12/8

Getting back home from telling everything to Yejun felt wrong. I think it was because I had some kind of fear in me, that if I left him then I would never see him again. Something that I found funny because I left him once before like that yet I didn't have this fear. And it wasn’t the fear that he will not want to be friends but the fear that I was going to die. The fear that I felt when my parents died but I could be having this feeling because of the confessions I gave him.

I didn’t want to think anymore, everything hurt and for once I wasn’t happy about it.

I made my way home, upon opening the door my grandma looked at me and I guess I had some kind of face since she didn’t ask any questions. She just sat me down and told me to eat after that she left the room.

That how that day ended and I regret everything.

Today I went to hide inside the library once more and that’s when I saw him.

Kevin was reading at a table in the far back.

I didn't know what to do, to run away or to just walk to my destination without him noticing me. I decided to walk to the far corner of the library. Sitting down I took out my book to read, to calm my nerves down, hoping that Eli and Kibum wouldn't find me again. Earlier they were pushing me around and hitting me with the lockers.

Feeling something on my back I turned and notice standing a few feet away from me. Slowly he started to sit down. I didn’t want this to happen and yet I didn’t say anything nor did I try to leave.

“I’m sorry about-

“What my parents dying? About how I’m always messed up? In how I’m a freak? You know what I’m sorry but I don’t need you pitty! I have been fine all my life, I just don't understand why people like you always try to be friends with people like me. We live in different world, you are friends with two of the guys that give me hell and I...I only have myself. So what ever you were going to say, save it because I don;t need to hear it from someone else.” After saying all of those words I didn’t know how to act. That was the first time that I had ever snapped at someone, the first time I ever talked about how irritated I was with people always asking the same thing. Kevin didn’t deceive me saying any of this but it doesn't mean I didn’t mean every single word of it.  

I looked at him with a blank expression as I was afraid that he would also yell at me and start hitting him for being rude but at the same time I was still angry because he was going to apologize like everyone else.

“I was going to say sorry that I was there when you...talked about you parents. I know it wasn't in my place to be there...So I’m sorry about that. And don’t worry about what you said before… I understand where you’re coming from. For the record Eli and Kibum are jerks and I don’t know why I hang out with them.” Kevin stopped before going into a whisper by that I almost didn’t hear “I would like to hang out with you...if that's okay.”

I laughed because he was the one person I didn’t want in my life and yet here he was. The guy who for some reason makes me change my character.

Sometimes new people cause more pain and other times it causes happiness. I just still don’t know what in what category Kevin is in.