The bells jingle when she opens the door, alerting the occupant that someone’s arrived. Taeyeon puts down her pen and walks out to the waiting room to see who it is.

“Wasn’t expecting to see you out here”

“Busy?”

“No more than usual. What brings you?”

“Just dropping in on my way back from the store”

“The store that’s a block away from your house?”

“Yeah, and?”

“…And my office which is four kilometers from your house?”

“I needed a break”

“Coffee?” Taeyeon walks back into her office.

“ yes”

Taeyeon laughs. “Sleep deprived, are we?”

“Not at all”

She hands Jessica the cup of coffee made the way she likes it; cream, no sugar. She closes her office door and sits back at her desk, crossing her arms and leaning on her elbows, taking in her friend’s appearance.

“What?”

“You look like ”

“Thanks”

“Give it more time; it does get easier”

“It’s not the baby or Yul… I just… I’m not cut out for this stay-at-home-mom stuff”

“Mm. How long is your work-leave?”

Jessica throws her head back and shouts, “One month”

“And you’re already complaining? Jesus, it’s been five bloody days”

“I know! Don’t you think I feel terrible for thinking this way? I’m supposed to be on a diaper run right now. My kid needs diapers, Taeyeon! And I drove three miles out of my way just so I could have some adult, baby-free time”

When Taeyeon reacts with laughter, Jessica glares at her.

“I’m sorry, you just sound so ridiculous”

“Laugh it up, go on”

Taeyeon uses her legs to roll her office chair around the desk and sits next to Jessica.

“Have you spoken to Yul about this?”

“She’s too caught up with the kid; I don’t think she would understand”

“You might be surprised”

“I don’t want to hurt her; I know how she’s going to take it. I mean, I love them so much, but I feel like I’m going crazy”

“Better she hurt for a while then you hold it all in. That’ll only cause worse problems later on”

“Ok, psycho-babble”

Taeyeon laughs. “This is what two years of family therapy gets you”

“I’ll talk to her” Jessica sighs, taking a sip of coffee and leaning back. A slow, curious smile spreads across her lips. “Enough about me, I’m dying to know what you and Sunny talked about last night”

Taeyeon rolls her eyes and wheels herself back around the desk.

“Well…?”

Taeyeon shrugs quickly. “She never called”

“Oh. Taeyeon…”

“It’s fine”

“Why didn’t you just call her?”

Taeyeon opens a file and begins to flip through its content. “I don’t have her number, and she was supposed to call me, yeah? Why should I call someone who clearly doesn’t care to speak to me?”

“You sure two years of therapy was enough?”

“ off”

“Don’t worry; I’m going to. I just hate seeing you this way…”

“I’m fine, sica”

“Yeah, I know Tae; you’re always fine” Jessica air-quotes the last word.

“Give your daughter a kiss from me” is all Taeyeon says.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. See you soon” Jessica walks around the desk and kisses Taeyeon’s cheek.

“See you”

She leaves Taeyeon’s office and walks out the front door, and the bells signal her exit.

...

...

...

“Hello?”

“Hi, Taeyeon, it’s Sunny”

“Hi”

“Before you get upset, I called Yul and asked for your mobile”

Taeyeon picks up a box of cereal and reads the ingredients. “Oh…ok, what’s up?” she puts the cereal box into the cart and pushes it slowly.

“Sorry I didn’t call you last night; we fell asleep watching a movie”

“That’s alright; I had some casework to finish anyway. How are you?”

A long pause.

“Um… good. Are you very busy?”

“I’m just at Whole Foods picking up a few things, why?”

“I need to ask a very big favor of you”

“Ok...?” Taeyeon drawls.

“I’m downtown at an appointment, and there’s no way I’ll make it in time to get Jamie from camp…”

“You want me to pick him up?”

“If you could? I’ve called his little mate’s parents but I can’t get hold of either of them, and I don’t think he’ll go with anyone else but them and you”

“It’s no problem Sunny, as long as the camp will release him to me”

“I can call and give them your name; just have your id with you?”

“Sure. Why don’t you text me the address and directions”

Sunny breathes a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you so much, Taeyeon. I know I have no right, and it’s a bit forward of me to…”

“It’s fine, Sunny; I would love to spend time with him”

Taeyeon looks at her phone to check that she hasn’t lost service after seconds of dead air go by.

“Sunny?”

“Yes, I’m here”

“Oh… alright, well, text me the need-to-knows”

“I will. And thanks again”

“Welcome. Bye, Sunny”

“Bye”

...

...

...

Taeyeon pulls up to the field at three-fifty-three. “Bloody traffic” she mumbles and grabs her wallet from her purse. She walks around the fence until she finds an entrance, and she spots Jamie across the field sitting on a park bench.

She waves at him to catch his attention, and when he sees her he jumps up and runs as fast as he can across the pitch and jumps into her arms, knocking her back a few feet. She manages to keep her balance.

“I’m surprised to see you!” he hugs her.

“Is this a good surprise or a bad one?” she asks, and he pulls back, keeping his hands on her shoulders.

“A great one!” he says, throwing his head back. His glasses nearly go flying and Taeyeon has to set him down before she drops him. Jamie keeps hold of her hand and they walk across the green field, arms swaying, Jamie jumping every few steps.

“So what do we need to do before we leave?”

“You have to sign me out in the clubhouse, and I have to get my bag”

“Sounds simple enough. Lead the way!”

As Jamie gathers his things, Taeyeon shows her id to the camp leader and signs him out.

“I’m all ready, Taeyeon”

“Off we go, then”

Taeyeon thanks the adults, and she and Jamie walk back out to the field.

“Are you learning any football tricks?” Taeyeon asks him as they walk.

“Soccer. And yeah, I am. Want me to show you?”

Taeyeon checks her watch; decides she’ll teach him about the proper name of the game some other time.

“We have time for a few tricks, sure. But then we need to go and get the girls from their activities”

Jamie opens his bag and pulls out a worn ball; Taeyeon recognizes it as the one she gave him for Christmas two years ago.

“I’m amazed you still have that” Taeyeon tells him.

“You gave it to me, remember? It’s my favorite” he says it quickly and nonchalantly, like it doesn’t mean everything to her.

He smiles at her and drops the ball, kicking it as hard as he can. She watches as he chases it and attempts to weave and turn on the ball quite unsuccessfully. But he doesn’t realize he’s anything but wonderful as Taeyeon cheers for him every time he does a "trick".

He gets tired of showing off and soon returns the ball to his bag, out of breath and sweaty.

“That was very impressive, James”

“Thanks”

“Shall we go?”

“Ok” he zips up his bag and puts it on his shoulder. Taeyeon tries to take it from him, as it looks rather heavy, but he shrugs away from her. “Coach says we have to carry our own bags. He says we’ll get muscles if we do”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know” Taeyeon says, biting her lip instead of squeezing his cheeks.

Jamie slides his dirty hand into hers and they walk back to the car.

“Taeyeon, where’s my Mama?”

“She’s in the city at some kind of appointment, and she asked me to collect you because she was running late”

“Oh yeah… she’s at the doctor’s” he kicks a rock and watches as it skips across the parking lot.

“Doctor?” Taeyeon repeats. “How do you know?”

“She told me at breakfast, but she said she’d be done in time to pick me up”

Taeyeon’s mind jumps to the worst conclusions and she’s preoccupied when they get to the car.

“I’m glad she asked you to pick me up” Jamie tells her with a smile.

Taeyeon smiles back through her uneasiness. “So am I, James”

...

...

...

‘at mine with kids.

forced the boy to

bathe. see you when

you get here. Taeyeon’

Sunny dries her eyes and reaches for the phone when it beeps. She reads Taeyeon’s text again and again, but eventually the screen blurs as her tears return full-force. The light turns green and Sunny doesn’t have time to compose herself to send a return text. She grips the steering wheel tightly and tries not to think about the results of her appointment.

...

...

...

“Mm, it looks great Mom” Bella peeks into the transparent lid, watching Taeyeon’s stir-fry sizzle. “Those cooking classes really paid off, huh?” she pats her mother on the shoulder.

“It is nice not to throw away the pots and pans after cooking”

“Sunny’s going to be very impressed” her daughter tells her with a cheeky grin and an eyebrow waggle.

“Because I’m doing this for Sunny?”

“Of course you’re not” Bella waves her hand dismissively, “of course you’re not”

“Mother…” Sophia calls from upstairs, “Jamie won’t get out of the bathtub!”

Taeyeon turns to Bella, “Watch the food, will you?”

“Ok”

She walks up the stairs and finds her daughter sitting at her post in front of the bathroom door where she was to keep an eye on Jamie while he takes a bath.

“What seems to be the problem?”

“He won’t get out? I’m trying to hand him his towel and drain the tub and he keeps telling me to get out”

Taeyeon her daughter’s long hair. “He’s not a baby, darling. Perhaps he wants to do it on his own”

“Then why I have I been sitting here this whole time” Sophia grabs her book and walks away in a huff.

Taeyeon takes a deep breath.

“James, may I come in?” she taps lightly on the door.

“Yeah”

Taeyeon walks in to find him sitting in a mountain of bubbles; his hair covered in shampoo, and a wide grin on his face.

“I like your bubble bath; it smells really good”

“Apparently”

“Sophia wanted me to get out of the tub !” he says, like it’s the most horrendous thing he’s ever heard of. “Mama told me I can’t show my to anyone but her” he tells her, wide-eyed and mocking Sunny’s tone.

Taeyeon covers to prevent her laughter from exploding, and she makes a mental note to ask Sunny why she had to instruct him about it in the first place.

Taeyeon clears , “Well, I’m quite sure Sophia did not want to see your , James”

“I took a bath with my friend Mitchell at his house one time; Mama said that was ok. He has a too”

“Most boys do” Taeyeon reaches down and turns the knob that opens the drain.

Jamie watches, unbothered.

“My is bigger than Mitchell’s”

“…Good to know”

“You don’t have a because you’re a girl, but it’s ok if you see mine because you’re like Mama”

Taeyeon stops and looks at his innocent little face covered in bubble residue. Wonders if he realizes how he tugs at her heartstrings. If he knows just how much she’s missed him all this time. If he truly knows how much she loves him.

She pulls him up and uses a towel to flick away excess bubble foam and then moves him out of the way to turn on the shower.

“Rinse off” she tells him, “I’ll leave you to it. Call me when you’re done”

“Ok, Taeyeon”

She sits on the stool outside the bathroom door. Sophia comes by and hears the shower.

“Did he let you in?”

“Yes, darling, he’s rinsing”

Sophia leans on her mother and shakes her head. “He’s a strange kid, Mom”

Taeyeon smiles. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

“…Yeah, it kind of is”

...

...

...

“When is Sunny going to get here, I’m starving!” Bella whines, feigning starvation.

“Her text said she would be here soon” Taeyeon reads through a file as they sit at the dining table waiting for Sunny.

“But that was fifteen minutes ago”

“What color is this?” Jamie holds up a crayon to Sophia, who gave him her old Crayola box to entertain.

“Read the side” Sophia says, turning the crayon and pointing out the name.

“That’s a long word; I can’t sound it out”

“Sure you can…” Sophia scoots her chair closer to his, “start with the B”

Jamie stares at the word with a tight mouth. He looks around the table and sees Taeyeon, Bella and Sophia all watching him closely. Furrows his brow and lowers his eyes.

“It’s too hard” he says quietly.

Sophia rubs his back, recalling what Sunny had said on group night about his difficulties in school.

“Here, I’ll write it out bigger for you” she takes the crayon and a blank piece sheet of paper and writes the color word in large letters.

“Now try” she smiles.

Jamie glances at the girls and their mother one more time before pushing his glasses up his nose and concentrating.

“By-tr-swa-eet…” he sounds out, and then looks at Sophia for approval.

“Close!”

“Try again, Jamie” Bella encourages. “Remember "I" has two sounds.

Jamie takes a deep breath. “B-Bi-ter-sw-eet. Bitter-sweet. Bittersweet!” he looks up and knows he’s done it.

Taeyeon nods and winks while Bella and Sophia clap.

Jamie wiggles in his seat and smiles shyly, proudly, and picks the crayon back up to continue coloring, mumbling under his breath: “That’s a silly name for a crayon”

...

...

...

Taeyeon serves the kids and watches them eat for a few minutes. She checks her watch for the tenth time, more than worried that Sunny hasn’t yet arrived and that she’s not picking up when Taeyeon calls.

She doesn’t want to alarm the children, so she makes up an excuse to leave the kitchen.

“I’m going to put this bag outside in the rubbish bin” she announces far too loudly.

Bella looks up from her plate, chewing a large mouthful. “It’s only half-full”

“Yes, well, it might smell up the place, and we wouldn’t want that, would we?”

Bella shrugs, and Sophia looks at her mother like she’s crazy. Jamie just continues to shovel food into his mouth.

Taeyeon ties the top of the white plastic on her way out the door. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and gets ready to call Sunny again when she notices Sunny’s car parked in the driveway.

Taeyeon throws the bag of trash over the top of the enclosure that houses the bin and walks over to Sunny’s car. She doesn’t see that Sunny’s crying until she’s very close to the window.

She thinks about turning around and leaving. Thinks that maybe Sunny needs time to herself. But somewhere deep down, a part of her can’t stand to see Sunny crying.

She taps on the window gently, startling Sunny.

Sunny looks up at her and wipes her eyes. Taeyeon can tell she’s been crying for awhile. She backs away and crosses her arms when Sunny moves to open the door.

“Sorry” Sunny says quietly, wiping away stray tears as she steps out of her car.

“Is everything alright?” Taeyeon thinks it the most ridiculous question she’s ever asked anyone.

“Yeah… everything’s fine” Sunny attempts a smile.

Taeyeon knows she doesn’t have a right to press her, but she also knows that Sunny only cries when something is truly bothering her.

“Sorry to be late” Sunny says, walking past Taeyeon, “I’ll just get Jamie and we’ll go…”

“He’s eating” Taeyeon reaches out and grabs Sunny’s elbow, but quickly retracts her hand, “They’re all eating”

“Oh…”

“If you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong, I understand. But I’m here if you do”

Sunny’s face scrunches up again as the tears flow out freely. Taeyeon clenches her fists.

“You’re not ill, are you?”

Sunny wipes her cheeks, “What?”

“James said you were at the doctor’s office”

“Oh… he did?”

Taeyeon nods, unable to hide her worried expression.

“I’m not… ill” she sputters through shaky breaths.

A breath of such relief escapes Taeyeon’s body; even she’s surprised by it.

“I’m sorry Taeyeon, I…” Sunny takes a deep breath and wipes her cheeks with the bottoms of her sleeves, “I didn’t want you to see me like this. I’ve been sitting out here for a while trying to stop”

“Sunny, you don’t need to hide anything from me”

Watery brown eyes look deep into black, and Sunny’s bottom lip begins to quiver. But she it into quickly and bites down, willing herself not to fall apart in front of Taeyeon again.

“Why don’t you come inside and eat something” Taeyeon holds her arm out behind Sunny but doesn’t touch her. “Maybe you’ll feel like talking a bit later”

Sunny bows her head and nods. “Yeah… maybe”

...

...

...

“That was delicious” Sunny sighs, sitting back in her chair and holding her stomach, “I’m stuffed!”

“Mom made it all by herself” Bella tells her.

“You made this?” Sunny eyes Taeyeon suspiciously.

“I’ll thank you to not look at me that way” Taeyeon says, standing to clear the table, “I am capable of following a recipe”

“Yes, but you were very…” Sunny searches for the right word, “kitchen-handicapped when we…” stops and closes , looking around the table at the kids.

“When you dated” Bella happily fills in the blank for her.

Sunny glances at Taeyeon, who doesn’t seem bothered in the least, and then nods at Bella. “Right”

“Well, a lot of things have changed since then” Taeyeon says, taking the stack of plates and silverware to the sink.

“That’s very true”

“Sunny…” Sophia looks pointedly at her from across the table, “how long were you in Jeonju before you decided to come back?”

Sunny glances at Bella and then focuses back on Sophia. She opens to answer but nothing comes out.

“Alright, enough talk, go on and play or something” Taeyeon shoos the kids away from the table, leaving Sunny and her gaping mouth alone.

Jamie follows Bella and Sophia up the stairs; three sets of little feet making a lot of noise against the hardwood flooring as they go. Soon it’s quiet again, though; the sound of the ocean and the running faucet all that can be heard.

Taeyeon rinses the dishes and puts them in the dishwasher one by one. She looks back at Sunny still sitting at the table, motionless.

“You could offer to help me”

Sunny looks up from her deep thoughts, wide-eyed. “Huh?”

“Me, dishes. You, help”

She’s able to bring Sunny back from wherever she was, and even gets an eye-roll and a sassy expression out of her.

Taeyeon smirks back, and Sunny gets up to bring her the serving bowls and pot from the table.

“You doing dishes of your own volition is kind of…” Sunny stops mid-sentence and quickly finds something to busy herself with.

“Kind of what, now…?” Taeyeon asks, eyebrows peaked

Sunny throws a pot-holder mitten at Taeyeon’s back. “Just wash the dishes, you”

...

...

...

“It’s so lovely here” Sunny sighs, taking in the view as she and Taeyeon sit on the loveseat facing the water.

“It is. One of the best decisions I’ve made; moving here”

Sunny tucks blown strands of brown hair behind her ear. “When did you?”

“Hmm?”

“Move here”

“Oh… nearly two years. Two years next month, actually”

“Why?”

Taeyeon glances at Sunny and then squints as she looks down the coastline toward Santa Monica. “We needed a change; a fresh start”

“...Because of me?”

“Partly, yes”

Sunny nods and lowers her eyes.

“How long have you known?”

Taeyeon furrows her brow, “Known what?”

“That we never went back to Jeonju”

Taeyeon pulls her knees to her chest, resting the heels of her feet on the edge of the small sofa. “Bout a year”

“Taeyeon…”

“Don’t, Sunny”

“But we need to talk about it. I feel like there’s this massive wall between us, and you’re happy to keep me behind it so you don’t have to deal…”

“All I’ve done for that past two years is deal with it. For therapists, for friends, for my children, for my mum… I’m ing tired, alright?”

Sunny crosses her arms and looks away.

“Should I go?” she asks after a long silence.

“You can do whatever you like, Sunny” Taeyeon sets her jaw.

“…I want to stay”

...

Anyone miss this fic ?? haha I'm so sorry guys. really!.

thanks so much for all the comments guys, i'll do my best since you all are the best! love you ;)