“Hey, how’s it going?”

“Not bad. And to what do I owe this surprise visit?”

“On my way home, so I thought I’d stop in and see how you’re doing”

Taeyeon squints. “I don’t believe you”

“And that’s why you used to make the big bucks” Jessica sits on the sofa in Taeyeon’s office. “The wife sent me”

“Ah, should’ve known. What is it this time, then?”

“I’m supposed to invite you to a little soirée at our place, on Saturday night”

“For your birthday?”

“Aww, you remember” Jessica presses her hands to her chest and feigns flattery.

“My blackberry alerted me this morning”

“”

Taeyeon grins at her friend and leans back in her office chair. “Saturday night… is this adults only?”

“Definitely”

“It’s been a long time since we’ve had one of those parties” Taeyeon says, raising an eyebrow.

“Too long. Eden will be there, but she’ll be in the nursery with Yul’s mom”

 “Lucky you”

“Yeah… so you’re coming, right?”

“Sure, I think I can find a sitter for the girls”

“And you can bring Sunny as your date”

“…Don’t think so”

“Oh, come on, Taeyeon. I heard you two are, like, besties now since your midnight visit a couple of weeks ago” Jessica claps her hands quickly and mocks excitement while Taeyeon sits stoically. “She’s invited, so the two of you may as well come together”

Taeyeon glares back at the smug look on her best friend’s face, but bites her lip as she concedes, “…Maybe”

...

...

...

“Hello?”

“Hi, Sunny”

“Oh, hey”

“How’s your week going?”

“Ok…although I’m battling through some morning sickness. I didn’t have it when I was pregnant with Jamie, and I thought I’d dodged it since I’m in my second trimester, but today has been awful. It just won’t stop”

“Sounds lovely”

“Mm”

Taeyeon laughs.

“So, um, listen… I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to Jessica’s birthday thing Saturday”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I mean, I figured, we’re both going, so why not save the ozone and carpool”

“…The ozone, eh?”

“Yeah, the ozone”

“Well, as tempting and romantic as your offer is, I’m afraid I can’t go with you”

“Oh”

“I’m… taking Sooyoung”

“…Right, of course you are…”

“Sorry… I can’t un-invite her…”

“Don’t apologize”

Taeyeon sinks deeper into her pillow as she lays in bed.

Sunny sighs and sips on some organic herbal tea, hoping she won’t need to visit the toilet again.

“Well…”

“Hmm…?

“That’s all I called for”

“…Oh”

“Yeah…”

“How are the girls?”

“Fine. Being the wonderfully nerdy children I raised, they’re counting down the days until school begins”

Sunny laughs into her teacup. “While Jamie is trying to convince me that his hand can no longer write and, therefore, he should not return to school”

Taeyeon cackles. “That’s very creative of him”

Sunny smiles into the phone, and somehow Taeyeon knows it.

“I should let you go; it’s late, and I have court early in the morning”

“Oh, ok… have a good night”

“You too”

“Bye, Taeyeon…”

“Try ginger candy or peppermint tea” Taeyeon blurts out.

“What?”

“For the sickness - it always helped Tiffany”

“Right, ok… thanks”

“Yeah. Night, Sunny”

“Night”

...

...

...

Sunny flushes the toilet and grabs a clean washcloth from the linen cabinet in her bathroom. She wets it and presses it to her face, taking deep breaths as she tries to quell the nausea. Once she thinks she has a handle on it, she washes her hands and goes to the front door to get the newspaper from the porch step.

She notices the small brown bag set on her welcome mat right away. Looks around in the early morning light to see who might’ve left it but finds no one. She picks it up with the newspaper and goes back inside.

She opts to go directly back to bed and takes the paper and bag with her, peeking in to Jamie's room on the way back to hers.

After settling back into bed, she reaches for the bag and opens it. Pulls out a tin and a small box.

Tears come to her eyes when she sees the tin is full of peppermint tea, and the box full of ginger candies. There's a small note attached to the tin that reads simply: 'Hope these help'

...

...

...

“You look nice, Mom” Bella tells Taeyeon with a hint of shock in her voice, as she watches her mother primp in front of the mirror.

“It does happen once in a while” Taeyeon smirks into the mirror at her daughter.

“I like your hair all pulled back like that; it’s very flattering” Sophia adds.

Taeyeon turns around as she puts on a pair of dangly blue earrings and looks at her daughters suspiciously.

“You two are being awfully nice. What’s going on?”

“Can’t we just pay you a few compliments without it being a thing, Mother?” Bella asks with wide eyes.

“No” Taeyeon says, turning back to the mirror, “now spit it out”

Bella shrugs at her sister. “She’s on to us”

Sophia smiles at her mother’s reflection. “We want to take a trip before school starts”

“Mm-hmm” Taeyeon hums, walking across her room and digging for shoes inside her closet. “And where exactly is it you want to go?” she calls out.

“It could be educational” Bella says, walking over to the closet door and leaning on the doorframe.

“Out with it” Taeyeon says as she slides her feet into a pair of heels.

“San Diego Wild Animal Park and Sea World” Bella answers, looking up at her mother with her best pout.

“Uh-huh” Taeyeon rolls her eyes and puts an arm around her daughter’s shoulders as she walks out of the closet. “And how much is this going to cost me?”

Sophia hops off Taeyeon’s bed and produces a typed price sheet and an itinerary, complete with photos. “Here” she says, handing it to her mother, “we looked everything up online and we can get a good rate if we go Monday through Thursday”

Taeyeon reads over the estimates with a poker face, but furrows her brow when she gets to the number of people. “This is pricing for five”

“Yeah?” Bella says.

“We’re three” Taeyeon states.

“Three, plus Sunny and Jamie”

“Ah” Taeyeon nods and turns away. She takes a deep breath and faces her daughters again, keeping her face serious, much to the dismay of her children. “Alright”

“Alright?” her girls say in unison.

Taeyeon turns around and smiles. “Yes. Alright”

...

...

...

“Happy Birthday!” Taeyeon kisses Jessica’s cheek and hands her a small, wrapped gift box.

“You shouldn’t have”

“I know”

Jessica laughs, already a bit tipsy off the drinks the hired bartenders has been sending her way.

As Taeyeon steps through the door, Jessica expects to see Sunny behind her, but finds another familiar woman instead.

“Bora...?”

“Hey Jessica, long time, no see. Happy Birthday”

Jessica takes the bottle of wine adorned with a bow from the raven-haired woman. “Uh… thanks” she says, looking at Taeyeon as Bora takes her hand. “Come on in”

Taeyeon saunters past Jessica with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. “Point me toward the bar, will you”

...

...

...

Taeyeon’s near the bottom of her second martini when Sunny and Sooyoung walk in to the crowded room. She swirls her olive around the bottom of her glass and watches them as they talk to Yul.

“What are you looking at?” she hears a voice beside her question.

“…Huh?”

“You’ve been staring across the room for a few minutes”

“Oh… just someone I thought I recognized” Taeyeon shrugs, scraping the soaked olive off the toothpick with her teeth.

Bora kisses her cheek. “Care to take a walk to the backyard? I heard someone say the band is going to start soon”

Taeyeon downs the rest of her drink and sets the glass on the tray of a passing catering waitress. “After you…”

...

...

...

Sunny sips on her flute full of sparkling apple cider and stands on her tiptoes, searching the room. She hasn’t managed to find Taeyeon.

“Ok… I got us a little of everything” Sooyoung says as she comes back from the buffet table. “I hope you can eat something, it all looks amazing”

Sunny grimaces at the plate of fine foods. “Not right now, thanks”

Sooyoung’s eyes grow wide at the familiar look on Sunny’s face and she immediately discards the plate. “Maybe later”

Sunny nods gratefully.

“Let’s go outside; I heard there’s a band or something”

Sunny’s eyes wander a few more seconds before she agrees, “Yeah, ok”

...

...

...

“So… Bora, huh?”

Taeyeon turns as she waits at the outdoor bar to find an even drunker Jessica standing next to her.

“She was available” Taeyeon tells her friend.

“So I guess we know how tonight’s going to end for you” Jessica shouts into Taeyeon’s ear, as the band begins to cover a Bowie song.

Taeyeon smirks and picks up the martini the bartender just finished pouring her, clinking it against Jessica’s Cosmopolitan, and tipping it before taking a sip.

“Be careful, Taeyeon” Jessica warns.

Taeyeon swallows the strong tasting sip. “I’m allowed a good every once-in-a-while, am I not?”

Jessica shakes her head and blinks lazily. Taeyeon grins and begins swaying her hips to the music, taking a long drink of her martini, wincing as it flows down .

“Just… be careful” Jessica yells one last time before turning and walking away.

Taeyeon dismisses her friend with the wave of a hand, even though she’s already half-way to the other side of the yard. And when she looks in the direction of the make-shift stage, she sees Bora staring back, dancing to the music, beckoning her with a finger.

Taeyeon finishes her drink in two long gulps, and this time, she doesn’t wince.

...

...

...

She looks down the hallway at the long line to get into the guest bathroom and decides against waiting. Makes her way upstairs to the master bedroom and lets herself in, heading straight for the master bath. Clumsily, she opens the door, not thinking twice about why it might be closed, and barrels in, lifting up her dress as the toilet comes into her line of slightly blurred vision.

The relief of an emptying bladder makes her sigh, and it’s not until she opens her eyes that she sees Sunny standing across the way at the sink, biting back a smile.

“Well…” Taeyeon says, coolly unrolling some toilet paper, “this isn’t awkward”

Sunny bursts into laughter, while Taeyeon wipes as gracefully as she can and quickly stands up.

She straightens up and lifts her chin in the air as she makes her way to the sink, washing her hands and delicately drying them on a hand towel.

“I would’ve said something but you seemed rather desperate” Sunny says with playful eyes.

“Get a nice look at my bum then, did you?”

“Mm” Sunny smirks.

Taeyeon looks at her, then; really looks at her, taking in her appearance; her dress, her hair.

“You look nice”

Sunny scoffs. “No I don’t. I look like someone who’s just vomited three cantaloupe crostini hors d’oeuvres and a glass of sparkling juice”

Taeyeon takes a step closer. “Still… nice”

Sunny lifts the damp washcloth she’s holding and dabs the corners of , keeping her eyes on Taeyeon’s.

“You’re drunk”

“Very” Taeyeon grins.

Sunny smiles and turns back toward the sink, washing her hands. Taeyeon watches her through the wall length mirror.

“Where’ve you been hiding all night, I’ve been looking for you” Sunny asks.

“Oh?”

Sunny nods. “All night”

Taeyeon turns and leans back on the marble counter, right next to Sunny. “Been at the bar, mostly”

Sunny rolls her eyes.

Taeyeon laughs out her nose and hands Sunny a dry towel.

“Thanks” Sunny says, taking a deep breath as she holds the towel to . “And thanks…” she continues, setting the towel on the counter, “for the candies and tea”

Taeyeon nods gallantly. “You’re very welcome. Though they obviously aren’t helping”

“No, they are” Sunny quickly counters, “I actually brought the candies with me, but I can’t find my purse. Yul said it’s in the guestroom, but I can’t seem to find it”

Taeyeon smiles and blinks slowly, unconsciously reaching out to place a loose strand of Sunny’s hair behind her ear. “I’ll find your candies for you, Sunny” she slurs a bit as her thumb caresses Sunny’s pink cheek.

Sunny closes her eyes when Taeyeon’s index finger replaces her thumb and she begins to trace Sunny’s jaw line, stopping at her chin and tipping it up. She sighs and tenses all at once,

when she opens her eyes and sees Taeyeon’s pupils full and wanting.

She knows that look. Has been yearning to see it for more than two years. And she doesn’t care that Taeyeon’s drunk and uninhibited, because at least it’s something.

But just as Taeyeon’s eyes flit down to her lips, a loud bang outside makes them both jump.

Taeyeon shakes her head as if she was in some kind of trance, and Sunny knows the moment is lost.

Taeyeon walks toward the window that faces the yard and sees streams of sparks shooting up from the stage. “It’s like a bloody hair band show” she laughs and turns back to Sunny, who

has a hand on her baby bump.

“Feeling ill again?”

“…Something like that”

“Come on then” Taeyeon says, opening the door and gesturing for Sunny to exit ahead of her, “let’s go and find your candies”

...

...

...

“I was beginning to worry about you”

“Sorry; long line” Taeyeon tells Bora as she watches Sunny cross the yard toward Sooyoung.

“You feel like dancing?” Bora asks.

She doesn’t feel like dancing, but when Taeyeon sees Sooyoung take off her jacket and drape it over Sunny’s shoulders, she grabs Bora’s hand and pulls her out onto the small, wooden dance floor.

“Mm, now this is more like the Taeyeon I’m used to” Bora purrs, as Taeyeon slides her hands up and down her backside.

“You don’t know anything about me, Bora”

“I know I can’t wait to get you in my bed”

Taeyeon’s cloudy mind begins to spin as she looks into Bora’s dull, hazel eyes. And it doesn’t matter who she is, or what she looks like, as long as Taeyeon knows it’s safe to touch her, and flirt with her, and hold her close…because right now, anybody will do.

...

...

...

“Having a good time, ladies?”

“This party is ridiculous” Sooyoung tells Yul.

“Well, nothing’s too good for my lady; she deserved a big bash” Yul tells them, watching Sunny look across the crowded yard. “Sunny, can you help me with something over here? We”ll be right back Sooyoung”

“Sure, ok” Sooyoung shrugs.

Yul puts a hand on Sunny’s back and pushes her into the garden shed.

“What’s going on?” Sunny asks as Sooyoung slides the door closed.

“I wanted to get you out of there before you made an of yourself”

“Sorry?”

“You haven’t looked at anything but Taeyeon for the past ten minutes; I’ve been watching you”

“...And?”

“And you’re ignoring your date”

“She’s not my date”

“Sunny…”

“Who is that woman Taeyeon’s with?”

“Oh… that’s Bora”

“Why do you say it like that? Do you know her?”

Yul hiccups a laugh. “There isn’t a woman at this party that doesn’t know Bora”

Sunny furrows her brow. “See, Bora’s the one you call when you want your night to end… well, she’s a sure thing”

“…Oh” Sunny bows her head, “I see”

Yul puts a hand on Sunny’s shoulder. “Forget about Taeyeon, Sunny. At least for tonight”

...

...

...

She said “ it!” long ago.

Coming up for air from kissing Bora on the dance floor, Taeyeon blinks several times to try and focus on… anything.

She doesn’t have time, though, because someone jerks her out of Bora’s arms from behind and pulls her away, inside the house, and into the pantry.

“Oh, this is cozy”

“What the are you doing, Taeyeon?”

“Sorry?” Taeyeon feels along the wall for the light switch she knows is there somewhere. When she finds it and flips it on, she’s met with a very angry and hurt pair of brown eyes.

“What the are you doing with that woman? You’ve had your tongue down for nearly an hour!”

“It’s called having a good time, Sunny? And what’s it got to do with you anyway?”

Sunny shakes her head and looks away, tears springing to her eyes.

Taeyeon shoulders slump and she sighs. “Oh… come on now, don’t do that. I found your candies for you, didn’t I?”

“ you, Taeyeon!”

“ me?”

“Yes. .”

“Oh, you’re bloody incredible, you know that! You can go off and make-out with your friend” Taeyeon air-quotes, “in front of my children, but I can’t kiss my date, at a party, where I’m meant to be having fun?”

“I…I…” Sunny stutters.

“Right. They tell me everything. I know everything. And I don’t interfere because it’s your ing life and you can ing live it however you ing like, so I’d appreciate the same ing respect from you”

Sunny groans, frustrated. “I don’t want a life without you, don’t you ing get that! I want you!”

“Yeah? Well keeping secrets and making out with other women is a ing fine way to show me!”

“You won’t even give me a chance to show you!”

“Don’t put this on me, Sunny” Taeyeon warns.

“I’m not, I just…”

“No. You did this. You left. You broke us” Taeyeon says, her voice breaking as her head begins to spin again. “I let you in; I trusted you. I ing loved you more than I’d ever loved anyone and you…”

“You forget that I trusted you too, and you ed off and left me and my son in hospital without a word! And I gave you another chance, Taeyeon…”

“It’s not the same thing”

“Why? Because you came back a week later?”

Taeyeon shrugs and looks away.

Sunny sighs, defeated. “I pushed you away to hurt you. Is that what you’re doing to me now?”

“What?”

“Is all of this some kind of revenge for what I did?”

“How can you even ask me that?”

“Because… I don’t know what else it could be. I see the way you look at me. I know you care. I know you, Taeyeon…”

“If you know then why are you with her?”

“I’m not with anyone!”

“So you just kiss women who show interest in you because…?”

“She wants me, doesn’t she? It’s nice, being wanted; even if it’s not by the person you ache for”

Taeyeon looks away again, glancing back and forth between the shelves of food and Sunny’s unflinching eyes.

“All I want is you…us” Sunny says huskily, and she takes Taeyeon’s hand in hers.

Taeyeon rubs her pounding forehead with her free hand and drops it frustratingly to her side. “Telling you I want you isn’t going to make it all better, Sunny”

“No…but it could be a start” Sunny quietly says, squeezing Taeyeon’s hand.

Taeyeon looks down at their joined hands and stays quiet for a bit.

“When you broke up with me, you said you couldn’t trust me ever again. Has that changed?”

“Yes”

“Why?” Taeyeon shrugs, “How?”

Sunny shrugs meekly. “I don’t know… I just do”

“Doesn’t sound very convincing to me, Sunny. And the thing is, that now… I don’t trust you”

Sunny drops Taeyeon’s hand and nods slowly as tears flow freely down her cheeks. Taeyeon wipes the tears away, smiling halfheartedly.

“I want you” Taeyeon admits, “even though I’ve tried very hard not to. But wanting you isn’t going to make all the ways both of us ed up just… disappear”

Sunny lowers her head, nodding. “How can we fix it? What can I do?”

“If I knew the answer to that, I’d have told you the moment I saw you at the museum”

Sunny looks up with devastated eyes. “I’m sorry”

“I know” Taeyeon smiles weakly, “I know”

Sunny wipes her cheeks and crosses her arms. “So what do we do now?”

“We… go back to our dates…”

“She’s not my date!”

Taeyeon sighs. “Then I’ll go back to my date, and you go back to your friend, and we”ll…”

“Come home with me” Sunny says desperately.

Taeyeon stares into brown eyes and chews on her lip. “I can’t” she whispers, shaking her head.

“Please, Taeyeon… we can just talk…”

Taeyeon begins to back away, still shaking her head. “I”ll see you tomorrow when you drop-off James”

“Taeyeon…”

Taeyeon unlocks the pantry door and opens it a crack. “It’s a party, Sunny. Have some fun, yeah?”

“Taeyeon…”

But Taeyeon’s already disappeared into the crowd.

...

...

...

“What was that all about?” Bora asks when Taeyeon rejoins her.

“Just my ex”

“Ah...say no more”

Taeyeon closes her eyes when Bora runs a hand up her bare arm.

“Can we go back to yours?” she asks.

Bora smirks. “I thought you'd never ask”

...

...

...

“You ok?”

Sunny sees them walk out the back gate.

“I'm ok. Just tired. Can we go?”

“Sure, yeah, let me go and grab my keys. I'll meet you out front”

“Ok, thanks, Sooyoung”

Sooyoung just nods and walks away.

...

...

...

She pulls into the driveway and turns off the car. Her passenger is silent, looking out the window; has been the entire ride.

“Sunny…”

“Yeah?”

Sooyoung sighs and rubs her hands on the steering wheel. “You’re never going to look at me the way you look at her, are you”

Sunny slowly turns her head, facing Sooyoung. She lowers her eyes for a moment, and then looks back up at Sooyoung with regret.

Sooyoung looks away, nodding.

“I’m sorry”

“No, don’t be. You never promised me anything, right? And I should learn to take no for an answer”

“You’re such a good person, Soo…”

“Just not good enough for you”

“That’s not true at all” Sunny says, taking her hand. “I’m - God help me - I’m in love with her. She…she’s the one, you know?”

Sooyoung nods, annoyed. “Yeah” she says, pulling her hand out of Sunny’s.

Sunny leans down and picks her purse up off the car floor. “I hope… I hope we can still be friends, Soo”

“What?” Sooyoung looks over at her, perplexed.

“You have every right to…”

“Sunny, of course we’re still friends”

“…Really?”

“Yes” Sooyoung laughs. “We’re publishing a book together, for goodness sakes”

“Ok. Ok, good, I’m so glad”

Sooyoung pats Sunny’s thigh. “I’ll see you at work, ok?”

“Yeah” Sunny opens the car door, gets out, and walks around the car to the driver’s side. “You should go back to the party” she tells Sooyoung. “Just because I’m a wet blanket, vomiting every five minutes, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy the rest of your evening”

“I might. But right now I’m going to wait and make sure you get inside safely”

“Alright. Goodnight, then”

“Night”

...

...

...

“!” Taeyeon cradles her head in her hands. “!”

“Hey… c’mon, Taeyeon, it’s fine. Come back and let me…”

“No!” Taeyeon sits on the edge of the bed and shrugs Bora’s hand off her .

Bora lets out an exasperated breath. “Are you ing kidding me ? We came all the way back here and now we’re not going to ”

Taeyeon groans and hits her bare thigh. “!”

She turns and looks at Bora, propped on an elbow on the bed, and ready. Closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I have to go”

Bora throws herself down on the bed. “, Taeyeon, there were a dozen women I could’ve brought back tonight”

Taeyeon crouches down and picks up her dress off the floor, slipping it over her head. She finds her bra at the foot of the bed and picks it up, shoving it into her purse that she finds on a

chair.

“This was a bad idea, Bora”

“You called me”

“I know” Taeyeon nods, “and I’m sorry. I thought if I… nevermind”

Taeyeon walks to the door, looks back once and says, “Good luck, Bora” and leaves.

As she walks down the apartment corridor, she knows. She can feel it deep down. Something’s got to give.

And if that something is herself, then so be it.

....

....

....

yeah i know today is not weekends yet, but i thought this was my best what i can do to not make you wait forever to follow this-not-good-enough fic, and also to thanks to you all for comments, votes and subsribes.

so enjoy reading ! ;)