Empty.

Completely empty. 

Nothing can entice me

Whether it be the pressure of punishment

Or the anticipation of pleasure

Empty

.

I'm still on my two own feet

But I don't know how much longer

I want to cry

But tears won't flow

Until I eventually cried for help

I thought it would be a struggle

That everyone who had seen me succeed

Would judge me

But they haven't

Thank god.

Then again I haven't told anyone.

But people have noticed.

"You look sad today."

"You're not hungry?"

I never thought I would hear that.

If they're noticing, then it's not just me.

So here I am, taking a stand-

HELP.

And help came.

I'm not fully cured yet.

But at least I'm not crazy.

Now it's not just me holding on to the edge of the cliff-

There are people holding on with me.

"I don't want to fall!" I cry-

"We won't let you."

The fall of despair I've had before-

This is different.

This is not one sudden leap into oblivion-

I'm slowly sliding, even away from my own shadow-

And I don't know why.

I am a zombie,

A stranger in my own eyes,

What has happened?

My heart still beats,

The one that has carried me to this day-

But it's no longer pumping with my blood from my soul.

Where is it?

I find myself edging away

I can't let anyone see what I've become-

Because I can't even explain.

I have a crack

But I'm not completely broken

I still have strength to reach for the light

I still have a voice to proclaim that despair will not be my eternity

This disease I have

I will not bear it with shame

Like how some people pretend to ignore it

It's not a problem that makes me weak

It's just a struggle I must deal with

My angel showed me how far someone can fall

And I have contemplated falling through those depths before

But this time I'm actually hanging on to the cliff edge

My arms straining to lift my body up

This is a fight I must go through alone

But this is a fight I will win

For even a little piece of normal.

[A/N] Hi guys. I got diagnosed today. I've listed most of the symptoms here, so you can somewhat tell what I have. I have only been feeling this way for a few days, but I've been feeling it so strongly that I went to find help. 

As a result, I probably won't be writing much on here for a while as I try to recover. It's hard enough trying to write to describe because there is so little to describe, which scares me. You know from my poems I often feel alot, and here I'm almost feeling nothing.

My parents have been really supportive, and I'm trying to take better care of myself and we'll see if I need to go on medication. But it's been so scary, seeing myself detoriate without a reason. The human body that way.

I love you all, and I'm going to keep fighting. It's hard to try to hope and be angry enough to fight, but I love life too much to give up my only chance at it.

Jia you ^_^ <3