She sinks back into the deep sofa cushions and props her feet up on the wooden railing like she has so many mornings before this. Sips her coffee; closing her eyes as the rich liquid heats her inside, and listens to the sound of low tide waves creep up the California sand.

This morning is different; she knows it. Because Sunny is coming over, and she's ready to talk, or at least she thinks she is. What she's going to say, she's not quite sure of, but if she thinks about it too much - like she did all of last night - she's going to drive herself crazy.

Taeyeon hears the sliding glass door open and smiles into her cup as bare footsteps make their way toward her.

“Morning, darling” she greets her youngest daughter.

“Hi” Sophia stands in her pyjamas at the other end of the sofa and looks her mother up and down. “What's wrong?”

Taeyeon frowns at her observant daughter. “Nothing” she tells her.

Sophia purses her lips and sits down, still eyeing her mother suspiciously. “Your nails are all bitten down, and your eyes are tired”

Taeyeon rolls her apparently tired eyes. “I'm fine, Sophia”

Sophia sighs and sits back, mimicking her mother's position, only her toes barely hang onto the wooden railing so she slides down until her heels reach the barrier.

“You came home late last night” Sophia says, folding her hands over her stomach and twiddling her thumbs.

Taeyeon sips her coffee. “Yes, I did”

A long, quiet pause.

“Was Jessica's party fun?”

“Mm, it was… interesting”

Sophia looks up at her mother. “Interesting good or interesting bad?”

“A bit of both, I suppose”

“Did you see Eden?”

“No, she was already asleep when I got there”

“Oh” Sophia looks down at her fidgety thumbs. “Did you see Sunny?”

Taeyeon tries not to laugh at her daughter's tenacity, but fails. She raises one eyebrow and looks down at her daughter whose chin is tucked tightly against her chest as she balances her feet on the railing.

“I did see Sunny, yes; she was there with Sooyoung”

“Did you ask her about the trip?”

Taeyeon stares into eager brown eyes and smiles. She lifts her arm and Sophia scoots over, cuddling into her mother's side, and she kisses her daughter's sun-dyed, strawberry blonde hair.

“I spoke to Sunny for a bit, but I didn't get a chance to ask her about the trip. Remember she's coming over to bring Jamie; I'll ask her when she gets here, alright?”

Sophia nods into her mother's chest.

“Here you are; I've been looking all over for you two” Bella says, walking onto the deck and sitting next to her sister. “What's going on?”

Taeyeon shakes her head. “Does there always have to be something going on?”

“Well with you there usually is, so I'm asking”

Taeyeon rolls her eyes and leans across Sophia, puckering her lips. Bella meets her halfway and kisses her mother.

“Good morning, darling”

“Morning, Mom”

...

...

...

As Taeyeon finishes the last of the breakfast dishes, she turns to her daughters who are putting away their cereal boxes.

“Listen, when Sunny gets here, can the two of you keep an eye on Jamie while I speak to her?”

Bella shuts the cupboard door. “Sure, what for?”

“I just… I need some time alone with her”

Sophia and Bella look at each other.

“Are you going to talk to her about love stuff?” Bella asks, with nosey, less-than-serious eyes.

Taeyeon shuts off the water and dries her hands on a towel. “That's between me and Sunny”

“Oh, you're no fun, Mom” Bella says, dismissing her mother with a wave of her hand.

“So you've told me”

Sophia listens to the exchange, watching her mother closely. Taeyeon catches her all-knowing eyes and smiles reassuringly.

The corners of Sophia's lips twitch upward and she nods at her mother, silently encouraging; silently pleading for her to do the right thing, for all of them.

...

...

...

Taeyeon's biting the skin near her thumbnail when the doorbell goes. She takes a deep breath and gets up from her office chair, having already heard the quick footsteps of her children running down the stairs to answer the door.

As she makes her way downstairs, Taeyeon hears three voices all trying to outdo the other and it makes her smile.

She sees them all standing in the living room; Sunny trying to listen to all of them at the same time; laughing while refereeing, and it boosts Taeyeon's courage that little bit more.

“Taeyeon!” Jamie stops mid-sentence when he sees her, and runs to her.

Taeyeon opens her arms and he wraps his arms around her hips, hugging her tightly.

“Are we really going to Sea World? I've never been there. They have a killer whale, and dolphins that you can feed; I saw the commercial once”

Taeyeon eyes her daughters. “I thought I was supposed to talk to Sunny about that” she says.

“You were taking forever, Mother”

Taeyeon sighs and looks at Sunny, smiling. Sunny smiles back weakly, tucking brown hair behind an ear before looking away. It causes Taeyeon to chew on her lip.

“Mom, didn't you want to talk to Sunny about something?”

Taeyeon glares at her eldest daughter. She grins back.

“Um…” Taeyeon looks at Sunny, “do you think… I mean, would you fancy a walk down the beach?”

“I wanna go down to the beach!” Jamie answers.

Bella pulls him toward her and pats his head. “We have other plans for you” she tells him, taking his hand and leading him out of the room.

Sophia lingers for a moment, looking between the two women, and she only leaves after Taeyeon squeezes her shoulder gently.

“I wasn't planning to stay” Sunny says, once Sophia's left the room.

“Oh. I thought that we were…”

“I know, but after last night…”

“Please, walk with me… just for a bit?”

Sunny crosses her arms and looks away. But she nods once, slowly, and follows Taeyeon outside.

...

...

...

They pass three houses before Taeyeon finally opens .

“Lovely day, hmm?”

Sunny raises and furrows her eyebrows at the same time.

“Sorry” Taeyeon smiles apologetically, “I'm rather nervous”

“…Why?”

Taeyeon's teeth grab her bottom lip. “Because… because this is exactly what I don't like”

Sunny shakes her head. “What don't you like?”

Taeyeon slides her hands into her pockets, shrugging. “Talking about feelings and such”

Sunny shivers when cold water washes over her feet, up to her ankles. “You want to talk about feelings?”

Taeyeon looks over at her neighbor's house on her right side, nodding.

Sunny looks down at her feet as they wade through the clear, but foamy water. “I don't understand. Last night you said…”

“Last night I was pissed out my mind, and I shouldn't have spoken with you about…anything, really”

“So you want to take it back?”

“What? No, I…”

“You don't want me, you don't love me, and you'd rather have meaningless s, is that right?”

Taeyeon stops walking. “No, it's not. Sunny…”

Sunny stops a few steps ahead and turns around. “What then?”

Taeyeon's fingers press against her thighs through the thin material that line her pockets. The confused, watery brown eyes of the woman that await her answer make her want to run and never stop.

But she won't.

“I don't want to take any of it back, Sunny” Taeyeon says earnestly, “I do want you”

“But you don't trust me”

Taeyeon looks up at the blue sky. “I do and I don't” she says, obviously frustrated, and begins walking again. Sunny keeps to her side, in stride.

“I trust you with the most important things in my life” Taeyeon tells her, “that's something, isn't it?”

Sunny smiles softly. “Yeah, it is. And I trust you completely with Jamie”

Taeyeon glances at Sunny. “It means a lot to me that you do. You know I love him like he's my own”

“I know” Sunny says quietly, on the verge of tears, “I'm sorry I ever took him away from you”

Taeyeon nods and tries not to think of the birthdays and Christmases she missed out on with him, or watching his hair grow back, or taking him to his first day of school, or hearing his little voice say the ridiculous things she adored him for. She tries not to let the resentment she felt toward Sunny sneak back into her heart, where it had made a home for so long.

“You hated me for it, didn't you”

“I…I thought I hated you…for a lot of reasons. But I never truly did. I couldn't. I've found that hating you is rather impossible”

She stiffens when a warm hand touches her arm.

“I love you” Sunny tells her, in that voice that always made her melt.

And she wants to say it back; it would be so easy if she did. They could skip down the beach and group hug with the children and live happily ever after...

But she can't. Not yet. As much as she knows she does love Sunny, it's just too soon, and she's not ready to say it without being able to back it up with what she and Sunny deserves.

So she nods and smiles, turning to face Sunny and taking her hand.

"I do hear you when you say that"

"But you can't say it back"

Taeyeon rubs her thumb over the back of Sunny's hand. "I... I know that i don't want anyone else but you. Is that alright, for now?"

Sunny lowers her eyes and looks at their hand; lacing their fingers together, not paying any attention to the waves coming in that now fizzle out against the back of her knees.

"Yeah, for now..." she nods and looks up into hopeful black eyes, "it's more than all right"

...

...

...

"Oh, before we go back up, I'm supposed to ask you to please accompany us on a trip to San Diego"

Sunny swings their hands that have been joined since their talk. "Is that what they were going on about earlier?"

"Yes. They want to take a trip before school begins next week. I've already made all the arrangements, and I've kept a receipt so you can pay me back for your part... if you'd like to"

Sunny squeezes Taeyeon's hand. "When is this trip?"

"We leave bright and early tomorrow morning"

Sunny frowns. "Oh"

"What, is it your job...?"

"No, it's not work" Sunny says, regretful. "I suppose you know about the book, since you said they tell you everything"

"Yeah, I know of it, but not really any of the details. why?"

"Well I got an email this morning from the publisher, as did Sooyoung, and they pushed up the deadline"

"Ah"

"Yeah... so we need to have it done by the end of the week"

"I see. Well, then we'll postpone"

"No... they're looking forward to it; I don't want them to be dissapointed. Take the girls and have a good time"

"What about James?"

"What about him?"

"Well he's already aware of the trip, and I won't tell him he can't go"

"I'll talk to him; he'll understand" Sunny tries to assure her.

"What if we take him with us? That might free you up to focus on your project"

"That's a lot, Taeyeon. Are you sure you're up to having him on your own?"

"It's only one more, and he's my little buddy, isn't he? I need someone on my side"

Sunny laughs.

"If you trust me to have him for three days, that is"

"Of course I do. It's not that. I just... I'll miss all of you"

Taeyeon tilts her head and smiles. If she were feeling confident enough; if she had the courage, she would take Sunny into her arms and hold her.

But she's not, so she opts to squeeze Sunny's arm, smiling. "We'll miss you, too"

.....

.....

.....