~Donghae~

It didn’t take long to start noticing a difference. It’s only been a few days since Kibum has been accepted as a trainee and his schedule is already jam packed. There’s school in the morning and once school ends he heads straight to the company by bus for his classes. Of course those classes aren’t free, so his parents have also been working hard paying for them.

He gets home at around 9 or 10 at night, so I barely see him there. The only time I get to spend some quality time with him – If you can call it quality time – is at school, because by the time he’s at the front door of his house he’s about ready to collapse in his bed for some rest. On a few occasions when he’s willing to stay up to talk with me, he tells me all about his lessons and other trainees he’s met. As I listen, I inevitably get thoughts such as, ‘I could’ve met those people too’ or ‘I could’ve been there to see it’. Obviously I don’t say any of those ridiculous thoughts out loud for him to hear or he’d feel troubled. Besides, I still have some faith left in me. As long as I got that I’ll be okay.

School ended and everyone went their usual ways. Right when I left those SM school doors, I headed straight home. Even with the fact I had nothing to do when I got there. Oh – except eat. Kibum’s mom’s cooking is still the best. Even leftovers taste amazing. My stomach growled from the thought of her chicken stew and her seafood cooking.

“Hold on, Donghae!” I heard.

I didn’t expect to hear Kibum’s voice calling for me.

“Kibum? Aren’t you supposed to be heading to the company?”

He hastily caught up to me. “Nah, today’s a little different. My schedule starts in the evening.”

“Schedule, huh? You sound like you’re already a full-time actor.”

I could conspicuously tell from his face that he liked what I had said and he stared down at the sidewalk with a grin. I accompanied his gaze by also looking down. My hands hid in my pockets out of habit. Despite his exhaustion, he’s still managed to be genuinely happy. The corners of my mouth were poking up as a reaction to his smile. But somehow, it felt weird.

We finally have the chance to communicate, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say to him. Nothing’s really changed for me ever since that day he received that letter and I don’t think there is anything interesting that’s worth telling him either. My life has pretty much been the same for the past few weeks.

“Oh! Key and Jonghyun are kinda going steady now.” I said.

He nodded with an amused look. “That’s nice.” He said.

Another painful silence…

“It’s been a while since we’ve walked home together.” He brought up.

It took me a second to notice he said something. “Oh. Yeah. It has been a while…”

Really? That was the best I can do? That’s the best answer I can think of?!

“So how you’ve been?”

Here’s my chance.

“I’ve been you know…” Nothing else came out of my mouth.

I seriously felt like I needed a good slap to wake me up. I couldn’t even say ‘Fine’ or ‘Well’?! I couldn’t think of a damn adjective to describe at least one emotion out of the hundreds I’ve felt before? What the hell is wrong with me?

“No.”

My entire head just went blank of my angry thoughts at myself. ‘No’?

“I don’t know how you’ve been. Seriously, Donghae. Have you been okay?” He sounded concerned for me for some reason. I looked at him.

“Yeah? I’m okay, always have been. Is something wrong?” Seeing his worried face made me suddenly worry if he was okay.

“Nothing. It’s just that are you really fine without seeing me as often as you use to?”

I didn’t understand where he was going with this topic.

“Are you seriously letting someone like me hold you back from working at the company?”

“It’s no–”

I interrupted. “Kibum, I’m not five. I won’t hold any sort of grudge against you for achieving something I didn’t. Listen, it’s fine. I’m fine. So stop sulking for me.”

“But… Is it really fine if I’m not home that much anymore?”

I signed and rolled my eyes. “Yes.”

It was evening, about time for Kibum to be leaving to attend to his schedule. I decided randomly to visit his room and hang with him before he left. I knocked once to let him know I was coming in and opened it.

“Hey, Kibum I–”

He wasn’t there. Instead, in his place was a huge suitcase that had been set down on his bed. Suspicious, I walked further in to examine the room. I lifted the suitcase first. It was heavy.

 Was he packing? For what?

All the clothes that were usually sprawled all over the floor was picked up and put away. I checked his closet – Nearly empty.

“Donghae?”

I turned around.

Kibum was standing behind me. “What’re you doing?”

My eyebrows rose. “What am I doing? That’s a great question I’d like to ask you. What’s up with this suitcase? Are you going somewhere?”

There was no answer. He walked over to his bed and sat on it, patting the vacant spot next to him. My mind was in a fog right now. What’s going on?

He waited until I was settled or maybe even a bit longer until he felt it was right to tell me. “I’m moving into the dorms at Pearl Entertainment.”

My head immediately spun to see if his face was serious. “Wha– Why so sudden?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a week now and I’ve already told Omma and Appa about it. Things will be a whole lot easier on them at home and on me. The company has already given me a room, so there’s no going back.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up! So you’re telling me that you’re not going to be stay at home anymore? And everything has already been worked out?”

Kibum’s eyes dropped to the floor. “Yeah.”

Something inside me didn’t feel right. It almost hurt in a way. It felt heavy and uneasy … I hunched over and rested my elbows on my knees. I folded my fingers in between each other and dropped my head down, trying to think. “Why are you just telling me now?”

Right after I asked, the doorbell rang. Kibum grabbed the suitcase and hoisted it up. He moved fast, like he was trying to get away. I followed him down the stairs and stood there, still waiting for an answer.

“Answer the door.” He ordered, grabbing his jacket.

I opened it and at the door step was someone I almost didn’t recognize. It was his Omma. Bags were running deep under her eyes and her years running away from her face like horses. It could’ve been the lighting, but her weary face shocked me. I almost felt pity for her. I snapped out of it right when Kibum was slipping on his shoes.

“Just one suitcase, sweetie?” She asked.

“One’s all I need.” He replied.

He grabbed a hold of the strap. I grabbed a hold of his wrist. I made an expression as if saying ‘Well?’  Our eyes didn’t budge from each other’s. I was still waiting. His Omma was in the car, she was waiting too.

“Donghae, let me ask you again.” He said. “You’ll be okay, right?”

My hand slowly started to loosen, it soon returned to my side. Those subtle hints he was trying to give me earlier, did he mean this? Was he asking for my approval without me even knowing it?

“This is different.” I muttered.

“Will you hold me back?”

My eyes widened. My head instantly shook.

“No. I won’t.”

“Then will you be okay?”

I nodded against my will.

“Yeah.”

Next chapter soon to come! I promised two right? I'm back and working on it! :D Thank you~