“You will come and visit soon, yeah Mum?”

“Very soon, dear”

“…I’ll send you a ticket”

“Mm”

“Maybe for Christmas; the girls would love that”

“Sounds lovely”

Taeyeon fidgets, looks down at her shoes. “I have to go, taxi’s waiting”

“Give me a hug” Sooyeon grabs her daughter, squeezes tightly. “It’s not many who have a second chance at happiness, love. Take it, and don’t let go”

Taeyeon sighs into her mother’s shoulder. “I’ll do my best, Mum” she quietly says. “Thanks for everything, yeah?”

Sooyeon lets go suddenly, practically pushing her daughter out the door. “Go on; off with you”

Taeyeon smiles sadly. “Bye, Mum”

...

...

“Mom’s going to love this cake”

“When can I put the icing on, Mama?”

“You’re not putting the icing on”

“Ok, ok, everyone settle down” Sunny calmly says. She waits for three pairs eyes to find her own. “Now, I know all of you want to help with the cake, so this is what we’re going to do…”

...

...

“So, how was Seoul?”

“Ok”

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah”

“Did you…accomplish everything you went there to do?”

“Almost”

“Do you want me to stop asking you about it?”

“Please”

Jessica laughs as she turns onto the highway and accelerates. “How’s your mother?”

“She’s well” Taeyeon adjusts her seatbelt and turns her body, facing Jessica. “Listen, I know I’m not the most expressive person…”

“No…you?”

“Shut up and let me finish”

Jessica keeps one hand on the steering wheel while the other gestures patronizingly to Taeyeon. “Continue”

“I just want to tell you that…you’re a good friend. My…best friend. And I don’t know what I would’ve done the past two years without you…and Yul”

Jessica can’t look away from the congested road, but she flashes Taeyeon a confused and surprised look, sputtering, “Um…thanks”

...

...

“I hear them coming!”

The lights go off and everyone runs to their designated hiding places. Bella and Sophia crouch behind the kitchen counter, Yul hides behind a wall partition with Eden, Jamie crawls under the kitchen table, and Sunny tries to blend in to the kitchen wall.

“Why the hell are all the lights off? Where is everybody?”

They can hear Taeyeon complaining from the entryway, and Sunny listens carefully as her footsteps get closer, ready to turn the lights on at just the right moment. A chair shifts at the table and Sunny knows Jamie won’t last much longer. His incessant giggles cause Bella to shush him from across the kitchen.

“They were here when I left” Jessica says, feigning ignorance.

“Where the hell is the…”

“Surprise!” Jamie jumps out in complete darkness, falling over a chair. Sunny turns on the lights, and the girls and Yul jump out and shout. Eden begins to cry, and Sunny has to stop herself from running into Taeyeon’s arms, settling on a wave instead.

“I knew he would ruin it” Bella says, scowling at Jamie, who is sitting on the floor rubbing his elbow.

Sunny helps him up and kisses his elbow.

“I forgot to wait for the lights to come on, Ma”

Sunny kisses his elbow again. “Yes, you did. But it’s ok, love; Taeyeon still looks very surprised. Go and give her a hug”

And he does. He runs over and squishes his body between Bella and Sophia, who are clinging to Taeyeon like it’s been more than just four days, and he becomes the center of a hug sandwich.

Jessica walks up behind Taeyeon and puts an arm around her shoulder, sticking a blue party horn into Taeyeon’s mouth, and sarcastically says, “Surprise”

Taeyeon glares at her as she walks away, but then her eyes find Sunny. And for a moment it’s as if nothing else matters, standing there with the horn in and staring across the kitchen.

But then the tugging of little hands brings her back to reality, and she’s able to flash a small smile at Sunny, before being pulled in three different directions.

...

...

“It’s not our fault it looks like this, Mom. Sunny let him…” Bella points to her right with her thumb, “help decorate it”

Taeyeon pulls her lips into , suppressing a laugh. “No, no…” she says, trying to swallow the laughter, “it’s a beautiful cake”

“I decorated this side, Taeyeon” Jamie points out one side of the square, three-layer, homemade cake, as if Taeyeon couldn’t tell as soon as she saw it, what with it having four times the amount of white icing as any other part of the cake, and every inch of it covered in rainbow sprinkles. Not to mention the two curious swipe marks that look a lot like a small finger couldn’t resist temptation. “It’s cool, right?”

“It is indeed, James; very cool”

“Are you going to hit that, or what?” Jessica asks when she gets Taeyeon alone.

“Pardon…?”

“I’m uncomfortable being in the room, the way you two are looking at each other”

“Oh, stop…”

“It’s disgusting”

“What is?”

“How in love the two of you are”

...

...

Taeyeon covers them up and lays on her stomach between them. “good night darlings”

Sophia unconsciously twists a strand of Taeyeon’s hair between her fingers. “Mom…?”

“Yes, darling…?”

“Did you go and visit her while you were in Seoul?”

Taeyeon nods. “I went to the mummy’s grave, yes”

“Were the little ceramic rabbit and deer still there?” Bella asks.

“Yes, all of your gifts to Mummy are still there”

“How did being there make you feel?” Sophia wonders out loud.

Taeyeon a freckled cheek, smiling at the mimed question they’d all been asked time after time by different therapists. “Well, at first I was a bit scared, and then I was sad, and then I was…ok”

“Are you still ok?”

Taeyeon looks back and forth between them, their eyes eagerly awaiting an answer. “No…” she says, shaking her head, much to Sophia and Bella’s surprise, “no, I’m so much better than ok, especially now that I’m here with you”

Sophia doesn’t hide her breath of relief, while Bella just nods in understanding.

“Bella and I had a long talk while you were gone”

“Oh? About what…?”

“You know…life” Bella answers before Sophia can.

“Ah, well, that’s an important subject. Care to share?”

Bella looks at Sophia, letting her know she can take this one.

“Well, we just want you to know that you’re the best mother we could ever ask for. And, even though we’d love to have Mommy back, we wouldn’t want our life to be any different than it has been”

Taeyeon doesn’t want to cry; she did enough of that in Seoul. But she can’t stop the mist from clouding her eyes as her daughters smile at her with so much love, she’ll be satisfied if they never say another kind thing to her as long as she lives.

“You’ve exceeded my wildest expectations” Taeyeon tells them. “I couldn’t possibly be more proud of you than I am at this very moment”

“You say that all the time, Mother”

“And I mean it, every single time” Taeyeon grabs their faces one at a time, peppering them with kisses. “Now it’s time for sleep; tomorrow’s a school day”

“It doesn’t have to be” Bella grins.

“Nice try” Taeyeon pushes herself off the bed. “Goodnight, I love you”

Both girls giggle and snuggle into each other as they bid their mother goodnight.

...

...

“That might take you a while”

Sunny looks up from her knitting, obviously frustrated. She sighs, exasperated, dropping her hand onto her stomach, her cast falling to her side. “I’ll never get it done in time; I can barely move my bloody fingers!”

Taeyeon walks into her room, closing the door behind her. Sunny looks curiously at the closed door, but quickly distracts herself with the project in her hand.

“Why are you trying to knit with one hand?”

Sunny frowns. “I am able to do it like this” Sunny sighs again. “I just want them to have something special when they arrive”

Taeyeon sits on the edge of Sunny’s side of the bed, gently taking the needles and pale yellow yarn from her, and placing it on the nightstand. “You’re going to be their something special, Sunny. They’re going to adore you, just as James does”

“That’s sweet of you to say”

Taeyeon shrugs. “It’s true” she declares, and tentatively takes Sunny’s good hand in her own. “I didn’t worry about the well-being of the girls once while I was gone, because they were with you”

Sunny presses her lips together. “I’m going to cry if you don’t stop”

Taeyeon shakes her head, eyes wide. “No, no, I’ll stop then”

Sunny laces their fingers, looking between their hands and Taeyeon’s wandering eyes for a few moments, before asking, “Are you going to kiss me now?”

Black eyes stop wandering and look directly into brown. Taeyeon smirks. “That is the plan, yes”

“And what is it you’re waiting for…?”

Taeyeon looks away, biting her lip, shrugging a shoulder. “Permission, I suppose”

Sunny tugs on her hand, bringing Taeyeon’s attention back. “You never need permission” she says, in that voice that makes Taeyeon tingle. And she her lips when Taeyeon slowly leans in, kissing her gently; once, twice, three times…until it turns into one long, drawn out kiss where their lips never part.

“I missed you” Sunny breathes, leaning her forehead against Taeyeon’s.

“Sunny…” Taeyeon says breathlessly, knowing there won’t be a right time, and that if she’s going to get it out, now is as good a time as any “I need to tell you something”.

Sunny pulls back, her heavy-lidded eyes quickly opening wide. She sees the concern in Taeyeon’s aroused eyes, making them difficult for her to read the way she usually can. “You know you can tell me anything”

Taeyeon swallows heavily, looking away, and thinks about taking it back; changing the subject, kissing Sunny again. She closes her eyes, hoping that when she opens them maybe Sunny will have forgotten that she brought anything up at all. And then she feels a soft, warm hand on her cheek, and it brings her back.

She opens her eyes to find Sunny with a small, crooked smile.

“I’m not sure where to start” she quietly confesses.

Sunny her cheek, leaning in and kissing her tenderly, and it’s all the encouragement Taeyeon needs. And so she takes a deep breath, preparing herself to do something she knows is two years overdue.

...

...

“I lied to you”

“About what..?”

“I lied about the reason I went to Seoul”

“Ok. Why did you lie?”

“I don’t know” Taeyeon shakes her head, “I was afraid if I said it out loud, I’d actually have to go through with it; why I went, you know?”

Sunny nods understandingly. “I get that”

“…Do you?”

Sunny cups Taeyeon’s cheek. “Of course”

“So then…you know why I went”

“I didn’t at first, but after observing the girls, I have an idea”

Taeyeon nods. “Well, there are other things I think you should know...about me”

“Ok…?”

Taeyeon takes a deep breath, hoping the words flow out the way she planned them in her head while she was on the flight home. “The night we met, at that ridiculous meeting, it was sort of…my last chance at trying to be a good parent”

“What do you mean last chance?”

“I mean…everything I did for the girls at that time seemed to be wrong. They were unhappy, and nothing I did to try and mend their unhappiness was working. They were heartbroken; they wanted Tiffany, not me. None of the counseling was proving helpful, so I went to that meeting just so I could tell myself that I’d tried everything. And then I was going to…” Taeyeon hesitates as Sunny listens intently.

“Going to what…?” Sunny asks, squeezing Taeyeon’s hand gently.

“I was going to send them back to Seoul, to live with my mum”

Taeyeon watches Sunny closely for her reaction. Because surely Sunny would disapprove and be disappointed in her, and she would finally see what kind of a woman Taeyeon really is and leave her once and for all.

“You must have struggled with that decision” is all Sunny says.

And Taeyeon tries not to cry. She lowers her eyes and the back of Sunny’s hand with her thumb, nodding. “Yeah, yeah. But then…you showed up and something changed. What it was I didn’t know at the time, but you encouraged me somehow, and I dropped the idea of sending them away…though I don’t think I ever would have gone through with sending them to Mum anyway” Taeyeon shrugs a shoulder, “What would I have done without them?”

Sunny kisses her cheek.

“But…that’s not really the worst thing I’ve ever done to my children”

Sunny tips Taeyeon’s chin up, forcing her to meet her eyes. “Is this some kind of confession? Because I don’t need you to…”

“But I do, Sunny” Taeyeon interrupts, “I need to”

Sunny slowly nods. Taeyeon takes another deep breath.

“When Tiffany relapsed, things between us were horrible. She threatened to take the girls away from me if I didn’t stop working for charity, and so I sold out and began practicing corporate law. And I hated myself for it. A piece of me hated Tiffany for forcing me to do it. And then I hated myself even more, because what kind of a woman was I to feel that way about her? She was sick, and all she wanted me to do was work like any other normal partner would”

“But she couldn’t expect you to do what wasn’t in you”

Taeyeon’s shoulders slump. “I was miserable; Tiffany was dying; the girls had no one. Then she died and I…I felt so guilty for not being there and for having any other feeling but love for her”

“It was a difficult time...”

“I was a coward”

“No…”

“Yes, I was”

The tears are now beyond Taeyeon’s control. “I went to her room after we buried her, so I could feel close to her, you know? Smell her, comfort myself…and that’s when I saw several of her pill containers on the table”

Sunny’s eyes well up and her bottom lip begins to quiver.

“I wasn’t thinking clearly. I wasn’t thinking of my children. I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself” Taeyeon softly cries. “I grabbed them and locked myself in her bathroom, and I swallowed pill after pill. Capsules, blue pills, white ones - I took them all”

“Taeyeon…”

“And then I sat there on the cold tile…and waited” Taeyeon wipes her runny nose on her sleeve. “The next thing I remember is being in hospital. Mum was there, and so was Jessica”

“I’m so sorry, Taeyeon”

“Don’t. I don’t deserve your pity”

“I don’t pity you”

Taeyeon blinks away some tears and looks at Sunny. “Don’t hate me”

“I could never…”

“Sophia found me. In the bathroom. I was unconscious. Lying in my own sick. Barely breathing”

Sunny covers and shakes her head.

“It’s my fault she stopped speaking. She was so ing traumatized that she was near catatonic for weeks”

“But you couldn’t have known…”

“Does it matter? I was a selfish ing…how could I do that with my children in the house!”

“It’s in the past” Sunny tries to console.

“I ruined her for life”

“No, she’s alright. She’s a very fine and strong little girl”

“But she’ll never forget that day” Taeyeon cries, the guilt building up inside of her all over again.

Sunny curses her cast, frustrated that she can’t hold Taeyeon the way she wants to. She does her best to wrap her good arm around Taeyeon’s trembling body.

“And even though I put her through all of that, she’s forgiven me”

Sunny rubs circles on her back. “Of course she has”

Taeyeon in a shaky breath and looks at Sunny in bewilderment. “How is it you’re so understanding about all of this? How can you be ok with the fact that I was so incredibly selfish that I tried to kill myself knowing my six year old daughters were only steps away?”

Sunny smiles through her tears. Her hand slides up Taeyeon’s back and rests on the nape of her neck. “Because we’ve all made bad choices at some point in our lives, Taeyeon. I know I have” she admits, looking regretful.

“You would never put yourself before James”

“Wouldn’t I?” Sunny comes back, big brown eyes communicating with black. It takes Taeyeon a minute to realize what Sunny means.

“You thought it was best for him…”

“No. I convinced myself that it was, so I didn’t have to feel the immense guilt it caused every time he asked for you; every time he wondered why you didn’t come over to visit him”

Taeyeon closes her eyes; the pain of that time rushing back in. She sighs and shakes her head. “I tried so hard to hate you” she confesses. “You hurt my children, and you took James from me; you made me mourn him as if he’d died instead of lived”

Sunny’s obviously taken aback by her honesty.

“I never did…hate you, of course. But I tried” she repeats. “And then…I got tired of carrying that around with me, so I let it go. I put all my effort into being a good mother; I tried to make up for the way I was after Tiffany died. And we were doing well, I think. It was almost as if we’d rediscovered one another, the three of us. But then we ran into you, and all of those feelings I thought I’d let go of came back, and I began to retreat into myself; reverted back to old behaviors so I wouldn’t have to deal with all the feelings. And my children suffered for it”

“You’ve thought a lot about this”

“It’s all I could think about after Sophia made me feel like the biggest, most immature of a mother to ever live”

“I’m sure that’s not what Sophia’s intentions were”

Taeyeon smiles and wipes her face. “I know; that girl wouldn’t purposely hurt anyone or any thing, but her words really got to me. And, it’s because of her that I decided to go to Seoul”

Sunny plays with the hair at the nape of Taeyeon’s neck. “You know, one of the reasons I fell in love with you was because of the way you love your children. Even back then, when you were having a difficult time of it, I could see it in you; how fierce your love was…is” Sunny tells her, and leans in and kisses a salty cheekbone. “You’re a wonderful mother, Taeyeon”

Taeyeon takes a deep breath and chews on her lip. “I never would have been able to reconnect with the girls if I hadn’t met you. You and James…you saved our family”

Sunny leans her head on Taeyeon’s shoulder. “I don’t know about that. I think you would’ve figured things out sooner or later”

They lay on Sunny’s bed, quietly facing each other; fingers mingling, eyelids drooping.

“Sunny…?”

Sunny sighs contentedly. “Hmm?”

“Can we start over?”

Droopy eyelids open and brown eyes find black.

“Start over…?”

“Yes” Taeyeon nods, scooting her head closer on the pillow they’re sharing, “…start over. New. Fresh”

Sunny smiles lazily and disengages their hands. Taeyeon eyes her curiously as she holds out her good hand.

“What do you want me to do with that?”

Sunny rolls her eyes. “Take it”

“Alright…” Taeyeon drawls, doing as Sunny wants.

“Hi. I’m Sunny”

It’s Taeyeon’s turn to roll her eyes. “You’re taking this far too literally”

“Shush. Don’t ruin it. Introduce yourself”

“We’re in bed, Sunny; I hope we already know each other”

“Just do it”

“Ok, ok. I’m Taeyeon”

“It’s nice to meet you, Taeyeon. Do you have any children?”

Taeyeon shakes her head at the absurdity of the conversation but knows she has to answer when Sunny pulls a face. “I do. I have two girls. And you…?”

“I have a son, and I’m expecting twins in the winter”

“Ah, twins. Well, you’re in luck, Sunny, because I happen to be an expert on twins, so I’ll be able to give you lots of advice”

Sunny leans in and gives Taeyeon a lengthy kiss, and then pulls back smiling from ear to ear, and whispers, “I can’t wait”

....

....

....

....

I think this is it.

Thank you so much for all the supports, comments, upvotes and subscribes! this fic is nothing without all of you.

I'd say something profound here, but actually, I haven't any ing clue how to go about it. And honestly, this chapter is long enough as it is. So, I'll just say that this is it.
I'm going to be very brief; I'll be forever grateful for all the wonderful comments I've been getting for the past eight months. Thanks to all of you, sincerely.

This story belongs to all of you and I am so damn thankful to you all for keeping with me until the end.
Well, it has been a pleasure. I hope you have enjoyed your time and come back again soon. I know I am personally going to go reread it!

Ok, now I'm shutting up. So what do you say, for old time's sake, to leave a last little comment? just to say goodbye and let me know if you've enjoyed it!
Thanks for reading!

Keep reading, keep writing, keep being proud of who you are, whoever you actually are! 

Oh There's no sequel anymore. I'll post the epilogue later tho :)