CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Present day - May 2016

I was sitting down across from Eun Ae inside of her newly bought apartment. I was staring at her for who knows how long, but does that even matter right now? I had so much questions in my head that I wanted to ask. Now that she is in front of me after almost six years, I turned into a complete mute. I didn't know how to start the conversation when I used to start it all the time. I just looked straightly at her eyes, not even blinking. I studied her and realized she looked different. 

It wasn't a bad thing, no, not at all. 

Rather, it was a good change. She looked more mature, and more beautiful. 

She furrowed her eyebrows as she opened , but closed it again a second after opening it. I sighed lightly as I shifted my attention to the little girl quietly playing alone by the balcony. I stared at the little girl and remembered how she called her doll 'Yongie'. Did she take it from my name or what? I frowned, thinking about the relationship of the little girl with Eun Ae. From what I heard earlier at the airport, the little girl called Eun Ae as mommy. So Eun Ae's now a mother? Then... is she married? 

I looked down at her fingers and saw that she was not wearing any ring. 

So, she's not married? Perhaps, she forgot to wear her ring? 

Out of consciousness, the first thing I said were, "Are you married?" I'm a one stupid man, I know, but hey! I was really curious... and was probably hoping she was still single. I looked at her, trying to find answers through her eyes since she was not responding to my question. She looked at me and smiled, "How have you been, Ji... yong?" It was as if my name was unfamiliar to her. So, I smiled bitterly at her avoidance and sighed. 

"I've been... coping. How about you?" I asked as I looked back to the balcony, taking a glance to the cheerful little girl playing alone. 

When she didn't answer, my stare went back to her and it surprised me to see her tears falling down her cheeks. My eyes widened and I panicked. I stood up from my chair and walked towards her, crouching down her level and my hands instinctively moved its way up to her face, cupping it. I brushed off the tears attempting to fall on her eyes and muttered, "Don't cry." She looked at me, her eyes watery. 

"Y-You're... not mad at me?" She asked. 

I paused. 

"No." I stated plainly as I pulled out a hankerchief in my pocket and wiped her cheeks with it. I looked at her in the eye and said, "I'm not, so don't cry." She smiled bitterly and nodded, wiping the invisible tears on her cheeks and eyes. She sniffed and I stood up from the ground, then walked to my seat. I sat down and shifted, fixing my eyes on her as she tried to compose herself. She sighed heavily and then took a while to look at me in the eye again. 

"Aren't you curious as to why I left?" She asked. 

I smiled and nodded, "I am. You don't know how much of a wreck I was when I didn't see you the morning I woke up from a good dream." She smiled at me bitterly as she surely remembered that day she left me. I couldn't even express how sad I was that day. I couldn't eat. I couldn't talk. I isolated myself. I felt alone. I felt empty. It was like a part of me was gone when I found out she ran away. She ran away from our reality to find her own. 

I understand. 

And I still do, this is why I'm not mad any longer. 

"I was mad. I was very mad. I was furious because you left me without saying anything. You didn't even leave a letter of farewell, but you just happily gave me good memories to feel bitter of. I felt lost, I felt empty because you were gone. I searched almost all the countries for you, but I didn't have luck. I was busy with my Big Bang promotions and my solo career that I had to give up. Though, I always prayed for you to come back. That one day... you're going to come back, but now that you're back. Am I still in the position to take you back?" 

I looked at her and saw her blink, causing her tears to fall once again. 

"I'm sorry, Jiyong. I really am, though, I never regretted it. When I thought I was never going to find myself, I eventually did and that was when I was alone. I realized that I had depended on you too much that I was already burdening you. I didn't want you to feel burdened because of me, and so... I went away. For your good, for my brother's good, for my family's... and lastly for myself, but that night... when we first did it. Also the night I left. After a month of suffering alone at a place I have never been on..." She paused and looked back to her daughter playing at the balcony and smiled. 

"After a month of being alone and after a month of working