’s just something about him that makes me feel so comforted.  

“Now that I think of it, this position is really lewd isn’t it?” He spoke into my ear.

“Y-you’re the one who sat on my lap!”

“Well Baby, you’re the one who told me.” His hips caught me off guard and began to grind in circles.

“H-Hyukjae…! D-Don’t do that…!” I cried, flustered.

“Donghae, are you blushing?” He teased.

“Idiot! Of course, this is–”

“y?”

“No, it-it’s making my heart beat really fast and my stomach feels weird.”

He gently cupped my cheeks, “So you feel like that, huh?” He kissed me again, this time no tongue. It was soft and sweet. His hand fisted my hair and my arms held his waist. He was quite thin, but muscular.

“Y’know, I feel the same exact way.” He confessed. “I’m just as nervous as you. I get just as flustered when you do things to me. And to be even more honest, right now, if we had more space, I would push you down and rip you clothes off.”

I noted that. “Good to know, ert.”

We laughed.

“Ahhh crap…” Hyukjae said, “I forgot I had detention with Mr. Song.”

“Oh crap, me too.” I suddenly remembered.

“Are we in trouble?”

“Maybe, probably going to have after school detention now.”

He smiled. “Well I don’t mind if you’re there.”

That made me laugh. “Same here.”

Hyukjae pulled out his phone to check the time. “Donghae…”

“What?”

“Lunch ended 5 minutes ago…”

“Oh god, this is bad. We need to go.” Hyukjae stood up from my lap and helped pulled me up. We ran down the stairs and quietly approached the door. Hyukjae, as quietly as possible, pushed the door to check if it was safe to exit. He declared it safe when he just casually pushed it and walked out. I followed. I took a right and he took left. Time really passed by fast. If only lunch was longer…

“Donghae.” I heard him call from behind. His fast approaching footsteps made me expect something, and I was right. Only, I didn’t think he would do it so open and obvious. He grabbed me by my waist, making me arch my back and throw my arms around him. His hands greedily moved to squeeze a handful of my and we broke apart with an additional peck before he flashed me a gummy smile and went running back to class. I watched him run until he turned a corner where I couldn’t see him anymore. I was having another weird feeling moment – a pleasant one.

I walked back to class and the teacher scolded me for being late, but stopped when she noticed something.

In a worrying tone, she said, “Donghae, are you feeling sick? Your face is red.”

My eyes widened and I touched my cheeks. A subtly smiled then spread across my face. “No, I’m fine.” I answered. “Really.”

But the truth is I am sick. I’m sick of burdening myself with memories of the past. That auditorium may be where I used to hide, but it's also where Hyukjae and I will perform Beau and the Beast. Those years don't matter anymore. It's all about now, and right now, I've never felt so different. I've changed and for once I wasn't alone in that dark, empty room.

Not anymore...

Just need some chapter of them rehearsing and getting ready for Beau and the Beast and the chapter of the play will be ready to be released ;) You guys should have already pretty much figured out that I don't manage time well and I can't stress enough how terrible I feel everytime I miss a week I need to post, but this fanfic will be finished *^* I swear on my love for Eunhae! Thank you~