~Donghae~

I did it again…

Burying my face into my pillow, I laid in my dark room, agonizing over the embarrassing tears I had just shed in front of Hyukjae. Not only did I cry, letting him hold me like some sort of frustrated baby, but I did it twice. Oh, and even better I broke into pieces and told him the most private information about my life. Every. Single. Detail. EXPOSED.

The car drive on the way back was even worse. For god knows how long it was, I sat isolated in a car with him to the point I almost wanted to open the door and jump out.

I don’t understand how or why I felt like he needed to know, let alone why he should in the first place, but I could just kill myself right now. Like hell I’ll ever find the guts to do it though. After that big bawling scene, how am I supposed to present myself to him? Does he feel awkward? I sure as hell do.  Especially when we’re going to see each other again and he’s going to look at me knowing the fact I’m an abandon child who weeps about his family that doesn’t want him and wants to leave the family that does.

A part of me wishes he’d had stopped me from telling him, but another part is relieved he at least listened and didn’t say anything to judge.

I sat up to look out the window, searching for something to distract my mind. There was a perfect view of the neighborhood from my bed and an even better view of the sky. Ironically, instead of peace, it hurt to look at it. I thought about all those stars out there people wished on. How many of them really came true? If I were to make a wish right now, how high of a chance did I have for it to come true?

Zero. I answered. It’s just a wish. It’s just a dream.

Those tears I thought that were finished apparently weren’t done. They took over my vision and streamed down my face.

Because I can’t do anything about it.

Something inside me snapped. I impulsively threw my pillow with as much force as I could. Without even aiming, it hit the analog clock on the wall and unhooked it from its nail, smashing into the carpet.

“Crap,” I said, realizing what I had done. “That isn’t even mine.”

I went over to pick it up, brushing the chipped pieces of plastic off the cover. I tried to hang it back up, but the clock wouldn’t hook onto the nail. My sight was too blurred to see. Several attempts had pasted and my patience was running extremely low. The damn clock didn’t seem to want to cooperate so I threw it in the garbage can, breaking it even more.

“GODDAMN IT!” I yelled.

Sighing in deep despair, I wander around the halls, letting my feet lead me to wherever. I didn’t even care if I was late for last period. One tardy meant nothing to me. I rather just be alone somewhere. I’ve had enough of school for one day.

“Donghae? Where’re you going? Class is this way.”

I felt chill up my spine. That voice…

“Y-yeah. I know.” I turned around, laughing awkwardly. Hyukjae stood there waiting. “R-right. Coming…”

We walked together, side by side. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs because my heart was beating at an increasingly fast rate. I finally have a second chance to bring up what happened yesterday and tell him to forget all about it, but the atmosphere held me back. It was driving me nuts. All we could listen to were our footsteps in the empty hall. Say something, Hyukjae. Please, anything. I’m begging you.

My heart nearly stopped when he suddenly asked, “You okay?”

“O-okay?”

“Yeah, like… Are you feeling better?”

“B-better?”

“’Cause… Yesterday, remember. I drove you to my office and you uh, and I y’know… We said goodbye and I just…” He was using all these gestures like he was trying to communicate through them instead of using words. “Wanted to know if you’re okay?”

I chuckled. No reason why, I just did. I abruptly stopped walking. He immediately stopped as well. We looked at each other. I suddenly found my strength to speak.

“Look, I know, but I’m okay now. I was just feeling unwell yesterday, you don’t have to worry. Forget everything that happened, ‘kay? I was just spewing a lot of crap that has nothing to do with you. I’m sorry.”

I like to listen him sing, he rarely shows it off in singing class. You could never hear him, but if he were loud enough, you would know it’s his voice.

I suddenly smirked at the thought if he was voted as Belle. Maybe he would have to cross-dress and put on makeup. If that happened, I’d definitely enjoy my time at rehearsals laughing my off. Though, I had a feeling he could pull it off without any scandals leading afterwards. An image popped into my head where a news article was written about Sapphires Entertainment’s heir dresses as a woman and kisses a beast. That would stir up quite a response.

For the rest of the period, I daydreamed until class was dismissed. It was no use hurrying to escape. Hyukjae was in the seat next to me anyway.

 “You ready to audition?” He said, peering over at me from his desk.

“I guess.” I shrugged unenthusiastically. “Let’s just get it over with.”

He looked down and then got up. I got up to follow him. The halls were full of students, but emptied in no time. Hyukjae shoved his hands into his pockets and took his time walking. I adjusted to his pace.

“Listen, about what you said… Can we talk–”

“I said it had nothing to do with you. I didn’t mean to burden you with my complaints.”

“It’s not a burden.” He spoke. “I’ve always wanted to hear more about you.”

I scoffed, breaking out of this slow stroll to the auditorium. “Well your wish came true – let’s move forward shall we?”

“Hey, I’m not done talking!” He called, chasing after me.

We ran in the hallway, but I should’ve looked where I was heading because Hyoyeon came out of nowhere and I ran into her. Her backpack came off and her books spilled out all over the floor. Damn… Hyukjae caught up with me and saw us on the floor. He was cracking up.

“BWHAHAHA! Smooth. Thanks Hyoyeon, you came at the right time.”

I helped her pick her books up and she bowed at me. “I’m sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going.” She then turned around and threw a nasty glare at Hyukjae. She smacked him on the side of the head, leaving. “What thanks? Idiot…”

I picked up my bag and resumed walking. Hyukjae grabbed my coat. “Oh no, you’re not leaving yet.”

I tugged on my coat to retrieve it back. “I’m not leaving! Let go.”

He frowned. Next thing I knew he opened the empty classroom beside us and shoved me in. He closed the door and locked it. It was dark. I looked around as I backed up with every step he took forward. It was certainly empty, but that meant no one was there to save me. A desk stopped me from going back any further. He leaned forward and rested his hands on the desk, trapping my body.

I felt nervous from the lack of personal space. “What’s wrong?” He cooed in my ear. “Is your heart beating like crazy?”

I gulped and I’m pretty sure he heard it.

“Donghae…” His voice hoarsely whispered. “I love you. Please don’t run and hide. Why don’t you trust me?”

“What-what do you mean?” I asked.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“I-I know. I never said I didn’t trust you.”

“Then why don’t you look me in the eyes and say you do?” He challenged. My face flushed a crimson red, but I was thankful that the dark concealed it. “Nothing is going to change yesterday. So don’t act like it never existed.”

“God, just leave me alone…”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.” His nose grazed my cheek and his soft lips landed a peck on my cheek. “If you ever need someone, I’m always here whenever you feel like crying, just so you know.” His words were sincere. If I could see his eyes clearly right now, I’d die from my heart pounding so abnormally fast because I knew his eyes were scrutinizing me, despite there being no lights.

Somehow, in the dark he was able to move his hand to caress my face with his thumb. He chuckled. “Don’t cry here, we have an audition to sign up for.”

I sniffled. “Shut up. This room is too damn dusty.”

“Whatever you say,” I could tell he was smiling. “I’ll give you a sec. I’m gonna be waiting outside.” He left and I took a long, deep breath to collect my composure. We entered the auditorium together, this time without the painfully awkward atmosphere. Hyukjae put both our names and grades on the list. As we finished, Jessica walked in and exchanged glances with us. Hyukjae saw and nudged me, making me turn to see him smiling at me. “Wanna come over to Sapphire, today? I still didn’t get to show you around.” I smiled, blushing, “Sure.” We went over to his office, this time giving me a proper tour without any complications. Now all that was left was to wait for the voting to end with the results of everyone’s part.

Okay, this took waaaay too long to update and I apologize. However, I am hope soon I will have the next chapter written and posted since it's a long break right now ^^ Oh yeah, and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! Thank you~