I would never be a good poker player

My face is the window to my soul

Perhaps showing everything makes me vulnerable

But at least I am honest.

*

"What would your ideal date be if the girl you liked decided she would go out with you?"

"It would be the movies. I think it's the most romantic place."

"Popcorn?"

"Nah, gum or hard candy."

"Ooh like Jolly Ranchers?"

"Who doesn't like Jolly Ranchers?"

"Ooh give me the Blue Raspberry ones! If I appear as the third wheel."

"..."

"Hey I can be an awesome third wheel!"

"You wouldn't be the third wheel...you would be the second wheel."

*

Tossing and turning all night

Sweat drenches each inch of my skin

I should have slept with a smile on my face

Instead I wake up feeling like I am Atlas, holding up the burden of the world

*

Sophomores are so cute.

Especially the couple in my marching band.

When they think no one is looking, their fingers interlace.

That's how I found out they were together.

*

"Can someone arm wrestle with me?"

"Why?"

"I'm so stressed and no one has a stress ball I could use."

"Wait why?"

"...a guy confessed to me last night."

*

I sit in my seat, the keys of my piccolo

Today is supposed to feel like any other day

I struggle to be in control of the high notes

Since they either want to be invisible or pierce the air

But today my picc is not the only thing that worries me

My head buzzes with his words

His face flickers before my eyes

"Flutes and picc, is that passage hard? Because you make it sound like it is."

I stare at the notes-the highest notes a picc can reach

So I let my focus run and punch the black grapes, not letting them fade in the air

Everyone within a ten feet radius staggers

"You said it sounded hard!"

"Okay, I regret saying that."

For the first time that day, my mind is an undistrubed pond as laughter bubbles out of my mouth.

*

"He said he doesn't care."

"What?! After all that?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my god, and he gives me all that crap of me possibly rejecting him. Like I'll be the first rejection after...how many girlfriends?"

"I believe N was his eighth."

"Eighth?! Okay his ego does need to be taken down a notch."

"You do know why he broke up with N right?"

"No, she refuses to tell me!"

"Apparently he couldn't keep up to the demands of their relationship."

"HAH! He couldn't? Puhlease, I can't keep up to any demands of any relationship. We should let this go on just to see who gives up first."

*

Somehow I manage to walk into the room and meet his gaze

And pretend nothing has changed.

Laughter between friends

In a classroom we can almost call home

Secretly playing chopsticks as the teacher marks the chalkboard

Yet I still feel this invisible wall

Slowly roll up between us

*

"I'm sorry, I'm such a bad friend! But I swear, I didn't hear it from him until this morning."

"Fine, but you know what's more awkward? In our conversation, I was asking him if the girl he likes wears jeans a lot since you wear jeans a lot. He said that he didn't notice that kind of stuff, and I was like how can you not notice that from the girl you like?  He then replied, 'Oh I don't check out her all the time' and I was like 'YOU CHECK OUT HER THEN?' And then he said he couldn't deny that! And then I found out it was me!"

"Haha well to be fair you have a nice ."

"Yeah but not as nice as some of the figure skaters. Damn they should wear yoga pants all the time."

*

As he easily rushes out of the door

Anger just as swiftly builds

Here we are, acting like nothing has happened

Has it?

Did I freak out this morning for nothing?

*

"Boys do get boring. And they just have different agendas. Plus, what are you guys doing for the last three months he's going to be at your school?"

"I don't know. That's why I don't want to say yes. But the way he said he was sure I was going to be the first rejection he would get...It feels like a guilt trip. But I've always given rejections."

"Hey, he's going to live even if you say no. You need to think about yourself first. Trust the girl who has a boyfriend."

*

I sit here with a calm heart and a calm mind

Almost like Guan Yin with her thousand eyes

But Guan Yin would know if she was the cat or the mouse

Instead here I am, staring at the cards.

Am I the ruthless heartbreaker,

Or am I in the cross-hairs of a player?