~Donghae~

Kibum and I ran outside, together in our pajamas racing towards the mailbox. I got there first and flung the little hatch open, taking out everything, flinging the unwanted mail towards Kibum. I didn’t expect myself to be so pumped about this, but my hands were trembling which made it more challenging to sort the mess of envelopes and junk mail.

This one moment was going to determine whether Kibum or I had taken one step forward or not. This was going to reveal if it was finally our time to get a little taste of what it meant to achieve our dreams; to see some light, because my world hasn’t been all that bright.

“Hurry up! – Do you see it?!” Kibum impatiently cried. He was tapping his foot, expecting to hear an answer quick. Restless, his anxious hands grabbed the chaotic mass of mail in my arms, but instead of helping, all the mail ended up scattering all over the ground.

“Damn it! Couldn’t you wait a freakin’ minute?!” I threw my hands in the air out of his mutual impatience.

“Shut up – this is easier anyway!” Crouching down, Kibum didn’t waste a second of this precious time and dug through the mess. I quickly joined along and at least tried to separate useless paper from what could look like the letter. I then eliminated each envelope that was irrelevant to what we were searching for. As I tossed more aside and watched the pile lessen, a tiny doubt began to form. Kibum hadn’t said anything yet upon his frantic search through his stack, and I’ve yet to find them too.

Did we really make it?

“Nothing here. How ‘bout you?” The anticipation and anxiety could be heard from his voice. I did my best to speed up my hunt. Soon, I was down to one unchecked envelope, facing down. The address and whom it was meant for was unseen. All I needed to do was flip it over. I realized that there was one problem though. There was only one envelope, and two of us. I swallowed hard.

My fingers slowly touched it, and then lifted it up. Looking at Kibum to make sure we were both prepared for success or rejection, I fully exposed it. This was it. Which one of us had made it?

I smiled.

I looked up at Kibum with proud eyes.

“Congratulations.” I said.

Kibum’s eyes laid staring at his own name. He didn’t look up for some reason or even pick it up.

“Ki–”

“Is this okay?”

Stunned at his question, I furrowed my brows. “What do you mean? Of course this is okay – This is great!”

“It is, but… Where’s yours?”

I shrugged.

“Don’t have one.”

“Don’t have one? Don’t have one? What do you mean you don’t have one?! We probably missed something!”

Kibum got up and searched through the pile I had checked. He violently threw unimportant mail and some even flew onto the road, which I hastily retreated.

“I already checked. Mine ain’t in there.”

“Then check the mailbox! Maybe you didn’t grab everything out!”

I opened the lid again and even put my hand inside to feel if there was anything. “Nothing.” I bluntly said.

“Are you kidding me?! Why isn’t there anything for you? How are you so calm?!”

Kibum was spazzing out. I picked up his letter from Pearl Entertainment and handed it to him. “Call Omma and Appa – Tell them about it.”

“…But, Donghae…” His eyes grew sad as I gave a happy smile. “I-I can’t–”

“I’m fine, Kibum. If there’s one important thing that SM has taught me, it’s that rejection is a common thing. I’ll just keep trying. No need to look so depressed, I mean c’mon, you just got accepted as a trainee! Go inside and read it. I’ll pick all this up.”

His expression and stiff body showed reluctance, but I pushed him on to read his letter. “Go,” I laughed. “Read it inside. I’ll come in a little later.” He looked at me for a while, but he then tried his best to smile the same as I was, but his eyes were very uncertain.

I turned around and started picking up the remains of the mail we threw all over. As soon as I heard the front door close, my lips dropped. A burdensome sigh was released from my mouth. One corner of my mouth lifted to create a slanted, disappointed smile.

I did say I was fine, but I undeniably feel disappointed in a way. I really wanted to prove something, but I guess it wasn’t my time. For sure I’m happy for Kibum. I’m ecstatic. But a part of me wished that that was my name on that letter or if there really had been a mistake and we didn’t search carefully enough.

“Whatever…” I mumbled to myself.

I collected all the mail and went inside. But I found myself deliberately trying to avoid seeing Kibum. My feet were instantly moving by themselves and before I knew it, I was already in my room. I looked down to the floor with this uneasy feeling tapping at me. This doubt that suddenly grew stronger.

Am I really okay?

It was lunchtime and my stomach growling was killing me. I woke up late this morning and didn’t have time to eat breakfast, likewise with Kibum. The enchanting aroma of delicious food lured the both of us to the lunch line and we grabbed whatever our stomached yearned for the most. 

We settled at an empty table near the windows and not long Hyukjae, Jessica, and Siwon joined us.

“That’s a lot of food.” Jessica commented.

“Jessica,” I said. “I am a growing teen. I need food and food is tasty. If anything, this isn’t enough.”

Jessica giggled and gave a few remarks about my love for food. I glanced over at Hyukjae who was quietly enjoying his homemade lunch he brings every so often. I stabbed one of my chopsticks into some of his meat and shoved it in my mouth before he could take it back.

“Yah!” He yelled. “Give that back!”

“Yull haff to tak it back fom me iff you want et!” I managed to say. (You’ll have to take it back from me if you want it)

Hyukjae smirked at me, having realized what I just said – or basically allowed.

My eyes widened and looked down at my own plate of food. Swallowing, I gave him some of my meat to compensate. “Never mind. Here.” His smirk still didn’t wash away.

I was now paying attention to my own food. I still remembered that awkward kiss not too long ago. What was even more awkward is that Jessica is right beside me right now. Would this count as cheating? I bit my lip, recalling my unintentional actions that flustered me more than Hyukjae abruptly bring up the subject of randomly kissing each other. I couldn’t say that I didn’t kinda kiss back, because I did. I forgot about my girlfriend and did something that probably makes me a bad boyfriend. For some odd reason, it wasn’t guilt that was eating me up; it was more like a bad feeling.

Would a good boyfriend tell their girlfriend that they were kissed by a guy and then unintentionally made out with them?

I probably shouldn’t bring that up… I should just forget about it…

From the corner of my eye, Kibum turned around. I reflexively turned to see what he was looking at and it didn’t take long to know what.

Hyoyeon had tapped him on the shoulder and was standing behind him.

“Congrats.” She said.

Kibum gave her a confused look. “What?”

She sighed from having to repeat herself. “Congratulations, Kim Kibum for becoming a–”

Kibum was quick to cover . “Shhhhh, thanks – wait how to you know?”

“What? Know what?” Clueless Siwon asked.

“Kibum, you’re looking at the heir of Pearl Entertainment. Why wouldn’t I know?”

I almost choked on my carrot.

Heir of Pearl Entertainment? Her? This whole time? And Hyukjae had never mentioned it nor has she?

We made eye contact and she flashed a gloomy grin at me. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I don’t get to judge, but if I did, I would’ve totally let you pass.”

My eyebrows rose. I was receiving sympathy. It’s only sympathy, but why does it hit me like a brick? I shook off my thoughts and just played it off with the same smile I gave Kibum yesterday. “Thanks.” I replied.

Siwon looked back and forth at everyone. “I don’t get it.”

Aaaaaaaand the results. Yes, it hurts. Poor Donghae... :( More to come, no need to fret!! Oh, and an announcement! I've been very busy lately, but I have a perfectly good reason! I'm preparing for a trip to Costa Rica! It's a school thing and I entered and did this and that and I was chosen to go! I leave Aug. 2 and I won't be back for 9 days. That means I can't update (though I already at updating, I'm sorry ^^") but I'll try to fit in at least one more update in before I leave. Thank you~