**this fic own mine and my brother's. we worked this story together.

Taeyeon wanders through the hallways searching for room four-o-two. She passes room after room of children, glancing in each one as her feet hurry along. The faces and conditions of the children she sees knot her insides. Some bald, some sleeping, some awake wearing masks, some crying. Memories begin flooding her mind. Four-o-eight, four-o-six…As she gets closer she can hear Jamie crying and she practically runs the last few feet to the room.

“I don’t want the chemo, Mama. I don’t want it!”

Taeyeon stops at the door and sees two nurses restraining Jamie. Sunny is bent over him, his hair and trying to calm him.

“It’s not chemo, love. Settle down. Please” Sunny calmly talks to him, kissing his forehead again and again.

Taeyeon walks in and one of the nurses immediately glares at her. “I’m sorry, you can’t be here”

Sunny turns and sees her, Taeyeon can tell she hasn’t slept. “She’s ok to be here” Sunny tells the nurse.

“Taeyeon… Taeyeon!” Jamie cries.

Taeyeon approaches the bed and fights back the tears and panic that threaten. Jamie reaches his little hand out to her as he thrashes around in the bed, and Sunny steps back allowing Taeyeon to take her place.

“Alright, James, I’m here” Taeyeon his hair, and the thought flashes through her mind that soon he’ll more than likely not have it anymore.

“I don’t want the needle” Jamie cries, squeezing her hand, desperately trying to shake off the nurses.

Taeyeon nods at him and turns to the nurses, “Could you just back the off for one minute, please!”

“Taeyeon…” Sunny squeezes her shoulder and looks at the nurses apologetically.

“He’s scared. Can’t you see that? Just give him a minute to calm down. Please” Taeyeon sits on the edge of the bed, attempting to shield Jamie from them. “Please” she repeats.

“We’ll be right back”

“Thanks, Sheila” Sunny smiles at the head nurse regretfully.

Jamie hiccups through tears trying to catch his breath. “I… don’t want… needles”

“I know you don’t, James. I know”

“I… want to go home, Taeyeon”

“And you will” Taeyeon tells him, “but only when you’re well. And you can’t get well unless you let them put the IV in”

Jamie’s face scrunches up as he sniffles silently. Taeyeon feels her heart break as Jamie tries desperately not to cry.

“Chin up, James” she says, “I’m going to get a needle too”

Jamie frowns at her and looks at his mother. He wipes the tears from his cheeks and takes some deep breaths until his breathing evens out.

“Are you sick, Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon nods, “I am feeling a bit ill today, James. Think I need a good injection to get me back to feeling strong”

Jamie looks behind Taeyeon at his mother.

“Tell you what, I’ll get my injection, and if you let the good nurses put that IV in, you and I will go to the toy store and you can pick out whatever you’d like”

Jamie lowers his eyes and purses his lips. You look just like your mum when you do that.

“You get a needle too?”

“I get a needle, yes”

Jamie nods as a few stray tears roll down his cheeks.

…

…

“I need you to hold my hand, James” Taeyeon says as the nurse prepares to draw her blood. It had taken some convincing, but nurse Sheila finally agreed to do it.

“I”m a bit frightened of needles”

“It only hurts for a little bit” Jamie says and slides his little hand into hers.

“Ouch!” Taeyeon exaggerates, but then smiles at Jamie as the blood is drawn out.

“All done” nurse Sheila announces.

“Thank you, nurse” Taeyeon smiles, winking at her as Sheila rolls her eyes. “Are you ready, James?”

Jamie looks at the IV stand and then at Taeyeon and his mother, and nods.

As Sheila pokes at his hand looking for a vein, Taeyeon tries to distract him. “James, do you remember when we went on the pirate ride at Disney?”

“Mm-hmm” Jamie glances quickly at the nurse to see what she’s doing.

“And do you remember your favorite part?”

Taeyeon watches his brown eyes as he thinks, “The man chasing the lady” he says, the corner’s of his lips twitching.

Taeyeon smiles, “That’s right”

Sunny slides her hands over Taeyeon’s shoulders and looks at her son.

“The dog was funny too… ouch!” Jamie looks over to see the needle inside the back of his hand.

“All done, Jamie, you did a great job” Sheila praises him. “Now hold still while I wrap your arm”

“Well done, James”

“Now do I get lots of toys?”

Taeyeon laughs, “As many as you want, James. As many as you want”

…

…

Taeyeon leaves and sits in the waiting room while Sunny helps Jamie in the bathroom. She tries to breathe deeply and calm her racing heart, but she can’t seem to get it under control.

“He’s asleep” Sunny says, sitting down next to her.

Taeyeon hopes Sunny can’t read her growing anxiety. She clears , “When’s the doctor due?”

“Any minute now” Sunny lays her head on Taeyeon’s shoulder. “Thank you… what you did for him, I…”

“Don’t thank me…”

“Sunny…”

Sunny stands, “Dr. Grant” shakes his hand.

“I was hoping we’d seen the last of each other” the doctor motions for Sunny to sit and he pulls a chair up in front of them.

“This is my girlfriend, Taeyeon” Sunny introduces her, and they shake hands. “So what do the tests look like?”

“It developed a lot faster this time and… are you alright, Miss?” the doctor looks at Taeyeon.

“I’m fine” Taeyeon smiles, reassuring them both, “just had a bit of blood drawn is all”

The doctor eyes her suspiciously before turning his attention back to Sunny. “He’s going to need chemo; we’ll start him on it day after tomorrow. I want the antibiotics to help his immune system along, first”

“I don’t understand…” Sunny shakes her head, “he was fine. He hasn’t shown any symptoms”

“It’s unusual” Dr. Grant agrees, “but it’s not unheard of”

“So, chemo… again”

“Yes. We need to be aggressive and hope that his body doesn’t reject it”

“And what if it does?” Taeyeon asks bluntly.

The doctor is quiet while he looks between them, “His best options right now are stem cell therapy or a bone marrow transplant”

“It’s that bad?” Sunny’s voice cracks.

Taeyeon stands up and paces, feeling starting to close.

“If he rejects the chemo, and we don’t find a donor… ?” Sunny starts to ask.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves” Dr. Grant pats her hand.

Taeyeon stops pacing, “Just be honest with us, doctor. Please”

The doctor looks up at Taeyeon and back at Sunny, nodding. “Seventy-thirty”

Sunny covers , Taeyeon’s shoulders slump.

“Thank you, doctor” Taeyeon nods.

He nods in return. “We’re going to do everything we can” he says before he walks away.

…

…

Sunny sits on Taeyeon’s lap; the chair right up against the bed as they watch Jamie sleep.

“How are the girls?” Sunny quietly asks.

“Worried, but they’re strong, you know. They’ve been through this before”

“And you…?”

“Don’t worry about me” Taeyeon pats her knee.

“I’m glad you’re here with me” Sunny kisses her cheek.

Taeyeon does her best not to lose herself completely.

…

…

The door slams open and Taeyeon steps out onto a small hospital patio. She can barely catch her breath and has to hold on to the back of a chair to hold herself up. Seventy-thirty. Seventy-thirty. She can’t stop repeating it. Just like Tiffany. “ing bloody bastard !” she yells and throws the chair across the patio.

She loses it. There, on the patio at the Children’s Hospital, she loses it. I can’t do this. I can’t do this again. She buries her face in her hands and cries until she has no more tears.

…

…

Taeyeon stands on the landing between two flights of stairs. She looks up toward the door with the big giraffe painted on it; Sunny and Jamie lie just beyond. She looks down at the door with the word "exit" painted in red across it. She chews on her lip, squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head.

Taeyeon takes a tentative step forward and chooses her fate.

**this fic own mine and my brother's. we worked this story together.