"If I saw you again,

Can I call your name,

Would it be the same?

Will my heart be again,

Would it ever be the same?"

I open my eyes 

A grey day

That name that I had almost forgotten

Your smile and wink flies by.

"I was scared,

So lost and lonely for nothing.

Too ashamed of who I was.

I thought you would never understand."

Did you see me cower in the corner as you shined?

Did you see me try to hide where I sat?

No. 

These are empty thoughts.

But still they circle in my mind.

Even if nostalgia almost crosses the line of pain

There is nothing to hurt besides the lack of memories.

I find myself wandering

I decide to step through the doorway of childhood memories

I close my eyes and I try to see myself in the back of the minivan

My sister holding her first edition Ipod between us

Beatles mixed with Coldplay

"No one ever said it would be this hard,

So take me back to the start."

But I can't.

I open my eyes and I see his text.

-Why are you mad at me?

Only if it was easy to answer you.

"Nobody said it was easy~"

It's funny how easily he stabbed me

So I slinked into the shadows to nurse my wounds

Every time his presence is within reach

I flinch

"Running in circles, coming in tails"

Perhaps this pain is never-ending

But I rather lose myself in something I created

Than find myself impaled by another hand

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry"

But he won't.

He doesn't even know why he's saying sorry.

As he tries to coax me out into the light-

I watch.

I watched him the sword of disrespect into my side as he stood as if he was an ally

I watched him not notice me fall to the ground after I tried to pretend it was only a wound, not my entire being that he had pierced

Now I watch him saying words that are supposed to heal me

But instead, I am gone.

Quotes are from "If I Saw You Again" by Aziatix, "Scientist" by Coldplay