**this fic own mine and my brother's. we worked this story together.

“Yes, sir… I know, sir… I appreciate your understanding… I will… you can count on me… I’ll have it for you Monday… yes, I’ll be back in the office next week… thank you… goodbye, sir”

Taeyeon leans back in her chair and throws the cordless phone on the desk. She looks at the untouched tray of food Emma brought her some three hours ago and grimaces at the rotting smell. Next to it sits the frame Sunny and Jamie gave her for Christmas. She stares at it for a moment then slams it face down on her desk, pieces of broken pasta scattering. She picks up the tray of old food and heads downstairs to the kitchen.

She passes her daughters’ bedroom on the way; the door wide open. Taeyeon sees them sitting at their desks, working on what she assumes is homework. She doesn’t say anything, just keeps on walking.

“Mum…?”

. Taeyeon stops, turns around at the sound of Sophia’s voice. Sophia eyes her up and down.

“You’re out of bed”

“Yes”

“You still look tired”

“I’m… not feeling very well”

“You need a bath”

“I’ll take that into consideration”

“Why haven’t you gone to work all week?”

“I’ve been working from here. Are we quite done?”

“Why aren’t you at the hospital with Sunny?”

Taeyeon closes her eyes and turns around without another word, leaving her daughter standing in the hallway.

…

…

…

…

“Emma, I told you I don’t want any food!” Taeyeon shouts at the knock on her office door.

“Emma’s gone, Mum, it’s the second weekend of the month” Sophia says from the other side of the door, “Can I come in?”

Taeyeon sighs and lifts her head off of her desk, “What do you want, Sophia”

“I want to talk to you…” the doorknob jiggles.

Taeyeon pinches the bridge of her nose and gets up to open the door, “What”

Big brown eyes stare up at her, hurt, concerned. Taeyeon clenches her jaw and avoids eye contact, walks away from the door and sits back at her desk. Sophia follows and sits in the chair opposite. Taeyeon can sense her daughter staring, and she tries to look busy typing away on her laptop.

“What!” Taeyeon says in a raised tone after minutes of silence.

“You don’t look well, Mum”

“I’m fine”

“Emma told us to try and make you eat because you haven’t for days”

“She exaggerated”

“I don’t think so”

Taeyeon glances over the top of the laptop screen, “Look, I’m very busy, so if you could just say what you…”

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself again” Sophia interrupts.

Taeyeon stops typing.

“Mum…”

Taeyeon’s heart breaks at the sound of her daughter’s trembling voice. She closes the laptop, tries to hold back the tears. Fails.

Sophia walks around the desk and hugs her, and they both cry as memories of darker days that only they share, come rushing back at them.

“Mum, please… be ok again” Sophia says through her tears.

“I thought I was” Taeyeon cries, “I don’t think I know how to anymore”

“You need Sunny” Sophia tells her, “Sunny makes you better”

…

…

“It really isn’t necessary for you two to watch me; I am capable of bathing myself”

“We’re just here in case you need anything” Bella says, pouring more bubble bath in the water.

“Are you trying to drown me in bubbles?”

“Well, you do kind of smell”

“Thank you, darling”

Bella shrugs. Sophia climbs onto the white tiled ledge that frames the jacuzzi tub and sits, watching her mother closely.

“I’ve behaved poorly…” Taeyeon says to them, “again” Bella kneels beside the tub and crosses her arms over the edge, resting her chin on top. “I’m sorry I failed you”

“You haven’t, Mum” Sophia says.

Taeyeon closes her eyes, and for a moment the only sound in the large bathroom is that of bubbles evaporating. “We’ve never really spoken about what happened in Seoul” Taeyeon finally says.

“We spoke to Dr. Joe about it” Bella tells her.

Taeyeon looks at her, surprised that her daughters opened up to their therapist about the incident.

“He said Sophia was traumatized and that’s why she stopped talking… like we didn’t already know that” Bella rolls her eyes.

Taeyeon looks at Sophia who is staring out the window, eyes squinted at the sun.

“I should have never tried to… to do that” Taeyeon admits, “it was selfish of me, and I didn’t think about how it would affect you”

Sophia looks at her, “You won’t do it again, right?”

“I won’t. I promise you” Taeyeon says as sincerely as possible. “Is that why you’re watching me, because you think…?

Sophia shrugs and then nods.

“I’m sorry, girls” Taeyeon apologizes, “I can’t seem to do anything right. I suppose I need to work harder on sorting myself, for you”

“Yeah, probably” Bella agrees.

“You know I love you… more than anything”

Bella and Sophia look at each other and nod.

“So after you eat something, can we go to the hospital and see Jamie? Sophia drew him some pictures and I have some books for him”

Taeyeon looks out the window, “I don’t think that’s a good idea”

Bella lifts her head, “Why not?”

“I don’t think Sunny wants me there”

“Why wouldn’t she want you there?”

Taeyeon looks between her children. “I did something that I know hurt her very much, and it’s unforgivable…”

“You left her alone” Sophia says quietly.

“Yes”

“Because seeing Jamie reminds you of Mummy” she continues.

“Yes”

“But she’s your girlfriend” Bella says.

Taeyeon shakes her head, “I don’t think so, not anymore”

“Don’t you like her?”

“I… I like her very much”

“Sunny needs you…” Sophia insists, “and you need her”

“I’m not what she needs…”

“You just said you were going to try harder, but you’re being selfish, Mum, just like when you hurt yourself” Sophia hops off the ledge and leaves the bathroom.

Bella watches her sister walk out, turns back to her mother, “Can’t you just tell Sunny you’re sorry, Mum?”

Taeyeon’s eyes well up, “I wish I could, Bella. I wish I could go back and make a different decision. But I can’t change what’s already been done”

…

…

She sits in her dark kitchen, an outdoor light illuminating part of the table she’s at. She promised the girls before they went to bed that she’d eat something, and she takes a bite of chicken and veggies that Emma left for her in the fridge as she stares out the glass doors that lead to the backyard.

You’ve made a ing mess of your life, it’s a wonder your children aren’t permanently ed up.

There’s no way to make this right with Sunny.

Taeyeon feels the food coming back up so she pushes the plate away, rests her arms on the table, and lays her head down.

…

…

“Mum… Mum…”

Taeyeon slowly opens her eyes to see Sophia standing by her side. She looks out the doors and sees daylight, “What time is it?”

“It’s after eight” Sophia tells her, “Did you sleep here all night?”

Taeyeon sits up, her arms, neck and back stiff, “I suppose I did” she yawns and notices her daughter is dressed, “what’s all this?” she asks, gesturing up and down.

“We want to see Jamie and Sunny” Sophia informs her, “and you need to take us to the hospital”

“I told you that’s not going to happen”

“Yes it is...” Bella sings, walking into the kitchen fully dressed.

“No, it’s not” Taeyeon says sternly.

“You don’t have to go in, just drop us off” Sophia shrugs.

Taeyeon eyes them suspiciously, “I’m not letting you walk around a hospital alone”

Bella grins, “Then I guess you have to go in with us”

**this fic own mine and my brother's. we worked this story together.