“I miss Taeyeon, Mama”

“I miss her too, sweetheart. But she’ll back before you know it”

Jamie colors part of his homework while Sunny fixes a snack for him.

“Are we going to go home when she comes back?” he asks, his eyes pitiful.

Sunny slices a banana and only answers, “Finish your homework, please”

...

...

Taeyeon walks the familiar streets, arms crossed; warming her hands under her elbows, back hunched as she hurries back to her mum’s. It’s unusually cold for the end of November, the light rain not helping the situation any, and she’s only brought a thin coat with her. So she picks up the pace as she rounds the corner to the street where she used to live.

“There you are!” Sooyeon ushers her in and takes off her wet coat, “I was beginning to get worried”

“I’m not twelve anymore, Mum”

“Oh, hush up, you’re still my baby” Sooyeon says, and sits her down in front of an old heater. “I’ll make you some hot cocoa, just the way you used to like it”

Taeyeon holds her hands out in front of the heater and smiles.

...

...

“It’s a complicated situation, Mum”

Sooyeon blows on her cocoa. “You make it complicated, dear”

“Oh thanks”

“It’s true, love. Sunny has opened herself up to you time and time again, and you keep finding reasons to hold her at arms length”

Taeyeon warms her hands on her mug, sighing. “I don’t know why I do it, Mum”

“Yes you do, dear” Sooyeon smiles at her as she carefully sips her drink.

Taeyeon’s about to snap back a sarcastic reply, but something stops her. Instead she nods, biting her lip as she silently agrees.

“I’m proud of you for what you’re doing. Sunny will be proud of you too”

Taeyeon huffs. “She’ll probably want nothing to do with me when I get back”

“Not likely, dear”

Taeyeon watches the orange coils of the old heater as they seem to turn. “I’ve hurt her, Mum”

“You’ve hurt each other, I’d say”

Taeyeon looks into her mother’s eyes, a bit more wrinkled around the edges than she remembers, and quietly confesses, “I can’t lose her again”

Sooyeon sets down her cup and moves to sit next to her daughter. She wraps an arm around Taeyeon, pulling her close, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly.

Taeyeon doesn’t know where the tears come from, but they slide down her cheeks one by one as she lays her head on her mum’s shoulder.

“You need to do what you came here to do. Just let go, love. And then, you and Sunny and those glorious children can start fresh; begin a new life together”

Taeyeon sniffs and nods. “Yeah” is all she says. “Yeah…”

...

...

“It’s midnight over there, what are you doing up?”

“I didn’t sleep at all, been chatting with Mum most of the night”

“Well that’s good, I’m sure she’s missed that”

“Yeah”

“And how is Seoul ?”

“Damp”

Sunny laughs. “How lovely”

“Quite. How is it over there?”

“Bloody hot. These heat waves are going to be the death of me”

“At least you’re by the ocean, it could be worse”

“Very true. I was thinking about going out to the deck before you rang”

“Everyone asleep, then”

“Jamie is; he’s in my…the guest room, but I’m not sure about the girls. They said goodnight and went to their rooms, but I can hear footsteps up there. They’re probably so happy I can’t climb the stairs to check on them”

Taeyeon laughs. “Well if they were any other soon-to-be-eleven-year-olds, I’d be worried. But I trust them”

“Mm, so do I”

A long silence follows, and Taeyeon clears when words get stuck inside of it. And it’s as if Sunny knows, so she speaks first.

“Jamie misses you; he wanted me to tell you”

“I miss him too. I miss…all of you”

“Good” Sunny smirks into the phone.

Taeyeon bites her lip to prevent a huge smile. “I’ll call again later…I mean, your tomorrow”

“I’ll look forward to it”

“Goodnight, Sunny”

“Night”

...

...

The apartment buildings begin to disappear, and the grand houses start to come into view. Taeyeon feels a stirring in her stomach as her mum drives the all too familiar route to Seorae. Soon the grand houses turn into mansions and family houses.

“Alright, dear?”

Taeyeon nods quickly.

“You can do this”

“I’m glad one of us thinks so”

Sooyeon makes a sharp left into the long driveway that leads to the house. “Don’t let the bad thoughts consume you, Taeyeon. You had wonderful times here with the girls…and with Tiffany”

Taeyeon quickly nods again. “Right, yeah, we did”

And that’s what Taeyeon tries to think of when the ivy covered walls come into view. She closes her eyes as her heart begins to beat faster, and tries to think of running around the grounds with the girls. Playing hide-and-seek, teaching them to ride their bicycles, sitting in the garden and reading to them. But the dark times creep in, and she finds herself trying to swallow the large lump in , without the help of saliva.

It’s only when Sooyeon shakes her shoulder that she opens her eyes and realizes the car has stopped in front of the house. Taeyeon looks out the window, noticing how overgrown everything is, how abandoned and sad the place looks.

“I can’t go in”

“Yes you can”

Taeyeon shakes her head. “I’m not ready, Mum”

“If you keep saying that, you never will be” Sooyeon tells her, undoing her belt and getting out of the car. She walks to Taeyeon side and opens the door. “Out with you”

“Mum…”

“There’s nothing in there you can’t face, Taeyeon. Remember who you’re doing this for, remember why you came back”

...

...

She stands in the dark entranceway of the house she never wanted to live in. Can’t bring herself to turn on the lights. Doesn’t want to see the things, which are attached to the scents, that are causing her mind and stomach to spin.

It had taken her mother a good ten minutes to get her out of the car, but by the time she’d reached the door, she knew she had to go inside alone.

“Are you alright in there, dear?”

Taeyeon stutters out an affirmative response to the muffled concern, and then reaches to the left, feeling around on the wallpapered wall, like she used to do day after day, to turn on the main lights. Her breath catches just as the switch flicks up. And Taeyeon’s senses are bombarded.

...

...

“You’re up late”

Sunny puts down her book and looks up. “I could say the same to you”

“I couldn’t sleep”

Sunny holds out her good arm and gestures for Sophia to join her. “Any particular reason?”

Sophia cuddles close to Sunny on the sofa and curls her legs under herself, putting a hand on Sunny’s pregnant belly. “I’m worried about my mom”

“Ah” Sunny kisses clean, dark hair. “If it makes you feel any better, she sounded well when we spoke earlier”

“Really well? Or pretending to sound well so no one worries well”

Sunny gently laughs. “I’d say…really well”

“Then she hasn’t been back yet”

“Back..?”

Sophia looks up at Sunny and realizes she’s divulged new information. “She didn’t tell you what she went to do, did she”

Sunny sighs. “Business” she says, flatly.

Sophia shakes her head. “Well, there’s some truth to that, I guess. More like…personal business, though” she says, rubbing small circles over protected, slumbering fetuses, hoping for some movement.

“I thought as much. But I…I’ve found that pressing your mother to share things with me hasn’t been very…successful. So I just accept what she wants to tell me, and hope that she’ll trust me enough to open up. Sooner rather than later”

“You’re really patient, Sunny”

“Thank you” Sunny laughs.

“You must really love her a lot”

Sunny nods and hugs Sophia closer. “Yes…yes, I really do”

...

...

Taeyeon slowly climbs the long staircase, her sweaty hands squeaking against the dusty banister. She thinks back to the first time she climbed it, after Tiffany’s parents died and she inherited it. Remembers Tiffany insisting they move in, that the apartment they’d bought together was too small, and that the girls needed to know where they came from. Remembers that particular statement irking her the most. Recalls the argument starting when she questioned Tiffany about what exactly she meant by that.

Taeyeon stops at the top of the staircase and closes her eyes. Can hear the argument replaying in her head. Can smell the lavender lotion Tiffany had on that day. Can see the concerned eyes of their young daughters as they watched their mummies fight. And that’s why she’d given in, in the end. For them.

She takes a deep breath as the voices fade out, and walks toward the east wing, toward a more comforting part of the home, where her daughters once slept. Taeyeon swallows a lump as she opens their bedroom door. She switches the light on and smiles weakly at the untouched furniture and toys, now dusty and dull. Walks in and sits on the edge of Sophia’s old bed, remembering when they moved in and the girls told her that they wanted to share a room.

But as she sits and looks around, it’s regret that she feels, not comfort. Regret because she made her children leave their home so hastily, only allowing them to take certain belongings.

Telling them she’d buy them new everything when they live in America. Promising them that they would all be happier where they were going.

Taeyeon sighs and shakes her head, thinking about all the mistakes she made; all the she put her girls through, and she’s more determined than ever to do right by them. She’s more determined than ever to do right by Sunny.

And it’s with this newfound determination that Taeyeon stands up, walks out of the room, and heads back toward the staircase, hesitating only for a moment as the scent changes from regret to Tiffany and hits her like a brick wall. But she forces shaky legs to make their way westward, toward a room she once promised herself she would never set foot into again.

....

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Hello!

Happy Merry Christmas all!! :)

Enjoy!